My Girlfriend's Weight: A Sensitive Issue in Our Relationship
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As a thin guy, I've always been physically attracted to thinner girls. However, my girlfriend's weight has become a minor issue for me, even though I love her and would never ask her to change.
After speaking to my therapist and roommate, I decided to bring up the issue with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she didn't respond as understandingly as I had hoped and felt hurt and violated.
I'm questioning whether I should have been more sensitive to how women think and if I should have discussed this matter with another woman first. I want our relationship to come out stronger from this experience.
よろしくお願いします
I am a 24-year-old college graduate in my first serious romantic relationship. My experience with girls before this was extremely limited. I've been dating my girlfriend for over six months now, and she is wonderful.
However, her weight has always been a minor issue in the back of my mind: She is not fat but she has a few extra pounds and this can be seen more when she's wearing fewer clothes. I love her and would never ask or demand her to change just for me, but I've been thinking more and more about how her weight bothers me a little bit.
I'm a very thin guy and have naturally gravitated physically toward thinner girls. Until now, I have avoided talking about the matter with my girlfriend except in general terms about others, or the few times she has brought up and engaged with me directly on the matter. When her doctor told her she needed to lose some weight to be healthier, she was upset, although she did not disagree.
So I spoke to my therapist and my roommate, and although they're both men, they both thought that if it was something on my mind and was making me a little uneasy that I should bring it up with her. I did, and she did not respond with as much understanding as I hoped.
She felt hurt and a little violated, like the one guy who's supposed to love and accept her and find her beautiful just the way she is was attacking a part of her identity. She was shocked, confused and taken aback. She tried to explain how some issues are so sensitive, touchy and personal for women that they should never really be brought up for the sake of the satisfaction in the relationship. In all fairness, I did bring it up a little suddenly and not in the most tactful or direct way, but I didn't know how else to start a hard, uncomfortable conversation I was not looking forward to.
She has genes that make it easier for her to gain weight and harder to lose. She has recently started going to the gym, and I was trying to support and encourage her to go more consistently.
My question for you is: Was I wrong for not being sensitive to how women think? Should I have let it go if I considered it a smaller issue in our relationship? Would it have made a difference if I spoke to another woman to ask her thoughts beforehand on if and how I should bring this up with my girlfriend? Did I need to?
I love her and she is very big on being honest and open and comfortable in trusting each other. Our relationship never hinged on her weight, but I just want to come out stronger.
they both thought that if it was something on my mind and was making me a little uneasy that I should bring it up with her.のところはifをthat節で受けているのでしょうか？thatの代わりにコンマの方が自然ではないのでしょうか？あと、come out strongerはどのような意味でしょうか？よろしくお願いします
1. ご指摘の通り "that" の代わりにコンマの方が読み易いと思います。コンマの後に "then" を入れてもよいと思います。
they both thought that if it was something on my mind and was making me a little uneasy, (then) I should bring it up with her.
彼らは共に、そのことがもし私の頭の中にあって、それが多少なりとも私を不安にさせているのなら、私はそのことを彼女に持ち出すべきだ、という考えを持っていた。
2. "but I just want to come out stronger" には "us" が隠れているように思います。
⇒ "but I just want (us) to come out stronger." 「私はただ私たちの関係が（このこことによって）より強まることを望んでいるのです。」
Our relationship never hinged on her weight, but I just want to come out stronger.
私たちの関係は彼女の体重に左右されるようなものでは決してありません。ただ私は私たちの関係が（これで）より強まることを望んでいるのです。
お礼
お世話になります。ご回答ありがとうございます