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英作文の添削お願いします

問題  Write your answer in English giving at least two reasons why you agree or disagree with it. Space exploration is a waste of money. 答え    I think space exploration is a waste of money. You may say that there are potential benefits which you will obtain in exploring it. However, it is only about 50years since human beings got tp the surface of the moon, so it is seemed to me that it will take great time, therefore, it will cost too much money until we surely make a great success exploring it. Also,we have many problems which we should pay money for, such as solving environmental problem, the poverty in developing countries. These problems must be solved as early as possible. In my conclusion, we pay money for something else rather than the unreliable projects.

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人様の英文を添削する程良く英語を知りません。しかし、なかなか回答が付かないので投稿します。単なるオジサンの好みもあると思って下さい。 I think space exploration is a waste of money. You may say that there are potential benefits which you will obtain 【1. in exploring it→from exploring space】. However, it is only about 50 years since human beings 【2. got to the surface of the moon→got to the moon】, so it 【3. is seemed to→seems】 me that it will take 【4. great time→a long time】, 【5. therefore→削除】, 【6. it will cost→and [it] will cost】 too much money【7. until→before】 we surely make a great success exploring it. Also, we have many problems which we should pay money for, such as solving environmental 【8. problem→problems】, 【9. the→削除】poverty in developing countries. These problems must be solved as early as possible. 【9. In my conclusion→in conclusion】, we 【10. should】pay money for something else rather than the unreliable projects. 1. obtain from / obtain A from B http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=obtain+from from と言う前置詞が使えそうです。 2. it=space のことだと思いますが、作文のこの個所までに space が単独で登場していないので、space を繰り返す方がよいのでは? 3. 「(私には)~に思われる」は、it seems to me that ... 4. これは好みの問題です。have a great time で「楽しく過ごす」等の意味もあるので「長くかかる」を take a long time としました。オンライン検索すると take great time も出てきます。 5. 文脈から削除しました。 6. therefore を削除したことに伴う変更です。 7. until/till は「~までずっと」と継続する感じがするので、before にしてみました。 8. an environmental problem とするか、複数にする方がよいのでは? 9. 検索すると the はなくても良い様な? 10. in conclusion http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+conclusion my 入らないと思います。それに、この程度の短い英文では重すぎるかも? 11. should があった方がよいのでは。 質問者さんの英文をたたき台に、少し変えた英文にしてみました。 In my opinion, space exploration is a waste of money. It is true that there are potential benefits which we will be able to obtain from exploring space, but it is only about 50 years since human beings stood on the surface of the moon. It seems to me that it will not only take a long time but also cost a lot of money before we get a good return from space exploration. In addition, we have many urgent problems we need to deal with, for example, environmental problems, poverty in developing countries and so on. These problems must be solved as early as possible. Therefore, I think we should spend more money on something more urgent rather than unreliable projects for the future. <和訳> 私の考えでは、宇宙探査はお金の浪費です。 我々が宇宙を探査することから得ることができる潜在的利益があるというのは、本当です、しかし、人間が月の表面に立ってから、わずか約50年です。 我々が宇宙探査からかなりの収益を得る前に、長い時間かかるだけでなく、多くのお金もかかるように、私には思われます。 そのうえ、対処する必要がある多くの緊急の問題、たとえば、環境問題、発展途上国の貧困、が、我々にはあります。 これらの問題は、できるだけ早く解決されなければなりません。 したがって、我々が将来のための頼みにならないプロジェクトよりもむしろより緊急の何かにより多くのお金を使わなければならないと、私は思います。 だいたい上記の様な内容を書いたつもりですが、出来るだけ中立を保つように、この和訳は、 YAHOO!翻訳 http://honyaku.yahoo.co.jp/ に英文を入力した結果を少し修正したものです。 <語句> in my opinion http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+my+opinion この言葉を使うと I think を繰り返さない事。 It is true ... but http://ejje.weblio.jp/content/It+is+true+,+but get a return http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=get+a+return in addition http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+addition

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質問者からのお礼

こんなに丁寧に教えていただいて感激です!文法上のミスの訂正のみならず、より良い言い回しまで書いてくださってありがとうございます。今英作文の練習中なんです。とってもためになりました!

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