英作文の添削をお願いします。

質問

問い:Do you like living where you live now,or would you rather live somewhere else in Japan or in the world? Why?
Answer these questions as completely as you can. Use detail. Make us see and hear and smell and touch the place you are in
,or the place you imagine. Write in English on your answer sheet.

I like living where I live now. I live in Gifu.there are two good reason why I like living in Gifu.
First of all, there is good environment for living. Urban like Tokyo ,it is convenient for us to live in. However, there are some environmental problems such as air pollution and water pollution and etc. In contrast, Gihu is clean air and water. Moreover, there is few environmental problems. It is confortable for us to live there.
Second, Gihu is a easygoing place. Urban are busy place. I like easygoing place better than busy place because I would like to act my own pace. I feel that people who live in urban are always busy and hurry. I do not want to disturb my own pace.
That is all reason I want to live in Gifu

回答No.6

cabinessence

全体的に良く書けていると思いますが、No.5さんに補足する形で若干コメントします。

＞I like living where I live now. I live in Gifu.

質問(Do you...?)には、最低限Yes, No で答えましょう。
-> Yes, I like the place, Gifu, where I live now.

>First of all, there is good environment for living.

個人的に"there is environment"という表現は変な感じがしますので、
-> The environment in Gifu is good for living.

>Urban like Tokyo ,it is convenient for us to live in.
文の構造が変です。Urban like Tokyoの役割は何でしょうか。
テストだと減点対象になるのでは？

>However, there are some environmental problems such as air pollution and water pollution and etc.

-> Though it is convenient for us to live in urban cities like Tokyo,
they(=cities) have some environmental problems such as air and water pollution
and so on.

> In contrast, Gihu is clean air and water.
岐阜は空気なの？ 固有名詞を変えたのは意図的ですか？(Gifu, Gihu) 統一しましょう。

-> Gifu has clean air and water.

ちょっと、there is構文が多いのではないでしょうか。文章が単調になってしまいます。
もし、文学的な雰囲気を出すためにあえて使っているならば、まったく問題ありませんが。

> Second, Gihu is a easygoing place. Urban are busy place.
easygoingは性格等がのんびりした、という意味ですし、時に否定的な意味合いも含まれますので別の表現を考えましょう。また、urbanは形容詞ですので、この文章は倒置形と
解釈されてしまいます。

-> people in Gifu live at slow pace. But urban cities are busy places.
または
Time flies like an arrow. をもじってTime flies like a snail in Gifu.

文章の最後に
Would like to live in Gifu?
などを付け加えるのもいいかも。

また、質問に”Make us see and hear and smell and touch the place you are in”と
ありますので、状況が浮かぶような文を所々にいれたほうがよいと思います。

回答No.5

noname#57682

[ ]は削り、( )は変更の箇所です。参考にしてください。
I like living where I live now. I live in Gifu (city/prefecture). [there] (There) are two good reason(s) why I like living in Gifu.
First of all, [there is] (we have a) good (living) environment.[for living.] [Urban like Tokyo , it] (It) is convenient [for us] to live in (an urban city like Tokyo). However, [there are](urban cities have) some environmental problems, such as air (and water) pollution [and water pollution and etc]. In contrast, Gihu [is] (has) clean air and water. Moreover, [there is](it has) few environmental problems. It is confortable for [us](me) to live [there] (here in Gifu).
Second, Gihu is [a](an) easygoing place. Urban (cities) are busy place(s). I like (an) easygoing place better than (a) busy place because I would like to [act my own pace](live at my own pace). I feel that people who live in (an) urban (city) are always busy and (in a) hurry. I do not want to [disturb] (change) my [own] pace (of living).
[That is all reason] (Those are the reasons why) I want to live in Gifu

回答No.4

NooGarde

because I would like to act at my own pace.

回答No.3

seegrammar

(訂正）
That are all reasons I want to live in Gifu
--> These are...

回答No.2

NooGarde

Moreover, there are few environmental problems.

回答No.1

seegrammar

I like living where I live now. I live in Gifu. there are two good reasons why I like living here/there.
First of all, there is good environment for living. Although an urban citiy, like Tokyo, is convenient for us to live in, there are some environmental problems such as air and water pollution and so on. In contrast, in Gifu, air and waters are very clean. Moreover, there is few environmental problems. That's way it is confortable for us to live there.
Second, Gihu is an easygoing place and urban cities are busy place. I prefer esygoing place because I would like to act my own pace which I can't in urban cities. I feel that people who live in urban cities are always busy and in a hurry. I do not want to disturb my own pace.
That are all reasons I want to live in Gifu

よくできてますが、添削すると上記です。