正しい自然な英文に添削願います。

質問

英語にたけている皆様へ
以下の内容を英文にしましたが、おかしいところ・不自然なところを御指摘・添削願います。
日本語：
今日は家族４人でA川に蛍を見に行きました。ついたときには既にたくさんの人たちが川沿いにいて待ち構えていました。蛍は思っていたほどたくさんいませんでしたが、家族全員見るのは初めてだったので暗闇で光る蛍たちは幻想的で感動的なものでした。光が最高潮に達した８時半すぎには周辺の道路は大混雑で駐車場から出るのも一苦労でした。
私の稚拙な英文：
Today,I went to the A river to watch fireflies with my familiy of four. There were already many people waiting it along the river when we arrived there. Fireflies were not so many less than I expect, but shining in the dark was fantastic and impressed all my families had watched at the first time. After 8:30p.m. at when the climax of it, peripheral road got congested greatly. So we had to waste time to go out the parking.
絶対おかしい。よろしくお願いします。

回答No.1

esistdas · ベストアンサー

Today, I went to the A river to watch fireflies with my family. There had already been many people waiting for the "lights" along the river when we arrived there. We didn't find so many there, but their shining in the dark was fantastic and impressing to all my families who had never had this kind of experience. After 8:30 p.m., when the climax came, we had a traffic jam around. So we had to waste time to go out of the parking.

お礼

ありがとうございます。参考になりました。