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自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

何度も失礼します。前回、前々回とも詳しく、ご丁寧な添削ありがとうございます。 あつかましいのですが、また自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 グローバル化がもたらすメリットとデメリット・それに対する意見 The merit of globalization is that we can access to technology, imformation, services and markets all over the world. They are good for local communities because they could take part in world economic. But,the demerit of globalization is that there is a possibility that individual distinctions of culture and society become erased by an increasingly homogeneous global culture. For example, I have been to Thailand before. I hoped that I enjoyed ehnic costume and delicious food wagons although they are dirty. But, The scene of Thailand seldom change to a spectacle of Japan. There were a lot of department stores of Japan, and many people enjoyed shopping with the dress in good taste. As my conclution, it is important for us to advance globalization as we remain individual culture and society. 長くなってしまいすいません。どんな些細な点でもご指摘いただければありがたいです。よろしくお願いします。

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  • 英語
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  • 回答No.2

以前と比べて、かなり綺麗な英語になってきたと思いますよ。 ・1文目--access to の後がthe technology----markets of all over the world.meritという表現を使わないならば、The globalization would bring us the easy access to the technology --- markets of all over the world.・2文目--主語はTheyではなく、itですね。つまりglobalizationですね。economics→economyですね。・3文目--文は間違っていないと思うのですが、次のような感じでどうですか。possibility that 以下 the distinctions of each culture and society could become unclear, influenced by the homogenous global culture・4文目-- タイに行ったことがあるということですね。これでいいのでは。・5文目-- hoped that以下でI could enjoy the local ethnic costume and delicious food.dirty は入れない方がよいのでは。・6文目--ここは以下で如何ですか。差がないとか、違いが分かりにくいといった場合、I could not tell the big differences between those of Thailand and Japan.・7文目-- There were a lot of Japanese department stores and many people enjoyed shopping with wearing good clothing as many people are doing in Japan. ・8文目--As conclusionは確かに辞書にないです。有る方が受験的には良いですね。結論のところ、言いたい事は分かりますが、以下のような表現でどうですか、Thus,we should get along with the globalizaiton with paying attentions to the distinctions of local cultures. 高度な文を書かれていますね。頑張って下さいね。

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質問者からのお礼

毎回ご丁寧に添削して下さりありがとうございます!文法的、表現的なミスのみならず、その言い換えの表現までアドバイスして下さり本当に助かります。今回は色々な本から表現を借りてきたので、前よりは良い英語になったのかと思います。(^^)

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  • 回答No.1

merit,demeritですがこの意味ならばadvantage,disadvantageを使ったほうがいいかと思います。どうしてもmerit,demeritを使うなら複数形にすべきです。 2行目のeconomicはeconomyでは? 3行目、butの代わりにhoweverもありますよ。butが間違っているわけではありませんが。また、「文化の差が消える」ところですが、完全に消えるは少しいいすぎかもしれないので、「あいまいになる」でerasedのかわりにblurredやfaintはいかがでしょうか。 4行目 i hoped that i would enjoy~。あとalthough以下は本文の趣旨と関係ないのでなくてもいいのでは?もし単語数が足りないのであれば名詞や形容詞を追加(例えば3行目のpossibilityをslight possibilityにするなど)したほうがいいと思います 5行目は最後の部分をdressed in good tasteと分詞構文にしたほうがすっきりすると思います。 最後の行のas one's conclusionという表現は聞いたことがありません。これは辞書に載っていたのですか?もしそうでないならfinally, in closing, to conclude, to sum up, in shortなどのほうがいいかと思います

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質問者からのお礼

ご回答ありがとうございます!自分で書いているだけではなかなか表現に幅が出なかったり、勝手なミスをおかしていてしまったりするので、このように指摘していただくと助かります!ありがとうございます!

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