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英作文添削お願いします。

テーマはここ数年のニュースで話題になったものというものです。 I was interested in the news which the age of adult should be lowered to eighteen years old. I agree with this idea. Young people these days are overprotected. They can't know anything about the world. It is true that people in their teens still aren't mentally and physically mature. Many teenager don't have a full time job, live with their parents and depend on their parents, However, this is the reason why the age of adult should be lowered. Someday, they will have to live by their own. If they have to be responsible to everything they do, they will become aware that they should be independent. They would also appreciate their parents. よろしくおねがいします。

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1. the news which the age... → the news that the age... (同格にはthatを使いましょう) 2. Many teenager... → Many teenagers (複数形) 3. live with their parents and depend on their parents, →live with their parents and depend on them (繰り返しを避ける) 4. by their own → on their own (独立した副詞句) 5. be responsible to everything → be responsible for everything (for 行為、物事など, to 人) 主語・述語の関係がしっかりしていて良い英文ですね(^^)。 .

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