英語得意な人！英文添削おねがいします

質問

合衆国は伝統的に仕事熱心な社会で、人の価値は仕事で測られた。
The society laid emphasis on yhe work traditionally and the worth of the person was judged by the work in the US.
熱心に働くことは責任感、誠実さ、信頼感がある印だった。
Working hard was a sign of having responsibility, honesty and trust.
両親は娘に「善良で勤勉な男」を探すように言った。
Parents told their daughter to look for 'good and diligent man'.
彼らは、働きたがらない夫の金銭的危険性と社会的な結末について警告した。
They warned about the financial risk and the social end that would caused by a husband who hate to work.
いわゆるプロテスタントの労働観によれば、勤勉は物質的な成功と精神的向上につながっていた。
According to the view of labor by so-called Protestant, diligence led to material success and mental improvement.
20世紀の最後の10年間に、アメリカ人の一部はこの伝統的な仕事の定義に疑問を抱き始めた。
In the last 10 years in 20th century, some Americans began to conceive a doubt about this traditional definition to the work.
周りを見渡すと、勤勉がこれら「善良な人間」の多くを死なせていることがわかったのだ。
Looking around, it was found that diligence is killing those many 'good people'.
金銭的な成功が、個人の身体と精神の健康を破壊していく例を見たのである。
I saw the example of monetary success ruined personal health of the body and spirit.
私の祖父とおじも、たぶん生涯の過労から退職年齢前に亡くなった多くのアメリカ人の数の内に入る。
My grandpa and uncle are the part of the many Americans who died before retirement age, probably by the fatigue in a life.
今はより多くの女性が、特に専門職の分野で働いていて、やはり破壊的なストレス症状を経験している。
More women is working specially at the field of professional job and experience severe stress.
率直に言えば、お金も成功も、それを楽しめなければ獲得する意味がないのである。
Frankly speaking, both money and success have no meaning without having enjoyment to them.
今日多くのアメリカ人が仕事に対する態度を変えつつある。
Many Americans are changing their attitude to the work.
成功は、仕事の要求と個人的な生活の必要とをうまく結びつけることを意味する。
Success means a good tie between a demand for a work and necessity of a personal life.
その意味では、私の父がほかの州での高収入の仕事を断ったときは模範的であった。
In that mean, it was a good example that my father declined large-income job in other state.
もし引越しをしていたら、姉と私は在籍していたすばらしい私立学校を卒業することができなかっただろう。
If my family had moved, my sister and I would not be able to graduate from our superb private school.
父は、自分の出世のために私たちの教育を犠牲にすることは誤りだということがわかっていたのである。
My father knew it unjust that our education was ruined due to his growth in his work.
私はこの決断について、父にずっと感謝している。
I have been grateful to my father about this determination.

回答No.1

noname#202629

The society in the U.S. laid emphasis on the work traditionally and the worth of the person was judged by the work ("done" or "that he or she did").
のような追記が必要かも

Parents told their daughter to look for 'a good and diligent man'.

They warned about the financial risk and social end caused by a husband who is reluctant to work.
which would be caused byでも良い。関係代名詞のthatがfinalcial risk and social endを先行詞とできるかは？

According to labor views of so-called Protestant, diligence led to material success and mental improvement.

かな？（個人的にはdeligence might lead to ~かな、～と言い切れる自信がない）

In the last decade in 20th century, some Americans began to conceive a doubt about this traditional definition to the work.

Looking around, it was found that diligence (was killing or　killed or kills) many of those 'good people'.

かな？

>I saw the example of monetary success ruined personal health of the body and spirit.

〔see+目的語+doing〕〈…が〉〈…するのを〉想像する.
用例 Can you see him agreeing to our plan? 彼が我々の計画に同意するなど考えられますか.
〔see+目的語+過去分詞〕〈…が〉〈…されるのを〉想像する.
用例 I cannot see our team defeated. 我々のチームが負けるなどとは思えない.

すれば、ruinedではなくruiningが正しいはずですが、"I saw a man ruining his health" ならば良い。人でなくとも物で
I saw an example of monetary success ruining one's healthと言えると思うが、正しいと言える自信が無い。(添付辞書の6番）
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/american/see

無難に済ますならば、monetary success which ruined personal health and spirit

My grandpa and uncle are the part of the many Americans who died before retirement age, probably by fatigue.

かな？

Frankly speaking, both money and success mean nothing without spending all the money that you have earned.

かな？

Success means　that a good tie between a demand for a work and necessity of a personal life works out well.

かな？

My father knew it's not just that our education would be ruined if he sought a promotion.

かな？

その他は良いと思う。