• 締切済み

次の英語が論文として正しいか添削してください。

Eight players moved to other professional leagues from the IBL after 2007 season. The two of these players who challenged the MLB's minor league spring training couldn't make proper contracts with the MLB teams. However, J・D, who had been released from the MLB’s minor league spring traning, contracted to independent continental league team and spent whole season for that team in 2008 season. Another three players had contracted to the MLB as minor league players. However, one of them was released before the opening of regular season. Five players contracted to other professional baseball teams and had played to end at 2008 season. Three Dominicans played for organized minor league team, Mexican professional team and Japanese professional team each. And three Americans, include J・D, contracted to North American independent league teams. One example of “prospect type” is indicated below. Maximo Nelson is Dominican pitcher. He contracted to New York Yankees in 2000 when he was 18 years old and started his professional carrier at baseball academy in domestic. He had played in rookie class Dominican Summer League from 2001 to 2003 then moved to U.S. At this time, his monthly salary of 700 U.S.$ month in the Dominican Republic has doubled. He compiled a good record of 6-5 with an ERA of 2.63 in 12 games with rookie class Gulf Coast Yankees in 2004 season. He was expected further promotion in next season, however, his baseball carrier was dropped to abyss due to a certain scandal.

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回答No.1

　文頭の「8人の」が数字の８ではなくきちんとスペルアウトされているので期待して一読し始めましたが、第2文目の動詞challenge、the MBL'sやthe MBL teamsの使い方のように、基本的な文法や語法の誤りがめだちはじめます。スタイルでもcouldn'tと省略形が使われています（間違いではないですが）。投稿が3回に分割されていますから全体の分量も相当あります。 　きちんとお答えにはなっていませんが、英語関係の学部の方でしたらもう一度冠詞・時制の使い方を始め、中学・高校で学んだ文法や語法に沿ってご自分で校正をしてみてください。これは皮肉ではなく、英語で文章を書く人の多くが実践していることです。 　また、パラグラフ・ライティングについては学ばれたでしょうか？　英語と日本語とでは論旨の展開のしかたが異なりますので、基礎的なアプローチとしては、3回目の投稿の最後の結論部分を文頭に持ってきて、全体で４パラグラフ位にまとめるというところから構成し直し、結論を後述されるパラグラフできちんとサポートできているかどうかを検証された方がいいと思います。英文で提出が求められているということは、そういうライティングの基礎が踏まえられているかどうかも評価の対象になる筈です。 　どなたかここで丁寧に校正していただける方がいらっしゃったらいいのですが…　もし提出期限が残されていないのであれば、対価を支払ってでも論文ライティング指導を受けるか（既に基本となる英文ができているのでゼロからの英訳よりも安いはずです。メールのやりとりだけでやってくれる人も多いです）、頭の良さそうなネイティブスピーカーをつかまえてアドバイスを受けられてはいかがでしょうか。

  1. カテゴリ
  2. 学問・教育
  3. 語学
  4. 英語

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