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一橋大学 自由英作文 part.2 <The cloning of humans is wrong.>
cowlonの回答
こんにちは。 文型、説得力は凄くいいと思います。 私は英語が母国語なので、日本語のエッセイを書いたことはないんですが、英語のエッセイは、簡潔かつ正確に言いたいことを述べ、長々と書かないのがポイントです。 主張する点は全て妥当な議論に裏づけされないといけません。上記の文章はその点ではとてもいいエッセイです。 文法ミスが少しありました。 大文字で書いてあるところは、質問者さんの文章につけ加えたものです。 なるべく質問者さんの文章を変えずに直そうとしましたが、2、3段落は書き直してみたので、ご参考にどうぞ。 何か質問がありましたら、教えてくださいね。 頑張ってください。 I insist that the cloning of humans IS wrong and SHOULD be stopped immediately for two reasons. Firstly, scientific techniques can never reach a stage where one can be certain of the results it would produce. In other words, the cloned human may have more than two hands or more than one head. Who will be responsbile if the clone is mentally or physically disabled? Secondly, on ethical grounds I AM opposed to gene therapy. If cloned humans should came into being using scientific techniques, would we see them as equivalent to us, and can we rule out the possibility of us taking advantage of them? Moreover, the cloned human may look down up on him or herself because he/she was made artificially. Also, there is a problem which arises when we allow scientists to clone humans - it may lead to a delcine in the value we place on life. We might take it for granted as life can be substituted artificially. In conclusion, I hope that we will NEVER apply cloning techniques to human beings.
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 part.1 <Capital punishment is effective.>
こんにちは。受験生です 私は来年一橋大学を受験しようと思っています。 そこで皆さんには一橋英語の自由英作文を添削してもらいたいと思います。 ただ、パソコン上でいちいち添削してもらうのも忍びないので、 １）論理・説得力 ２）特筆するほどの文法・構文ミス ３）使える表現, 幅広く使える定型表現など ４）総合点（やはり一橋を基準としたときに、それは合格点をいただけるのかどうか、などです）） をつけていただきたいと思います。もちろんコメントだけでも結構です。 I am in favor of capital punishment greatly for three reasons. First, in Japan a poll shows that a overwhelming majority goes along with capital punishment. Some insist that capital punishment should be abolished because we human never rule out the possibility that people innocent of any crimes would be punished. But I could conclude that in a sense we are ready to accept such a misfortune, for once we are for capital punishment. Another reasons is that only capital punishment is severe enough for murderers. If a member of my family should be killed, I will never calm down until the devil is killed in public. And then when I say that I am happy to kill the murderer, who would find fault with me? Third, capital punishment would serve as the means of the decline of the crime rate. It goes without saying that the system helps to discourage people from committing a serious crime. In conclusion, I hope that the government would keep up capital punishment for good. 読みにくい、稚拙な英文で申し訳ないです。 ぜひ一読した上でご指導お願いします。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文
こんにちは。受験生です 私は来年一橋大学を受験しようと思っています。 そこで皆さんには一橋英語の自由英作文を添削してもらいたいと思います。 ただ、パソコン上でいちいち添削してもらうのも忍びないので、 １）論理・説得力 ２）特筆するほどの文法・構文ミス ３）使える表現, 幅広く使える定型表現など ４）総合点（やはり一橋を基準としたときに、それは合格点をいただけるのかどうか、などです）） をつけていただきたいと思います。もちろんコメントだけでも結構です There are two reasons for suggesting that English should be the only foreign language worth studying. First, it goes without saying that English is the most widespread language. For this reasons, more and more people are rushing to make use of English language, so there is a possibility that English will enable us to communicate all over the world. Second, whether it is good or not, it is true that America is the center of the world economics, politics, and so on. We cannot rule out that there is a possibility to lead a life without any foreign influence, but now we always have a foreign effect, especially an American effect, on our modern life. Therefore, if we persist in our mother-tongue, we would be behind the times without fail. Consequently, we cannot help but study English language. 読みにくい、稚拙な英文で申し訳ないです。 ぜひ一読した上でご指導お願いします。
- ベストアンサー
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文
こんにちは。受験生です 私は来年一橋大学を受験しようと思っています。 そこで皆さんには一橋英語の自由英作文を添削してもらいたいと思います。 ただ、パソコン上でいちいち添削してもらうのも忍びないので、 １）論理・説得力 ２）特筆するほどの文法・構文ミス ３）使える表現, 幅広く使える定型表現など ４）総合点（やはり一橋を基準としたときに、それは合格点をいただけるのかどうか、などです）） をつけていただきたいと思います。もちろんコメントだけでも結構です。 There are three reasons for suggesting that the establishment of a cashless society should benefit society. First, it is convenient. In such a society, we would not bother to count bills or take with us a purse full of changes. All we have to do is to pay by a credit card. Therefore we could purchase things smoothly and conveniently. Second, a cashless society is safe. In other words, there is nothing to steal. Elaborating on it, we do not have to take wit us anything embarrassing to steal. Finally, the establishment of a cashless society would possibly lead to economic equality. Unlike the currency of each country, one global currency like a world credit card could be made use of all over the world. If a global currency spreads more and more, we could be able to take a step toward the unification of the world. Consequently, the establishment of a cashless society would benefit humanity. 読みにくい、稚拙な英文で申し訳ないです。 ぜひ一読した上でご指導お願いします。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い ２００６年度 １２０～１５０語 条件・もしあなたが一億円を持っているならば、何をしますか。について述べなさい。 In my case, I have two ways of using such big money. First, I always think that I want to live an ordinarily life, so if I had 100,000,000 yen, I would save it. This is because it is very hard to live in today's world, so I should face at a hard situation which is concerned with money, I think it would make it possible for me to solve that. Second, I have dreamed of becoming a great English translator since I was a junior high school student, so if i had a chance that I can develop my English skills, I would be willing to use it little by little. Thus, I think what is important is how I use such big money. (123語） 宜しくお願いします。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い ２００７年度 （１２０語～１５０語） 条件・ 日本は九月から学校を始業するべきだ。について述べなさい。 I agree the statement that the school in Japan should start in September. I have two reasons why I think so. First, these days, the world is getting smaller and smaller and I think that it is important for us to look around the world. For example, America has introduced this system for a long time. Considering an increace of people who are American and want to study in Japan, we have to introduce this system quickly. Second, it gose without saying that September is in a fall in Japan and the temperature is a little colder than a spring, so we can concentrate on studying. Thus, I agree that the school year in Japan should start in September and I think what is important is how we make use of this system. (133語） 文法面を中心に添削をお願いいたします。宜しくお願いします。
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- 一橋英語 自由英作
こんにちは。受験生です 私は来年一橋大学を受験しようと思っています。 そこで皆さんには一橋英語の自由英作文を添削してもらいたいと思います。 ただ、パソコン上でいちいち添削してもらうのも忍びないので、 １）論理・説得力 ２）特筆するほどの文法・構文ミス ３）使える表現, 幅広く使える定型表現など ４）総合点（やはり一橋を基準としたときに、それは合格点をいただけるのかどうか、などです）） をつけていただきたいと思います。もちろんコメントだけでも結構です。 There are three reasons for insisting that the Japanese should have more rest. First, we must promote the birthrate. Anyway the trouble we have had now is the decline of the birthrate. I think that it is responsible partly for the long work time of the Japanese, for the more we work the less time we spend in family time. Therefore we have to be set free from public time. Second, generally speaking, the Japanese are too devoted themselves to their work, relatively to other developed countries. I know the case where some died of overwork, so the government should undertake regulations to lower working hours. Finally, I think of this suggestion as a worksharing. In other words, the employed are set free, while the unemployed makes up for its lack. Probably, it can be the best way to get rid of earnings differentials. 読みにくい、稚拙な英文で申し訳ないです。 ぜひ一読した上でご指南お願いします。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 ２０１０年度 条件・ あなたが社会に貢献できる環境保護について１２０～１５０字以内で自由に述べなさい。 These days, more and more we are discussing problems of environment. The problems such as "acid rain" and "global warming" are appearing, but these problems are so big that we can't take an action in order to solve these problems quickly. I think that what is important is to start doing to do something easy for you. For example, trying to eat up your dishes as possible as you can and stopping using a lot of electricity are good measures. Starting to take an action around you would make it possible to solve these problems. I make it a rule to turn off the TV if none of my family watch the TV. I want to keep doing that. Please take measures from now on. (120字） 内容がかぶってしまっているように思いますが・・・。文法面を中心に採点して下さると幸いです。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い （１２０字～１５０字） 条件・ 日本は民主主義国家ではない。 I do not agree with this statement. I think the meaning of this word "democracy" is that a people can live actively in a country. There are many reasons why I think so, but I would like to write here two reasons about it. First, the education system in Japan is so a firm that children and student can study various subjects which will be very convenient in a society. I think that this would make it possible for them to live actively in Japan. Second, people have various rights for living in Japan. Thanks to these rights, people can live in Japan safely, and actively. Thus, I do not agree that Japan is not a democratic country and what is important is how you take an action actively. (127字） 今回は難しかったです。いつも制限時間として２０分を設けてやっているのですが、今回はそれを超えてしまいました。また、文章もまとまりがないかなとも思います。文法面を中心に評価をお願いいたします。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い ２００９年度 （１２０～１５０字） 条件・ ユーモアのセンスは、人生の中で重要なことである。について述べなさい。 I agree to this idea. These days, there are many sad accidents such as bullying, suicide,and so on. I think that the one of reasons why these problems happen is a lack of sense of humor. I have an experience supporting my idea. When I was a junior high school student, I had a friend. He was a funny boy and always made me laugh. One day, we had a quarrel and our friendly relationship broke. We couldn't talk each other for a few days. I wanted to say to him "I'm sorry", but I couldn't. After a while, he suddenly came to me and said a funny word to me "How are you". We laught at that word each other and then we could recover our relationship. Thus, I think that a sense of humor make us happy and it will be a good thing for sad accidents. (142字） 今回は少し難しかったです。ユーモアのことについては考えたことがなかったので・・・。なので文法面はそうですが、今回は文章の組み立て方を中心に添削していただけると助かります。宜しくお願い致します。
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- 一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い
一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い ２００８年度 １２０～１５０字 条件・ 日本において出生率の低下は大した問題ではない。について述べなさい。 I don't agree with this statement. I have two reasons why I think so. First, these days, more and more people are getting older. If the birth rate should be getting lower and lower, the number of young people who can work actively would decrease. I think that this will influence the economy of Japan badly. Secondly, needless to say,if the birth rate is getting lower and lower, the population of Japan would also decrease. This means that the amount of pension which people pay will decrease. ｓo, I think that the finance of Japan would be in danger in the future. In order to solve these problems, goverment should take some mesures quickly.Thus, I don't agree that the low birth rate is not really a problem for Japan. (130字）
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お礼
回答ありがとうございます。 英語が母国語という回答者様からそれなりのokサインがでたということは、単純にうれしい限りです。 ただ私もやはりまだまだ。 何回も見直して、文法ミスなどの初歩的ミスは無いことを確認していたはずなのに、回答者様からの指摘を見て、私の未熟さを痛感しています。 まだまだ本当に言いたいことを英文で表すコトには限りがある中で、私が目指せるコトは、文法ミスの根絶です。 次回には、回答者様の手間にならないような、文法ミスゼロを目指したいと思います。 そのためにも、指摘していただいたミスの復習と、提示していただいた英文をしっかり復習して、次に生かしていきたいと思います。 私のお礼としては、お礼の返事文を書くなり、なんなりに限られてしまうことが非常に申し訳ないです。 これからも、それなりのペースでこのように私の書きあげた英文をアップしていくつもりです。 もし時間にゆとりがあって、私の英文が目に留まった折には、ぜひまたご指導願いたいものです。 回答ありがとうございました。