英語の添削をお願いします

質問

食べものと健康、社会的地位ということばを用いて自由に論じろという問題です

文法の指摘、10/10で評価願います
I think food is important for health.
But Social status may cause a variety of problems.
One reason is that Social status deprive a lot of poor people of an oppotunity to have food.
Social status varies from country to country.
if you live in a developing country , an oppotunity to have food will decrease .
Another reason is that by social status you lose an oppotunity to have food and cause disease
because if you can't get nutrition
by eating food, you may lack nutrition.
therefore, I think a lot of developed countries should help developing countries to solve social status problems.

回答No.1

Him-hymn · ベストアンサー

★I think food is important for health.
→文はできています。ただし、foodはなければhealthどころか生きていけませんよね。
そういう意味ではこの文はいかがなものでしょう？
私ならジャンクフードなどを食べたらダメという文脈なら
　Your health depends on what you eat.
I think what you eat has a lot to do with your health.
十分に食べる（飢餓等で食べられないということがない）という文脈なら
　There are many people in the world who cannot eat enough to keep themselves healthy.
Famine is a big problem of today. Many people are starving.
というはじめかたをしたいところ。
しかし、文脈が違ってしまうので、この部分は目をつぶって、以下の添削をします。

★But Social status may cause a variety of problems.
→この因果関係には疑問があるが、一応よしとします。
　しかし、foodからいきなりsocial status（なぜsが大文字？）にジャンプするのかとやや疑問。
　もっと単刀直入に言わないと、読み手に理解してもらえません。
The problem is a small population of of rich people eat 80% of food in the world, while a large population of poor people eat 20% of food.
とかですね。social statusは分かりにくい。

★One reason is that Social status deprive a lot of poor people of an oppotunity to have food.
これには異論がありますが、まあ、いいとしましょう。

Social status varies from country to country.
アメリカの中にも飢餓があります。その場合、アメリカはどうなりますか。国レベルで違ってくるのですか。

★if you live in a developing country , an oppotunity to have food will decrease.
decrease　→　be bad, be smallなど　oppotunity → opportunity

★Another reason is that by social status you lose an oppotunity to have food and cause disease because if you can't get nutrition by eating food, you may lack nutrition.

→Another reason is that according to your social status, the amount of food you eat may differ, and if your social status is low, chances for you to have enough food are small and to get diseases are big as you cannot get enough nutrition.

★Therefore, I think a lot of developed countries should help developing countries to solve social status problems.
→Therefore, I think people in developed countries should help people in developing countries by giving food to them.

★英語の問題というより、内容、文章の展開に問題を感じました。６／１０ですね。