英語のスピーチ原稿の添削お願いします！！

質問

添削お願いします！中学生です。自分なりに書いてみたのですが、文法とかぐちゃぐちゃで。お願いします。テーマはunforgettable memory です。

When I was a sixth gread an elementary school ,I decided to take an entrance examination for junior high school.
But I didn’t tell a my friends this.　And I didn7t tell “ going to junior high school different classmate. I was telling the lie for classmate one year.
　I decided to take an entrance examination for junior high school , and I began to study .
Study time increase and play with friends decrease.
that time I think “it is shameful if I fail an examination” so. I didn’t tell this my classmate. The examination was taken I can’t told. And it passed the examination.
the winter vacation of the year passed　my friend began to prepare of the junior high school.
“Did you buy a uniform?” "You and I go to the same junior high school? "”junior high school life pleasure”
The answer was always "YES”I con not go to the same school.
I can not wear same uniform.
”where did you buy uniform” my friend asked to me.
But I can’t answer that. And I said “I cannot remember . I forgot it.” It was impossible to tell the truth unawares.
Even now, I remember these days was very hard.
　The day of a graduation ceremony I told to my friends going to different junior high school.
and my friend said to me“I am lonely. I can not go same school. But good luck.”
If I stand on the same position as her, I will be said many severe things. because I am not told truth a year.
It cannot said it is the right thing I did　.but I found friend who push my back.

回答No.1

lis385t · ベストアンサー

When I was a sixth grade student, I decided to take an entrance exam for a junior high school. But I did not tell anyone about my decision that I would like to go to a different school from the one most my friends go to.

When I made the decision, I began to study. As the time for study increased, my time with friends decreased. I thought “it is shameful if I fail the exam” and then I kept my efforts in secret. I passed the exam but could not tell the story to my friends.

After the winder-break of the year was over, my friends began to prepare for a junior high school. My friend said “Did you buy a school uniform?”, “We go to the same school, right?”, “The new school life must be fun!” My answer was always “Yes!” although I will not go to the same school and will not wear the same school uniform. The friends also asked me where I bought the uniform. I was not able to tell them the truth but just said “I don’t remember….” That was a very-very tough time for me.

On the day of the graduation ceremony, I told my friends that I would go to a different school. The friends were surprised but said that “we feel sad because we cannot go to the same school with you, but good luck!” I might have reacted in a different way with a bad mouth if I would be put in the same situation that my friends tricked me for a year. I knew I did not do a right thing but found that my friends pushed me up to the next step.

少し悲しくも懐かしい思い出ですね。
意訳したところもありますが、質問者さんの原文・趣旨から大きく逸脱してないと思いますので、参考にしてみてください。　日本語文でもそうだと思いますが、主語が人から物にクルクル変わったり、過去と現在が混在したり、単数・複数が混在すると大変読みにくい文章になります。 例えば原文にある「The examination was taken I can’t told. And it passed the examination. 」は自分でももう一度読み直してみると、誰が、何が、誰を、何をがはっきりしない文章になっているのがわかると思います。　それ以外は全体的に良く書けています。ますます英語力を磨いて、これからの日本を盛り立てていってください。　
Good Luck!