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大学受験英作文添削お願いいたします 

大学受験浪人生の者です よろしければ添削お願いいたします<m(__)m>   問題の設問 Students at many university in Japan are reqrired to study a foreign language, usually English. Some university require students to study more than one foreign language. Some people say universities should not require students to study a foreign language at all. Which do you think is the best policy? Write a paragraph explaining your opinion. Give at least one appropriate reason to support your answer. 自分の解答 I think that students need to study more than one foreign language. That is because if students study foreign languages, they can be exposed to foreign cultures which are hidden in foreign languages.

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noname#175206

>I think that students need to study more than one foreign language.  既に指摘がありますが、do you thinkと尋ねられても、I thinkで返す必要はありません。opnionは、ずばっと明確に押しを強く、で行きましょう。断定を弱めるとしても、蓋然性を表し客観的な感じがするprobablyあたりにしましょう。  しかし、やっぱり主観性を打ち出したいなら、thinkではなくbelieveを使いましょう。  ちなみに、university studentsと対象を明確にしたほうがいいような気がします。 (Probably) university students need to study more than one foreign language. >That is because if students study foreign languages, they can be exposed to foreign cultures which are hidden in foreign languages.  that is becauseは口語的な感じですが、上と文章の感じを合わせるなら不要ですので、that is を言わないようにしましょう。  be exposeed toは「~の機会を与えられる」といったところになると、思いますが、どうも意見の理由として弱々しさが感じられるのが気になります。ifを使うのも弱める感じがありますし、蛇足にすら感じられないわけでもありません。  be hidden inも、潜在的でポジティブな感じが出しにくく、理由として意見をサポートするのを弱めているように思います。ミステリアスな感じはしますが、最初に述べる意見とミスマッチではないかと危惧します。be a part of あたりの、顕在的な感じでどうでしょうか。  意見同様、ずばっと言い切る感じをだしてはどうでしょうか。たとえば以下のような文例ではいかがでしょうか。 Because studying/learning foreign languages is knowing a part of essence of other cultures.  理由として弱いかなと感じたら、 Every laguage was born from its culture.なんて書き足すのも手です。  これは受験テクニックに属することですが、大学受験なら高校を出て希望に胸を膨らませているような態度を、設問者や採点者は期待していると考えて差し支えありません。そのように書くなら、以下のような一文を付け加えてもいいでしょう。 This is why I've been studying English enthusiastically.

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質問者からのお礼

細かいところまでご指摘いただき本当にありがとうございます<m(__)m> ニュアンスにもご指摘いただけたのはすごく助かりました 本当にありがとうございました

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その他の回答 (2)

  • 回答No.2

I thinkは主張が弱くなりますね。 It's necessary(natural)...とかI'm convinced...から始める方法もあります。 文化は言語に潜む(隠れている)のではなく、言語は文化そのものです。 It's necessary for students to learn at least one foreign language, because any language represents its culture and background of the place where the language is spoken. And it's a good opportunity to know more of our language. はどうでしょうか。

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質問者からのお礼

文化は言語そのものという核心を得た御意見本当にありがとうございます 今後言語論の英作文がでてきたらさっそくその方向性で書かせていただきます すごく参考になりました ありがとうございました<m(__)m>

  • 回答No.1

>I think that students need to study more than one foreign language It's unclear what language you are referring to. You need to specify that. >That is because if students study foreign languages, they can be exposed to foreign cultures which are hidden in foreign languages. If I were you, I would say "second-foreign language other than English." Also, you need to explain the sentence above, since you are trying to discuss the relation between language and culture.

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質問者からのお礼

ご回答ありがとうございます<m(__)m>  ネイティブさんからのご指摘はすごくためになりました 本当にありがとうございました

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