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自由英作文添削

自由英作文の添削お願いします 設問:「子供は親の背中を見て育つ」と言う言葉があります。それでは、親というものは子供にどのような「背中」を見せるべきではないと思いますか。また、それ はなぜですか。具体的な例をあげながら70語程度の英語で説明しなさい。 I think parents should not show their children their rudeness to others. It is because , if they see their rudeness every day , they will imitate their attitude. It leads to many ploblems in the society. For example, if they don't look up to the senior , they talk friendly with their boss, and the boss get angry then they may lose their job. It is very terrible. 英語得意なかたお願いします。 出来れば文章の構成方法も教えていただけたら嬉しいです。

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こんばんは。 I think parents should not show their children their rudeness to others. Because children tend to study their parent's behavior and actions every day, they might imitate the bad attitude. This will lead to many ploblems in society. For example, if young people don't look up to the seniors, they may talk to their bosses in companies in a casual style, and this might get the boss angry,leading to their loss of current jobs. That is surely not what parents expect of their children when they grow up. 内容を増やしました。また文法ミスも一か所訂正しました。 重複する内容があると、どうしても内容的に薄い、という印象を受けてしまいますがまずは文法ミス(boss get angryなど)を克服しましょう。

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回答ありがとうございました。前期試験が間近なのに自由英作文の練習してなくて焦ってます。もしまた僕の質問見かけたて暇でしたら、回答お願いします。

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