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英作文の添削をお願いします(中学~高校レベル)

英作文の添削をお願いします。間違った文法やおかしな表現がありましたらぜひご教授願います。 I think that advertising is necessary for both companies and us, even for primary schoolchildren. Of course, advertisings give us a lot of useful information. For companies, ads are important to know their products. But I think that ads have another merit. It is we can know the latest society. We can understand latest society by knowing a lot of new products. For example, Honda invented a new robot which can wait on customers in café. So we can know the level of robot technology and imagine the future. Also, advertising gives schoolchild interests about society.  It broadens their outlook. And they can gain wisdom of lives. And I also think elementary school is the best time to have interests in society. So I’m sure that it is important to know the real world. So I don’t mind ads in elementary school. よろしくおねがいします。

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  • 回答No.1

中学・高校としては、結構、しっかり書けてますね。中学・高校生どころか大学生までが宿題の丸投げを教えて!gooでやっているケースがあるなかで、あなたのような質問の仕方には共感を覚えます。 > I think that advertising is necessary for both companies and us, even for primary schoolchildren. usというのは宣伝を見る消費者のことですよね。前後の文脈がないのであれば、consumersにしてしまったほうが良いと思います。会社にとっても消費者にとっても宣伝は必要なものだという意見には、違和感がありますが、そういう趣旨なら、そのように書くしかないでしょう。 > Of course, advertisings give us a lot of useful information. For companies, ads are important to know their products. なんで会社側にとっても、自分たち自身の製品について知ることが重要なんですか?For companies, ads are important to promote their productsなら分かるんですが。 > We can understand latest society by knowing a lot of new products. latestは最上級ですから、前にtheをつけるのが普通。 > For example, Honda invented a new robot which can wait on customers in café. So we can know the level of robot technology and imagine the future. すみません、caf&eacuteは何かの文字化けだと思いますが、元の単語が思いつきません。「;.」というのは、極めて異例な句読点方だと思いますね。単に「.」なら分かるのですが。いずれにしても、So we can know the level of robot technology and imagine the future.は、現在と将来の比較を明確にしたほうがよいので、So we can learn the current level of robot technologies and thus imagine what will happen in the future.とかの方がよいと思います。 > Also, advertising gives schoolchild interests about society.  It broadens their outlook. schoolchildは複数形にしたほうが素直なのではないでしょうか。それから、interestという単語は、単なる興味ではなく、かなり社会運動に積極的に貢献するような強い興味を示したり、逆に、ビジネス上の利益という含意があったりしますので、自分なら好奇心curiosityあたりに変えます。Outlookは世の中に対するものの見方という意味で使っていると思います。違和感がないわけではないのですが、まあ、いいでしょう。ただし、何に対する見方なのかを加えたほうがよいです。結論としては Also, advertizing gives schoolchildren curiosity to the society and it broadens their outlook of the world.と私なら書きます。微妙なのが、advertizingと書くべきなのかadvertisingと書くべきなのかという問題で、まあ、英語と米語の違いがあるかもしれません。この単語については、良い辞書を引いてみても答えは曖昧だったのですが、通常のこの手の動詞であれば、-isingと書くのがイギリス式、-izingと書くのがアメリカ式です。 > And I also think elementary school is the best time to have interests in society. 自分なら、And I also think that elementary school is the best place for schoolchildren to develop curiosity to the societyです。 >So I’m sure that it is important to know the real world. So I don’t mind ads in elementary school. 文章として書きたいなら、I'mとかの省略形式はやめましょうよ。また、最後の文で、「小学校内に宣伝があっても、自分は気にしない」という意味なら、これはmindではなくcareを使うケースです。最後のschoolは複数形にしたほうが良いですね。 中学生ですか?高校生ですか?何年生ですか?このまま順調に英語の勉強を続けていきましょう。

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詳しい解説をありがとうございました。 何とか無事に提出することができました。 文字化けの単語はイタリア語の文字表記になっていました。もとの単語はcafeです。

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  • 英作文の添削をお願いします(中学~高校レベル)

    辞書片手に英作文を行いました。つたない英語で申し訳ありませんが、以下の文において、文法的な間違いがありましたら、添削をお願いします。 In any case, I don't think suicide is all right. Mr.A and his doctor's decision is stupid. I know "Where there is life, there is hope". We can do nothing without life. Nothing is more important than life. Suicide can release peopple from pain, but also takes away their future and joy. How painful he was, he should try to live. Though he had an incurable disease, it's only one of trial of his life. In fact, there are many people have an incurable disease and try to live better. I think A's decision was wishful thinking. I also have an incurable disease of skin, but I've never thought suicide. It's wrong to choose death in any case.

  • 自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

    何度も失礼します。前回、前々回とも詳しく、ご丁寧な添削ありがとうございます。 あつかましいのですが、また自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 グローバル化がもたらすメリットとデメリット・それに対する意見 The merit of globalization is that we can access to technology, imformation, services and markets all over the world. They are good for local communities because they could take part in world economic. But,the demerit of globalization is that there is a possibility that individual distinctions of culture and society become erased by an increasingly homogeneous global culture. For example, I have been to Thailand before. I hoped that I enjoyed ehnic costume and delicious food wagons although they are dirty. But, The scene of Thailand seldom change to a spectacle of Japan. There were a lot of department stores of Japan, and many people enjoyed shopping with the dress in good taste. As my conclution, it is important for us to advance globalization as we remain individual culture and society. 長くなってしまいすいません。どんな些細な点でもご指摘いただければありがたいです。よろしくお願いします。

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします!

    英語でスピーチをする予定があり、原稿を作ったのですが、文法や自然な表現に自信がないので、長文ですが添削をお願いします!^^ Are you happy? Of course there are many happy, enjoyable things. Sports, movies, shopping, and so forth. However, there are also many unhappy, depressive things. Do you surely think you are really happy? Today, the world is facing many serious problems. Discrimination, poverty, war, and so forth. However, we Japanese don’t have such serious problems. We were born in blessed, rich land, Japan. We can eat, buy what we want, and …..live. Then, what are the problems? Big one of the problems Japan facing is a problem of stress. I also suffer from the stress. “One pair of half pants is called pajamas”. “I’m called a Yankee because my hair is gold.” I’ll move on my topic. There are many stress. Human relationships, anxiety, a sense of inferiority, the number of stress is limitless. Because of these stress, many people cannot imagine bright future, only suffer from stress. If we suffer from stress, we cannot concentrate enjoyable things, and enjoy our lives. Stress has influence on not only our mind, but also our body. You can imagine depression as mental disease, difficult breathing, circulatory system and digestive system. To know these effects, perhaps you know how serious stress is. By the way, have you think of any solutions for stress? As I said before, there are many kind of stress, and those causes are also different. But I declare one cause of stress is broadcasting. This linkage is seemed unrealistic. However, media make us imagine there are full of sad accidents, crimes, disease and so on. We live in dark world. Why do we believe that? This is because we watch a number of news, broadcasting sad and dark things. Our brains believe the world we live is dark, not bright unconsciously. Of course there are not only dark ones, but also bright ones, but media focus on dark ones more easily, than bright ones. As I take one example, news about bullying. This news is broadcasted many times, and gathers much attention. That’s why our brains believe the world is full of sadness, hopeless. And we easily feel depression and suffer from stress. Then, how can we save ourselves? How can we release stress? Which way is the best way to solve the problem? Excluding the cause of stress? Or Changing society itself creating stress? Banning broadcasting dark news? All of them are not seemed effective way to solve it. Do we have to endure stress or deceive ourselves? We don’t suffer from stress. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m happy No way. I refuse to do that. All we have to do is to deceive our brains. We have two simple choices to do. 1st is to look into just bright future. If we do that, our brains recognize only bright future without thinking and we think in a positive way. However, this way is not a perfect way. Some really suffer from stress and cannot look into bright future. Then, I will introduce 2nd way. 2nd is to appreciate 3 things every day and write down them. For example, I live with my aunt and she takes care of me. Now, I write down three things. 1st, “my aunt cooks a meal for me.” Thank to that, I keep my health and eat delicious food. 2nd, “every morning, my aunt sends me to the station.” That’s why I can save my time in the morning and sleep more. 3rd, “on my birthday, my aunt give me 1000 yen.” 1000 yen is not a little money!! To continue this, your brains will believe there are full of many happy, bright, fine things. We live in a happy world. Some of you think why this is beneficial for you? Yes. I’ll explain it. By getting this thought, positive way to look into your future, you suffer from less and less stress, and are released from stress. This is totally enough. And, the effect is not only reducing stress. Please don’t be surprised. By released from stress, your brains work well as 30%. You will not have trouble to studying. You will be able to get degree more easily. Good! If you got this thought, your future would be bright. I hope you will get bright future.

その他の回答 (1)

  • 回答No.2
noname#47281

なかなか上手く書けていますよ。しかし、添削ということで 少し気になる部分を指摘させて頂きます。 >companies 会社のことですよね。しかし、ここでは「企業」という意味で enterprisesの方が適切でしょう。 > primary schoolchildren 「小学生」のことを指していると思うんですが、ちょっと無理のある表現です。schoolchildrenだけでもOKですし、もしくは pupils of primary schoolとします。 >to know their products これは目的を表していると思うんですが、 in order to know their products という風に目的を明確に表した方がいいでしょう。 >merit 日本語では「メリット」をよく使いますが、英語では advantageの方が適切でしょう。meritだと「功績」とか「称賛価値」のニュアンスを含みます。 >Also Alsoだけを文頭に置いても浮いてしまいます。 In additionなどを使った方がいいでしょう。 > schoolchild ここは複数形にすべきです。 > elementary school 最初の方で primary schoolchildrenとあったので、イギリス英語で統一するなら primary schoolとした方がいいでしょう。 >And they can gain wisdom of lives これは日本人が忘れがちなんですが、wisdomの前に someを置いた方がいいでしょう。ここでは wisdomは不加算名詞ですが、生活の知恵は 広告で得られるものが唯一(全て)ではなく一部分のはずです。もし、 唯一(全て)の場合は theを付けます。 > It broadens their outlook. And they can gain wisdom of lives. これなんかは、It broadens their outlook and allows them to gain... と一つにまとめればスッキリします。 > elementary school is the best time to have interests in society elementary schoolは the period of beeing schoochildren とした方が分かりやすいでしょう。 >real world これは微妙ななんですが、 actual worldの方がいいかもしれません。 realは意味が広いし、 virtual worldの反対の意味のような感じもします。 あと、欲を言えば importantが2回使われていますが、 crucial とか essentialとかに言い変えて工夫があればベターです。それとこれは日本人に特徴的なんですが thinkも3回使われていますが、suppose とか considerとかも使うともっとスマートな英文になります。

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詳しい添削をありがとうございました。 とても勉強になりました。

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