• ベストアンサー
  • すぐに回答を!

自由英作文の添削お願いします。

2度目の投稿です。前回も大変お世話になりました。今回も添削よろしくお願いします<(_ _)> 問)あなたが母校の校長先生になれるとしたら、何をしたいですか?その理由とともに80語以上の英語で書きなさい If I became a plincipal of my school,I would like to introduce a volunteer activity. In particular,I want to have students call at a home for the aged.There are some reasons for this.First of all,I'd like to get students to learn what they can't study in class.By visiting a day care center,they can learn how to get on with elderly persons,and come by knowledge from old persons. Second, now that Japan is an aging society.Above all,students needs to learn welfare,so this plan will become chances they are interested in well-being. 文法、語彙ミス等の指摘、内容に関するアドバイス等ありましたらよろしくお願いします<(_ _)>

共感・応援の気持ちを伝えよう!

  • 回答数2
  • 閲覧数89
  • ありがとう数2

質問者が選んだベストアンサー

  • ベストアンサー
  • 回答No.1

If I [became→could become] (削a) p[l→r]incipal of my school, I would like to introduce [it] a volunteer activity. In particular, I want to have [my] students (call at/visit) a home for the aged. There are some reasons for this. First of all, I'd like to get [the] students to learn what they can't [study in class→learn at school]. By visiting [a day care center,→such a home] they can learn how to get [on→along] with elderly persons, and [come by knowledge→learn a lot] from [old persons→them]. Second, now that Japan is an aging society[. Above all], students need(削s) to learn welfare [activities.][, so→So,] this plan will become [their great] chance[削s] they (are/become) [more] interested in [well-being→helping elderly people in the world]. 英語では,動詞や形容詞など同じ意味でも単語を変えてアキさせない工夫が見られますが,名詞を換えると同じ話なのか,話題が変わったのか混乱させることがあります.theや代名詞を用いて表現すると「らしく」なります. 校長になれなくても,こんな分野で活躍する人を応援します.

共感・感謝の気持ちを伝えよう!

質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございます!! とても丁寧な添削、参考になりました。 これを参考にもう1度書き直してみようと思います^^ 本当に、ご回答ありがとうございました!!

関連するQ&A

  • 自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

    課題:中学生の学習意欲向上のためにあなたは、どのように取り組みますか。方策も含めて150字前後で述べよ。 Some students think why they have to study or studying is not interesting.It leads to student's low learning motivation.I would like to improve student's learning motivation by two methods as followed. The first method is linking learning contents with the things what they are interested in. I think almost all people can not like the things that they are not interested in.Therefore, in my lesson, I would like to teach English words linking with anime's character's name or song's lyrics which students like. The second one is praising the students.The students who is low learning motivation think that they are not good at studying.So I would like to cultivate their confidence to praise them emphatically when they could solve simple question that I gave. Students have each reasons why they are low learning motivation.Therefore I will make student's learning motivation improve under understanding their contexts. いくらかの生徒がなぜ勉強しなければいけないのか。や勉強はつまらないという理由から学習意欲の低下が起こっている。私は、以下の二つの方法によりこれを向上させたい。 一つめは、学習内容と生徒が興味のあるものを結びつけることである。ほとんどの人々が興味のない物は好きになれないと思うからである。それゆえ、私は英語の授業の中で英単語と生徒の興味のあるアニメのキャラクターや、歌詞を結びつけて教えたい。 二つめの方法は、褒めることである。学習意欲の低い生徒は、自分達は勉強が苦手だと思っているので、私が与えた簡単な問題に応えることができたときはしっかり褒めたい。 生徒の学習意欲の低下には各々の理由がある。ゆえに私は、その理由を理解した上で生徒の学習意欲をあげたい。

  • 自由英作文を添削してください!

    慶応義塾大学の自由英作です、この大学の問題は解いたことがないので分かりません。 何について書くかというと まず状況から言うと、地元の高齢者ハウスを応援するために、二人の高校生がポスター何枚か学校に掲示します。 でも、少人数しか集まらなくてはじめられない。 指示が、どのようにしたら人数を集めることができるかということです。  ポスターの内容  ・場所がかいてあり  ・日時が毎週日曜・9時から   ・人数25人  ・活動内容は、話し相手、食事の補助、散歩の付き合いなど です  条件があって    ・生徒たちはなぜ少ししか応じてくれなかったのか。    ・どういう行動をとるべきか。    ・なぜその行動がうまくいくとかんがえるのか。 指定語数は100語です。 僕は136字書きました。 よろしくおねがいします。 Recently there has been a few young people who are interested in volunteers for caring elderly people. This is why, only a few students responded. I think that there are many things which they can in order to gather people. I think that they should interest people who are indifferent to the volunteer activity.For example , they talks eagerly over it with their friends in person. Then , I would like to mention poster. First, I think they change a.m.9:00 to a.m.10:00.This is because young people are poor at getting up early.when they are used to doing it, they should return to a.m.9:00 . I also think they should draw pictures and make it colorful in order to attract people. It is the most important thing is to convey their passion.

  • 自由英作文の添削お願いします。

    2007年の早稲田大学法学部の問題です。 Students at many universities in Japan are required to study a foreign language, usually English. Some universities require students to study more than one foreign language. Some people say universities should not require students to study a foreign language at all. Which do you think is the best policy? Write a paragraph explaining your opinion. Give at least one appropriate reason to support your answer. I agree with the request for students to study more than one foreign language.This is because not only japan but also other countrise all over the world have been heading for the globarization and foreign languages,especially English have been getting more and more important.If they don’t learn more than one language at their college,they may be left from international society.It is true that foreign languages are not necessary to some of them.However,they should not ignore the fact that there are international disputs around the world.So,they need to study foreign languages so that they can understand other countrise. 合格点(6,7割)を目指しているのですが、この程度ではやはり程遠いでしょうか? アドバイスや感想などありましたらよろしくお願いします。

その他の回答 (1)

  • 回答No.2
  • mabomk
  • ベストアンサー率40% (1414/3521)

がんばってよく書けていると思います。 とりあえず、ミススペル、、、 plincipal -> principal students needs -> students need 母校は「my old school」の方が明確になります periodの後には必ず、ワンスペースを入れる習慣を。 添削できませんので、参考になるかどうか分かりませんが、下記を読んでみてください。 If I would become a principal of my old school, what I would introduce first is a volunteer activity by my student to the aged people at the nearby day-care facility. By doing so, they would have a good chance to learn what they can't experience in classroom from the elderly people. In view of the current nuclear family they rarely talk with the aged. Further, this would give my students valuable opportunity to think about the aging society they would soon see and social welfare in general.

共感・感謝の気持ちを伝えよう!

質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございます!! スペルミスの指摘、助かりました<(_ _)> 文章のほう、参考にさせていただきます(^^) 本当に、ご回答ありがとうございました!!

関連するQ&A

  • 自由英作文の添削お願いします

    はじめてこちらを利用させていただく受験生です。よろしくお願いします。 2週間後に大学受験があるのですが、英作が苦手なのでとても不安です; そこで、是非皆様に、添削していただきアドバイス等いただけたらと思い投稿させていただきます<(_ _)> 問 大学生は一人暮らし、あるいは家族から離れて暮らすべきだと考える人もいます。あなたはこの意見に賛成ですか、反対ですか?その理由も説明しなさい。(50&#65374;70語) I approve of this opinion for some reasons.First,by living alone,we will come to do housework by ourselves.For instance,we can learn cooking,cleaning rooms,doing our washing and so on.They all are important things for the future in our lives. In addition,living alone teaches us how important existence of familiy is. That's why I agree with this idea. 文法的なミスや、内容に関すること等ご指摘いただければありがたいです。 よろしくお願いします<(_ _)>

  • 自由英作文の添削お願いします

    4度目のお願いになります。お世話になっています<(_ _)> 今回もよろしくお願いします。 What can you do in your daily life to protect the environment? (about50words) I'd like to reduce the garbage in order to protect the environment.For the purpose of this, I'm able to recycle plastic bottles, newspapers, and so on.In addition, I'd like to reuse something.For instance, if I sell my books I don't need in a secondhand bookstore, these books will get others to read those. 初めて対策提案型の英作にトライしたのですが、イマイチどのように書けばいいのか分かりませんでした; そこで、質問なのですが、このようなタイプの英作は、どのように書き出しをし、展開したらいいのでしょうか? また主語は<私>でいいのでしょうか? いろいろお手数かけてすみません<(_ _)>添削よろしくお願いします。

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

    野球は、アメリカの国民的スポーツのひとつである。多くのアメリカ人は、子供の頃、 近所の野原で野球をして大きくなる。泥まみれになり、隣の誰それは自分より上手になった とか、ならないとかいいながら、他人と共同生活を送っていくすべを身に着けていく。あるいは 他人に負かされるという屈辱感を受け入れる訓練を重ねていく。 Baseball is one of the national sports in Ameria. Many Americans play it in their childhood on near grass from their house and grow with it. By doing so, they can learn how to get along with other people in their life, being maddy, saying someone next to them became well or less than themselves in it. We can also say that they train themselves to acknowledge the regret to be beated by other pople. 大変わかりづらい文章になってしまいました。屈辱感 でかなり困りました。 回答よろしくお願いします。

  • 英作の添削をお願いします

    出来栄えも10てん中で判断してほしいです。 ポスターで募集をかけているボランティアの数を増えないのでどうすれば増やせるか(慶應経済) そしてそれは何故増えないのか 増やすにはどうすればいいか 何故成功できると考えるか を 含めて説明せよ という問題です I think why only a few students responded is a variety of reasens. One reasen is that a lot of good imformation ,such as merits of volunteer are lacking. By this demerit, a lot of high school students to want to work as a volunteer may lose motivation. Another reasen is that the time to carry out a volunteer work is fixed. They can't conduct volunteer everyday because they are busy studying as a high school students . Therefore, I think what they can do to increase the number of volunteers is that they should change a cotents of the poster. if they can describe a vriety of merits of volunteer work and explain the students can be free to have a right to conduct volunteer work in poster , they will be able to increase the number of volunteers.

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします

    非常に拙い文章ですみません。 明らかにヘンなところだけでもOKですので、添削していただければ助かります。 ここはこう言った方がかっこいい!とかも嬉しいです。 私としては特に、「この状態では完璧に仕事をこなすことができないと思い」のところが不安です。 このままでは「仕事を全くこなすことができない」にとれませんか? I had learned Italian language in Italy before. After I have returned to Japan in 2007, I worked in an office where I helped candidates who want to study various arts in Italy. For this work, I could use mainly Italian language to communicate with staffs of the art school in Italy, but then it was also necessary writing and sometimes also speaking English because of various nationalities of candidates and students. Since I had learned English at university I can use it anyway. But I think that I couldn’t be useful perfectly in this situation so I left my job. Then I looked for other jobs which proper to me, but in Japan many works which are related to Italy require also ability of English. For this reason I decided to learn it seriously. I believe learning English will be much help for me.

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

    旅行者は訪れた土地のいかなる組織にも属さず、組織からの束縛がないから、 その言動においも、思考においても、自由である。その自由は、彼の観察の中立性、 客観性、正確さのために有利な条件として働くだろう。 No restrictions from organizations can affect travelers in the place they visit, for they don't belong to them. Because of this, they are free in their utterances or thought. Thanks to their neutral, objective and exact observation coming from the freedom, it works as the advantageous condition. 最後の文はとんでもなく汚い文になってしまいました・・・。 回答よろしくお願いします。

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

    英作文が苦手なので、上達のため英文を書いてみました。 文法上の間違い、文章の構造などについて、アドバイスをください。 テーマは「大学の秋入学について」です Recently,many universities are considering whether change the admission season from spring to autumn or not. This attempt arouse wide public concern, and, of course the public divided into supporter and opponent. In my opinion, it is beneficial to universities. Under the existing system, because of the different program between Japanese university and foreign university, each students are hard to study in abroad.So, If the attempt carry out, many Japanese students are easier to go abroad and Universities can receive more international students. Moreover the increasing of international students in Japan can improve Japanese students' sense of competition and cooperation. However, opponent says this attempt can destroy Japanese traditional culture. They think globalization is equal to imitating USA, and Japan should have own position in the world. As far as I concerned,the opponent's opinion is too much exaggerated. Foreign country is not only USA , but also including non-English country. And we can't neglect Japanese culture. If the globalization will be success, Japan's economy turn to good condition gradualy. From the above thing, I support the autumn admission.

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします

    自由英作文の添削をよろしくお願いします。 テーマ:いじめに対するアドバイス 条件 ・150words以上 ・3パラグラフ構成以上 ・序論・本論・結論が明確であること。 These days, the problem of bulling is often picked up on the TV program. Some students choose to kill themselves because they feel that they have no another choice to solve the problem. Other students ceased to go to school and study at home. Still others rely on their parents and their parents speak to child’s teacher or the principal and ask them to tell bully to stop bulling. In my opinion, the best way for being bullied students to solve the problem is just continuing to go to school. Of course, I can understand that their parents worry about child’s safety. However, if parents tell them not to go to school, students never change their thought. In my experience, I did go to school when I was bullied, even though I wanted to quit the school or kill myself. But now, I think it was a good experience for my long life. Since I had been mentally injured a lot, I got my heart strong and when my friends or people related me are in trouble, I can give them more proper advice than other people who had never been bullied. For this reason, even if you feel miserable or feel like killing yourself now, you should go to school. This makes you stronger and some day it will be a good experience for you. (226 words) 結論が短いため主張が弱いとは思うものの、文章展開の仕方や肉付けがうまくできていませんが アドバイスや指摘などいただけるとありがたいです。 宜しくお願いします。

  • 自由英作文(大学受験) 添削お願いします。

    一度ここで添削してもらい、書き直したものです。 文法・表現の誤りなどご教授お願いいたします。 また、私の志望大学は150語以内でありこの解答よりも長めです。 長い作文を書く時、特に注意する点などはありますか? 設問 小学校の英語必履修化かについてどう思うか I agree with this idea. First, children can learn various things easily. When I was eight years old, I went to English school for ten days and I sung a lot of songs there. It was only ten days, but I remember these songs now. Children can remember learning for a long time. Second, we will get chances to speak in English more and more, because we live in international age. If you can speak English, you can express yourself for foreigner. However, there are people who are not good at English. Leaning English in elementary school will solve this problem. Therefore, I believe that children should study English.(109words)

  • 英作文 添削お願いします

    英作文 添削お願いします 日本語訳の下が「作った英文」、模範解答の下が「模範解答」です 「ものの見方を変えれば気持ちも新しくなる。」 Also the mind becomes new by changing the way of seeing things. 模範解答 Different viewpoints bring us different feelings. If we change our way of looking at things, we will have a new feeling. 「日本語では短い言葉で多くのことを表すことができる。」 Japanese enable us to express many things with short words. 模範解答 You can say a lot of things with a few words in Japanese. 「人と人が理解しあう手段は様々なのである。」 There are some kinds of the ways of people understanding each other. 模範解答 There are various ways for people to understand each other. There are many ways in which people understand one another. 「私たちは、人から必要とされることで幸せになります。」 We feel happy by being needed by other people. 模範解答 We become happy when we are needed by other people. It makes us happy to be needed by others. 「彼らが働く場を作ることは、私たちの責任なのです。」 It is responsible for us to make the place where they can work. 模範解答 We have to make places for them to work in. It is our responsibility to make places where they work. お願いします。