英文があってるか確認お願いします

質問

I am a student who will have graduated from this school in March.
I must write an English composition because Ms. Brown , our English teacher, commanded us to do it.
I have been studying for many years. Indeed, I do not like to study other than English and science.
However, I learned why it is important to study all subjects.
This is the best thing I learned in this school.

英語のテストで自分のことなどについて英語で作文を書くことになりました
上の英文は自分が書いたやつです
文法などであってるかどうか確認お願いします

回答No.1

Nakay702

以下のとおりお答えします。原文・（説明）・添削文の順に列挙します。

I am a student who will have graduated from this school in March.
（will have graduated のところは、will graduate にすべきでしょうね。あるいは、意志未来でなく、単純未来的な内容と考えれば次のようにも言えます。なお、カッコ内は省略できます。）
→I am a student (who is) going to graduate from this school in March.

I must write an English composition because Ms. Brown , our English teacher, commanded us to do it.
（command「命令する」は強い意味なので、direct「指図する」くらいでよいのではないでしょうか。）
→I have to write an English composition because Ms. Brown, our English teacher, directed us to do it.

I have been studying for many years. Indeed, I do not like to study other than English and science.
（文法的に間違いはありませんが、「数年間多くの科目を学んできました。実を言うと、…以外にそんなにたくさん学ぶのは…」のように変えるともっとよくなると思います。）
→I have been studying many subjects for several years. To tell the truth, I do not like to study so many other than English and science.

However, I learned why it is important to study all subjects.
（これも文法的に間違いはありませんが、「私たちにとってそれがすべて大切だから学ばなければならないのだと思います」のように変えるともっとよくなるでしょう。）
→However, I think that we have to learn them because they are all important for us.

This is the best thing I learned in this school.
（言いたいことがいまいちよく分かりません。「～で学んできたことをとても喜んでいます」のようにしてはいかがでしょう。）
→I am very glad of that I have been learning in this school.