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自由英作文を添削してください!

慶応義塾大学の自由英作です、この大学の問題は解いたことがないので分かりません。 何について書くかというと まず状況から言うと、地元の高齢者ハウスを応援するために、二人の高校生がポスター何枚か学校に掲示します。 でも、少人数しか集まらなくてはじめられない。 指示が、どのようにしたら人数を集めることができるかということです。  ポスターの内容  ・場所がかいてあり  ・日時が毎週日曜・9時から   ・人数25人  ・活動内容は、話し相手、食事の補助、散歩の付き合いなど です  条件があって    ・生徒たちはなぜ少ししか応じてくれなかったのか。    ・どういう行動をとるべきか。    ・なぜその行動がうまくいくとかんがえるのか。 指定語数は100語です。 僕は136字書きました。 よろしくおねがいします。 Recently there has been a few young people who are interested in volunteers for caring elderly people. This is why, only a few students responded. I think that there are many things which they can in order to gather people. I think that they should interest people who are indifferent to the volunteer activity.For example , they talks eagerly over it with their friends in person. Then , I would like to mention poster. First, I think they change a.m.9:00 to a.m.10:00.This is because young people are poor at getting up early.when they are used to doing it, they should return to a.m.9:00 . I also think they should draw pictures and make it colorful in order to attract people. It is the most important thing is to convey their passion.

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  • ddd01a
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文法だけ直すのでしたら Recently there HAVE been few young people who are interested in volunteers TO CARE FORE elderly people. This is why only a few students responded. I think that there are many things which they can in order to gather people. I think that they should interest people who are indifferent to the volunteer activitIES. For example , they TALK eagerly over THEM TO their friends in person. Then , I would like to mention THE poster. First, I think they change9:00 a.m. to10:00a.m. This is because young people are poor at getting up early.when they are used to doing it, they should return to a.m.9:00 . I also think they should draw SOME pictures and make it colorful in order to attract people. It is the most important thing is to convey their passion. でもこれではやっぱりおかしいので、文章全体を添削すると Young people are generally not interested in caring for the elderly. I can think of a few ways to attract the students for the volunteering. Rather than just sticking the posters here & there, I think they should spread it in person. Tell their friends about it, as many as they can. Secondly I'm not sure about the starting time; 9am on a Sunday is pretty early for most of the students. It would be good if they can let them start at 10am in the beginning, and change it to 9am when they're used to the job. Lastly the poster; I think they should put some photos or drawings and make it colourful to attract attention. But above all, I think they should advertise it with passion. They need to be able to tell people how important the activities are, and explain why.

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