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企業への手紙チェックのお願い【英語】

この度、海外にインターンシップをすることになり、会社を選んだ理由などを書いてるのですが、どうしても文章がうまくかけず、どこか違和感を感じています。おかしいところがあれば是非ご指摘をお願いします。 The reason I chose your company is that your company recruit computer science students and open mind students. Now I am developing a system for Bangladesh customer as a project manager in my University. During the first summer vacation of the graduate school, I joined an internship program for one month and a half in a Japanese company. There I developed a WEB application by using JAVA, and acquired Japanese business manners and requirement gathering in this internship. Through this experience I think I learned a little confident. Then I would like to study about European business style and I am interested in your internship to contribute understanding customer’s need. Your advantage that you will adopt me is that I have knowledge of system development and that my experience is very helpful to understand Japanese customer’s need. For all of these reasons, I hope I can join your internship.

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  • 英語
  • 回答数2
  • 閲覧数44
  • ありがとう数1

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  • ベストアンサー
  • 回答No.1
  • Agee
  • ベストアンサー率42% (414/964)

>The reason I chose your company is that your company recruit computer science students and open mind students. 一つの文に同じ語句の繰り返しが二度あるというのは、こなれた英文に見えません。少なくとも後者は"open-minded computer science students"とすれば、反復を阻止出来ます。 >for one month and a half 私もこういう云い廻しをして、native English speakerから「"a half"の単位が不明だ」と注意されたことがあります。"one and a half months"と云うべきだそうです。Oxford University Pressの 'Basic English Usage'に、"I've been waiting for one and a half months."という例文があり、「one and a halfは複数である」と明記されています。"months"としなければいけません。 >I think I learned a little confident. 謙遜してはいけません。"I think"は余計です。"I became very confident."などとすべきでしょう。

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質問者からのお礼

ご返答ありがとうございます! なるほど。。。いろいろと勉強になりました。 特に最後の自信がついたのコメントに関しては、衝撃を受けました。 そうですよね、少しとか余計ですね! ありがとうございます。

その他の回答 (1)

  • 回答No.2
  • Agee
  • ベストアンサー率42% (414/964)

ANo.1です 多数の回答があるものとの予測で、私は原文の前半までしか検討させて頂きませんでした。しかし、私一人の回答のみで早々に締め切られてしまったので、若干責任を感じます。で、後半の部分に関しても読ませて頂きました。 ・European business style  ビジネスに"style"が相応しいかどうか御検討下さい(一寸軽い気がします)。"procedure"とか"custom"などの方がいいのではないでしょうか。 ・you will adopt me  "adopt"は「養子にする」が一般的な意味で、「採用する」の場合は「(意見・方針などを)採用する」であって、人間を採用する意味はありません。"hire me"あるいは"accept my request"とか何か、別な表現を探すべきです。 ・my experience is very helpful  これは採用された後のことなので未来形にすべきでしょう。 ・ I hope I can join your internship.  「謙遜してはいけない」と矛盾するようですが、ここでは"could"を使った方がいいかも知れません。採用するのは向こうであって、こちらにいくら自信があっても運命を握っているのはあちらだからです。 最初の文に戻りますが、一文で"your company"が二度繰り返されるのも何とかしたい点です。 以上です。幸運を祈ります。

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