添削よろしくお願いします

質問

自分で英作してみたおですが、まわりに添削してくれる人がいないので、添削をしてもらいたくて投稿しました。以下がそれです。

　　　　　Candies and chewing gums are loved by a lot of people of the world. There are some differences between them and we often receive influence from the some differences. First, a candy melts on our tongue as time go. It is disappeared from in our mouth after a few minutes. On the other hand, chewing gums don't melt even if we continue to chew. When we finish chewing it, we must throw away. Another differences is that ingredient is different. Candies are made from suger. The taste is so sweet. In the meantime, gum is not food but it is ingredient of chewing gums. We should not swallow it. Finally, we can find a new distinction of them. It is how to eat. When we eat candy, we roll it over on our tongue. We can enjoy the taste during we lick it. In contrast, when we eat a stick of chewing gum, we chew it and we can enjoy the rubbery texture for a long time. When we eat candies or chewing gums, these differences affect the personal choice.

文法的な誤りや、内容が理解しにくく、こういう形にかえれば良いなどがあれば教えてもらいたいです。よろしくお願いします。

回答No.1

UKMinoh

Candies and chewing gums are loved by a lot of people of the world.
-Candy and chewing gum are loved by a lot of people the world over.
(私にとって、'Candies'の代わりに'Sweets'と言いたいですが、両方は正しいです。）

There are some differences between them and we often choose which to eat according to those differences.
（本当に意味が分かりにくてしまいましたが、推測の意味どおり直しました）

First, a candy melts on our tongue as time go.
-Firstly, candy melts on your tongue over time.
(英語で'a candy'と言えない、'a piece of candy'とも'candy'だけといえます。'our'はここに間違いないが'your'といえばもっと自然らしいですが。）

It is disappeared from in our mouth after a few minutes.
-It disappears from your mouth after a few minutes.

On the other hand, chewing gums don't melt even if we continue to chew.
-On the other hand, chewing gum doesn't melt even if you continue to chew it.
（大変ながら、「gum」は複数回だってもいつも「gum」だけです。迷惑な不規則な言葉ですね）

When we finish chewing it, we must throw away.
-When we finish chewing it, we have to throw it away.
（mustとも基本的な意味を表すが、'have to'とはもっとマイナス面の意味を抱きます。）

Another differences is that ingredient is different.
-Another difference is the ingredients.

〇　Candies are made from suger. The taste is so sweet.

In the meantime, gum is not food but it is ingredient of chewing gums.
-Gum, however, is not food, but it is an ingredient of chewing gum.

We should not swallow it.
-We mustn't swallow it.
（'We should not swallow it'とは完璧ですが、私はこれを書いたら「must not」と書くと思います）

Finally, we can find a new distinction of them.
-Finally, there is one more distinction between them.

It is how to eat.
-That is, how we eat them.

When we eat candy, we roll it over on our tongue.
-When we eat candy, we roll it over our tongue.

We can enjoy the taste during we lick it.
-We can enjoy the taste while we lick it.

In contrast, when we eat a stick of chewing gum, we chew it and we can enjoy the rubbery texture for a long time.

When we eat candies or chewing gums, these differences affect the personal choice.
-When we eat candy or chewing gum, these differences affect our choice (of which to eat).
括弧に入った部分は推測の意味を書きましたがもとの文章は少々なおかしいです。どんな「personal choice」がわかりませんのですから、その部分が添付しました。

よくできました！　私は日本語でそれほど自然に書けません。