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質問

Narrative の文書です
間違っていたら、訂正お願いいたします。

On Fridays, I get up at 9:00 am. My mother leaves for work at 8:00 and my brother goes to school early in the morning so I get up by myself. I only have third class on Friday so I don’t have to get up early but I get up two hours before I have to leave. As soon as get up, I go downstairs and get dressed, prepare breakfast myself and eat in front of the TV, checking my email on my smart phone. After breakfast I wash my face, brush my teeth, make up my face and tie up my hair. The third-period class is an English class and we always have a test at the beginning so when I am ready to go to college, I study for the test for an hour and I leave the house at 10:45 am . I walk to the station 15 minutes and get on the train 11:05am.When I arrive at Nagoya station at 12:03 pm, I change train and get on Higashiyama line subway to go to college. It takes 20 minutes to arrive at Hoshigaoka station from Nagoya station. I have to walk about 15 minutes to college after get off the subway.
When I arrive at class, I eat chocolate for between meals. After between meals, I study for the test for about 45 minutes and sometimes I talking with my college friend who takes the same English class until 1:30 pm. I always meet my friend at college’s one floor near the elevator after finish the class at3:00 pm to go to part time job with my college friend by subway. We work at Nagoya station’s underground McDonald near silver clock .
We get off the subway, buy eat between meals at Ministop near our office and talking with her over eating it at office. Change clothes and go our shop. I work as register or making drink or preparing food. After finish job, we change clothes and eat dinner at MacDonald’s because we work at there , we can buy 30 percent discount the day. I talk about school or friends or who we interested in over eating dinner with my friend about 30 minutes. After finish eating dinner We walk to Nagoya station for 15 minutes and say good-bye then. I take train and sleep on the train, my mother picks me up when I arrive at my local station about 11:15 pm.
I wash my hands and take a bath as soon as I arrive at my house. After take a bath I brash my teeth and blow my hair. I up stairs to go to bed and say good night to my mother. Before fall asleep I always check my cell phone whether I get email from my friend or not. After that I prepare clothes for tomorrow’s part time job and set alarm for 8:30am. I see twitter and tweet or just check my friend’s tweet. I fall asleep after check my shift and what time I have to get up.

回答No.2

noname#261884 · ベストアンサー

こんにちは。
直してみましたが、長いので、どこをどう直したのか、なぜ直したかの説明は省かせていただきます。

On Fridays, I get up at 9:00 am. My mother leaves for work at 8:00 and my brother goes to school early in the morning so I have to get up by myself. I only have third class on Friday so I don’t have to get up early but I get up two hours before I leave. As soon as I get up, I go downstairs and get dressed, prepare breakfast by myself and eat in front of the TV, checking emails by my smart phone. After breakfast I wash my face, brush my teeth, make up my face and tie up my hair. The third-period class is an English class and we always have a test at the beginning so when I am ready to go to college, I study for the test for an hour and I leave the house at 10:45 am . I walk to the station for 15 minutes and get on the train at 11:05am.When I arrive at Nagoya station at 12:03 pm, I change trains and get on Higashiyama line subway to go to college. It takes 20 minutes to arrive at Hoshigaoka station from Nagoya station. I have to walk for about 15 minutes to my college after getting off the subway.
When I arrive at the class, I eat chocolate as between-meals. After between-meals, I study for the test for about 45 minutes and sometimes I talk with my college friend who takes the same English class until 1:30 pm. I always meet my friend at college’s first floor near the elevator after finishing the class at 3:00 pm to go to part time job with my college friend by subway. We work at Nagoya station’s underground McDonald near silver clock .
We get off the subway, buy and eat between- meals at Ministop near our office and talk with her over eating it at office. I change clothes and go to our shop. I work as register or make drinks or prepare foods. After finishing job, we change clothes and eat dinner at MacDonald’s because we work at there and we can buy with 30 percent discount a day. I talk about school or friends or who we interested in over eating dinner with my friend about 30 minutes. After finishing eating dinner, we walk to Nagoya station for 15 minutes and say good-bye then. I take train and sleep on the train, my mother picks me up when I arrive at my local station about 11:15 pm.
I wash my hands and take a bath as soon as I arrive at my house. After taking a bath I brash my teeth and blow my hair. I go up stairs to go to bed and say good night to my mother. Before falling asleep, I always check my cell phone whether I get emails from my friend or not. After that, I prepare clothes for tomorrow’s part time job and set alarm for 8:30am. I see twitter and tweet or just check my friend’s tweet. I fall asleep after checking my shift and what time I have to get up.

最小限しか直していません。正直、英語としては、かなり冗長だと思います。英語がもっと堪能な方やネイティブなら、もっと色々直すと思います。ただ、文法上はそんなに直すところはありませんでした。おそらく学校の課題だと思いますが、その程度には堪えうると思います。ご参考になれば。

お礼

ありがとうございます

回答No.1

noname#223095

全体的にはよく書けています。何をおっしゃりたいかも私にはよく分かります。
ただ、文章の数は20個程度ですが、１つ１つの文は接続詞でつながっている場合が多く、つながっている文を独立にカウントすると40個程度の文からなっており、その１つ１つにキーボードに打ち込みながら微修正を加えていくのは相当な作業量です。私が丁寧にやれば、2、3時間はかかるでしょう・・・。ホワイトボードを使いながら口頭説明をするなら、それほどかからないでしょうが。今のところ回答が付いていないのは、そういう理由によるのではないかと思われます。

このサイト上には、私なんぞとは違って非常に親切な方がおられ、ひょっとするとそのうちに添削して下さる方が現れるかもしれませんが。

まったく、あなたがご期待された回答にはなっていませんが、私はそういう感想を抱きましたので申し添えてみました。悪しからず・・・。

お礼

ありがとうございます