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英作文の添削出来る方お願いします。

いろいろな活動をしたり、会に参加したりしていて思ったこと。それは、相手に自分を印象付けられる人は強い、ということです。何が強いかというと、記憶への粘りです。つまり、覚えてもらえるということです。 While I took part in a variety of activities or assembly, I came to consider that those who can make others impressed have advantage. The reason why they have advantage is sticking to memories. In sort, they can be remembered. よろしくお願いします。

共感・応援の気持ちを伝えよう!

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  • 回答No.2
  • go_urn
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1)いろいろな活動をしたり、会に参加したりしていて思ったこと。それは、相手に自分を印象付けられる人は強い、ということです。  「・・・思ったこと。それは」の処理は巧みだと思います。  make others impressed のところ(impress themselves upon others とすべき)と、consider(think のほうが自然)が問題にされる可能性がある程度です。  (★代案)While taking part in a variety of activities and assemblies, I have come to think that those who can impress themselves upon you have an advantage. 2)何が強いかというと、記憶への粘りです。つまり、覚えてもらえるということです。  ここは「粘り」が比喩的な意味で使われていますので、工夫が必要です。stick to memories は一案ですが、The reason why they have advantage is sticking to memories. だと、何が stick to memories なのか少し分かりにくいです。  1)の部分で you を使っておくとこの処理がしやすくなります。彼らの印象があなたの記憶の中に固着する、と言えば通じるからです。fixate といった動詞が浮びますが、受験では無理なので、last long (長続きする)なども有力な候補になるでしょう。  あと in short は、前の部分がある程度の長さを持っていないと似合いません。that is とか namely のほうがいいでしょう。  (★代案)The advantage is that their impressions stick to your memory--that is, you remember them well.

共感・感謝の気持ちを伝えよう!

質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございました。

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その他の回答 (1)

  • 回答No.1

While I took part in a variety of activities and assemblies, I came to think that those who can impress others have an advantage. Their advantage is the length of others' memories. In short, they can be remembered.

共感・感謝の気持ちを伝えよう!

質問者からのお礼

参考になります。ありがとうございました。

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