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英作文の添削願います。

英検準一級の過去問より。 (1)フリーター"freeters"がなぜ増えるのか (2)就職前に海外旅行をすべきか (3)職業選択にもっとも重視することは何か に対するEメール上の返答です。(100字くらいで書きます。) Dear Michelle, Thank you for your mail. I have read the article about "freeters". The reason this trend is occuring is for bad economic condition. They want to work full time. But They can not get a full-time job in this condition. So, They choose to have a part time job. I think people should travel before starting career. Once you start career, you can not go abroad for a long time. Finally,the most important factor when choosing a career is whether you can get much pay. If you become rich , you can live happily. Keisuk 以上です。他の問題では8割以上取れますが、英作は相当やばいと思っています。英作がこのレベルではやっぱ受かりませんかね・・・。

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同じく、あまり英作文が得意というわけではありませんが、 添削してみますね。 Thank you for e-mailing to me. I just read the article about "Freeters". The reason why this trend has been occuring is because of this bad economic condition. Although they want to get full-time jobs, they can not do so in this harsh condition. Therefore, They have no choice to have part-time jobs. I think that people should travel before pouring into workforce. Once you start your work, you can not stay there for a long time. Finally, the most important factor when you choose your career is whether or not you can get paid so much. If you become rich, you can live happily. ですかね。やはり大切な点としては表現の幅を広げるために 多くの英文を読み、更に多くのニュースを英語で理解することだと 思います。そうすることで単語力を磨くのが、最優先かと。 例えば、richという表現はwealthyにも置き換えられます。 live happilyもありですが、happily ever afterという表現も この場合、使っても問題ないと思います。 文章を上手く、キレイに見せるには形容詞と副詞をどれだけ 多く知っているかも重要なポイントです。

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質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございます。形容詞はともかく副詞は苦手です。 なるべく多く表現の仕方を学ぶ必要があると感じています。(二次はもっとたいへんなので・・・。)

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  • 回答No.2
noname#73834
noname#73834

少なくとも一つ、絶対に「間違い」とみなされそうな個所は、the reason ~is の後に、名詞(節)が来ていない部分でしょうね。 きちんと、“the reason is 名詞(あるいはthat節)” になっていないとマズイですよ。 あとは、ちょっと気になるのが、they(複数)と a job(単数)の非対応。 start career の無冠詞もちょっと気になります……一応すべてに your を付けたほうが良いのでは? get much pay という表現も、やや違和感があるので、salary を使ったほうが無難だと思います。 ただし、これらが、間違い扱いされるかどうかは微妙でしょうけど。

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質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございます。 中学生レベルの間違いですね・・・。ご指摘ありがとうございます。 読む、聞くだけではなく「書く」練習もきちんとしないとまずいことを再確認しました。

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