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自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

文法ミスや、その他改良すべき点ががありましたら指摘していただけるとありがたいです。 テーマ:小学校における外国語教育の是非 In my opinion, children should not study a foreign language in an elementary school. It is true that learning another language enables us to communicate with people who speak the language, and to see the world in a new way. However, I believe that people in their early days ought to learn their own language deeply. It is because mother tongue has a very important role in their lives, and peole could establish their identity by studying it enough. Furthermore, children in an elementary school already have many subjects to study, so it is not able to be thought of as a wise selection to made children have more burden. For these reasons, I emphasize that children should study their own language deeply insted of learnig foreign languages.

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以下のように添削しました。 In my opinion, children should not study a foreign language in an (an を削除) elementary school. It is true that learning another language enables us to communicate with people who speak the language, and to see the world in a new way. However, I believe that people (children かstudentsのほうがいいかも) in their early days ought to learn their own language deeply (in depthの方がいいと思います). It is because mother tongue has a very important role in their lives, and peole (スペルpeople またはchildren, young people) could establish their identity by studying it enough (.代わりの語: deeply; in depth; thoroughly; など) Furthermore, children in an (削除) elementary school already have many subjects to study, so it is not able to be (cannot be; またはshould not be) thought of (of削除) as a wise (あるいはfeasible) selection (あるいはdecision) to made (loadの方がいいでしょう。不定詞ですから過去形は使えません。,makeなら文法的にはいいですが、意味からしてloadの方がいいでしょう。) children (まえにchildrenと言っていますから、themにしましょう) have more burden. For these reasons, I emphasize that children should study their own language deeply insted of learnig foreign languages(下記参照). <解説> an elementary school. - どこと特定はしないがどこかにあるひとつの学校、(特定する場合は the)。ここでは一般にシステムとしての小学校課程ということだから無冠詞。 enough: - 十分にあると言う意味で、「もういっぱい」という感じの十分です。「十分に学んで」という語感とはちがいます。この文章で一番直したいところです。thoroughly「完璧に」がいいと思います。 一番最初に a foreign language ではじまって、最後に foreign languages で終わるのはなんとなくすわりが悪いです。どっちかに統一した方がいい 。私なら a foreign language にします。 私の意見はご質問者とは異なりますが.

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詳しいご添削ありがとうございます。 ご指摘いただいた点はしっかり改善し今後につなげたいと思います。 また機会があればよろしくお願いします!

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