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一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い

一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い 2007年度 (120語~150語)                                                                               条件・ 日本は九月から学校を始業するべきだ。について述べなさい。                                                                                I agree the statement that the school in Japan should start in September. I have two reasons why I think so. First, these days, the world is getting smaller and smaller and I think that it is important for us to look around the world. For example, America has introduced this system for a long time. Considering an increace of people who are American and want to study in Japan, we have to introduce this system quickly. Second, it gose without saying that September is in a fall in Japan and the temperature is a little colder than a spring, so we can concentrate on studying. Thus, I agree that the school year in Japan should start in September and I think what is important is how we make use of this system. (133語)                                                                                          文法面を中心に添削をお願いいたします。宜しくお願いします。

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I agree the statement that the school in Japan should start in September. →I agree with the statement that the school year in Japan should begin in September. I have two reasons why I think so. →Good! First, these days, the world is getting smaller and smaller and I think that it is important for us to look around the world. →文法的にどうこうというより、日本人的なまわりまわった論理展開です。 In many countries including America and Britain, the school year begins in September. とか何とかズバリ言って展開させるべきです。 For example, America has introduced this system for a long time. →この文脈は歴史的に長いかどうかなどはあまり関係ありません。現状がどうかで考えるべきです。 Considering an increace of people who are American and want to study in Japan, we have to introduce this system quickly.    increace → increase →Considering the fact that the number of American people who want to study in Japan is increasing, we should take the system as soon as possible. Second, it gose without saying that September is in a fall in Japan and the temperature is a little colder than a spring, so we can concentrate on studying. gose → goes →Second, it goes without saying that September is in fall in Japan and the temperature is mild like spring, so we can concentrate on studying. あまりcolderなどと言うと、ではspringの方がいいかもと思われてしまいます。しかも、本当?と思います。4月と9月では明らかに4月の方が気温が低いと思います。添削しても、なおなぜ9月の方がいいかこの文ではわかりません。 Thus, I agree that the school year in Japan should start in September and I think what is important is how we make use of this system.  →Thus, I agree that the school year in Japan should begin in September and I think what is important is how we make use of this system.  理由が弱いという感じがしました。ですが、全体の流れはとてもよい文章です。 以上、ご参考になればと思います。

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  • 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い

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