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一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い ２００９年度 （１２０～１５０字） 条件・ ユーモアのセンスは、人生の中で重要なことである。について述べなさい。 I agree to this idea. These days, there are many sad accidents such as bullying, suicide,and so on. I think that the one of reasons why these problems happen is a lack of sense of humor. I have an experience supporting my idea. When I was a junior high school student, I had a friend. He was a funny boy and always made me laugh. One day, we had a quarrel and our friendly relationship broke. We couldn't talk each other for a few days. I wanted to say to him "I'm sorry", but I couldn't. After a while, he suddenly came to me and said a funny word to me "How are you". We laught at that word each other and then we could recover our relationship. Thus, I think that a sense of humor make us happy and it will be a good thing for sad accidents. (142字） 今回は少し難しかったです。ユーモアのことについては考えたことがなかったので・・・。なので文法面はそうですが、今回は文章の組み立て方を中心に添削していただけると助かります。宜しくお願い致します。
- irisbudda
- お礼率78% (22/28)
- 英語
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条件・ ユーモアのセンスは、人生の中で重要なことである。について述べなさい。 １）I agree to this idea. ** 今回は「～は・・・である。」と言い切っている提言ですね。そういう場合は"statement"とか"argument"でいいですよ。 ２）These days, there are many sad accidents such as bullying, suicide, and so on. →OKです。 **「１件、２件」と数えられる"suicide"は可算名詞になります。ここでは"suicides"ですね。 http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=many+suicides ３）I think that the one of reasons why these problems happen is a lack of sense of humor. ** "one of the 複数名詞"ですね。"one of the reasons" ４）I have an experience supporting my idea. ** "my idea"は"the idea"か"my argument"の方がいいでしょうね。"my idea"だと「私の提案、私のアイデア」という風に使うことが多いです。"argument"は彼がこう言う、あなたがこう言う、私がこう言うという意味の考えですから「私の"argument"」という言い方もできるわけです。 ５）When I was a junior high school student, I had a friend.→OKです。 ６）He was a funny boy and always made me laugh..→OKです。 ７）One day, we had a quarrel and our friendly relationship broke. ** 後半は「われわれの友達関係がこわれた。」の逐語訳ですね。もっと中学英語のように言うと "we were not so friendly (any more)."とも言えます。 ８）We couldn't talk each other for a few days. ** "talk to each other"ですね。"each other"は名詞の一種です。よく「お互いに」と訳してある辞書がありますが、厳密には間違いです。まだ「お互い（に）」とカッコがついているのは曖昧ですが親切です。 "I talk to him."+"He talks to me."＝"We talk to each other."となります。２つの名詞が相互に矢印を向けたような感じの時に使います。副詞句ではないことをよく確認して下さい。 ** "couldn't"をつかっても受験レベルではあまりうるさくいわないと思いますが、仮定法ととられることが多いので、"were unable to"の方が現実にはよく使われます。ここでは"didn't"でいいと思います。 ９）I wanted to say to him "I'm sorry", but I couldn't.→OKです。 10）After a while, he suddenly came to me and said a funny word to me "How are you". ** "a ～ word"だと「単語１語」ですね。ここの後半は日本語に直しにくいです。 「冗談を言う」なら"tell a joke(/jokes)"です。 "funny word"の形しか思いつかなければ、"said some funny words"でしょうね。しかしあとの"How ～?"が文法的に浮いてしまっています。 ** "joke"を使えば後半は"and said to me,"How are you?" telling me a joke" あるいは"and told me a joke, saying "How are you?""などですね。 ** 便利な言い方を一つ覚えて下さい。形容詞の"funny"「おもしろい；こっけいな」を「おもしろく、こっけいに」など副詞のいみの言い回しにすると"in a funny way"とか"in a funny manner"などとも言えます。 ** 「"in + 形容詞 + way(/manner)"＝副詞」になります。どうにも副詞形が思いつかなければ使って下さい。 （例）and said, "How are you?" in a funny way. 11）We laught at that word each other and then we could recover our relationship. ** "laughed"ですね。それと"those words"ですね。 ** ここの"each other"は"together"ですね。独立して「お互いに」という意味では使えませんね。 12）Thus, I think that a sense of humor make us happy and it will be a good thing for sad accidents. →OKです。 書き方はいいと思いますよ。文法の間違いを極力避ける書き方になっています。普通「ユーモアとは・・・」となりがちですが、自身の経験はすぐに考えが思いつきますね。短いエッセイ形式で書ける時はそうして下さい。 エッセイ形式では、大半が演繹型になると思います。 １）結論 ２）例示（理由付けになることが多い） ３）一般化つまり結論の別の言い方 文を書く時に、主張の一般文か例示文かを気をつけておけば、それほど長い英文ではないと思いますので、かなりすっきりとかけると思います。
その他の回答 (1)
- jacksic
- ベストアンサー率28% (28/99)
大学で英作文の授業を取っていました。英作文は大好きです。 全体的にとてもよく書けていると思います。ただ何箇所か英語の意味が「ん？」と思うところがありました。 でも今回は文章の組み立て方についての回答をお求めのようなので、こちらを参考になさって見るとよろしいかと思います。 http://www.ravco.jp/cat/view.php?cat_id=4596&PHPSESSID=fp4lhuisr95be69ndl0jdeeqm4
お礼
回答ありがとうございます。英語を専攻されている方に褒めていただけるとは・・・。とてもうれしいですし自信になります。なるほど、文章は組み立て方もやはり大事なのですね。もしよろしければこれからも添削していただけたらなと思います。本当にありがとうございました。
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iiubileeさん再び回答ありがとうございます。文法面も丁寧に添削して下さり本当に助かります。each otherは副詞句ではないのですね。toの付け忘れに気を付けます。今日も英作文を上げますのでもしよろしければ添削をお願いいたします。本当にありがとうございました。