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一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い

一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い 2007年度 (120~150語)                                                                                 条件・ 日本においてクリスマスを祝うべきではない。について述べなさい。                                                                             I do not agree with the statement that christmas should not be celebrated in Japan. Many people, for example, a family, a couple and so on, are looking forward to this special day every year, but I think that this day is more important for children in Japan. They are looking forward to receving a present from "Santasan" which is called in japan. ( I'm sorry it's too much for me to write his name exactly.) Needless to say, the "Santasan" is thier parents, but children don't know the fact. I have an experience that I was given a present from him. If there were no christmas, I think that children would be sad and cry. Thus, I think that this day is very important for many people, especially children, and what is important is how you consider them seriously. (139語)                                                                   文法面を中心に、ご指摘いただきたいと思います。よろしくお願いいたします。

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  • 英語
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  • stucko
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 I do not agree with the statement that Christmas should not be celebrated in Japan. Many people, whether they be couples, a family, or otherwise, look forward to this special day every year. Most importantly, I think that this day is even more special for children in Japan. They look forward to receiving presents from "Santa-san" (which is what Santa is called in japan). Needless to say, "Santa-san" is in reality their parents, but most children are not aware of this fact. I myself have had the experience of receiving a present from him. If there were no Christmas, I think that children would be sad and cry. Thus, I think that this day is very important for many people, especially children, and the most important thing is that we seriously consider them. 最後のhow you consider them seriouslyのthemは子供のこと?意味はわかるけどちょっと不自然かなぁと思いました。 ほとんどあっていましたがis looking forwardをlook forwardに変えました。それ以外も変えましたが、文法問題というより英語を母国語とする人が言うようなことと違っていました。

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質問者からのお礼

回答ありがとうございます。themはご指摘の通り子供たちのことです。確かに分かりづらかったですね。もしよろしければこれからも添削を宜しくお願いします。別解も参考になりました。ありがとうございました。

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