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英文の添削をしてください。

There are several ways to keep good shape. To begin with, you need to quit smoking. Needless to say, cigarette has many toxic substances which disturb you keeping good shape. Next, you should eat healthy foods every meal. It will help you to be in good condition because of many vitamins. For example, vitamin C is an important one to keep one’s skin beauty. If your skin is so beautiful, it may bring your mind to be good shape! Furthermore, it is good for you to get enough sleep. Less sleeping is not good for your health, skin, and so on. Finally, I think it is most important to exercise daily. It helps you to alleviate stress, keep your metabolism good and burn your fat. I recommend you to do it because you can do it with joy. That’s all I want to say how the way to keep good shape is. もっとお洒落な言い回しができたらなぁ、と思い質問させていただきました。文法もたくさん間違えてしまっていると思います。。。(泣) どなたか添削していただけないでしょうか。 お願いします。

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  • 英語
  • 回答数2
  • 閲覧数71
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  • ベストアンサー
  • 回答No.1

さっと読んで気づいたこと。 「いくつか方法がある」なら、それらを具体的に順序付けて述べてしまえばよい。例えばFirst, ... Second, ... のように。これもやや型にはまりすぎに思えたら、The second one is ...などのように、少しずつ変えてもいいとおもう。もちろん、Nextなどを効果的に用いるのもいいだろう。To begin withはどうなのかな?と感じる。これは理由を述べる言い回しであろう。 次に、keep good shapeを多用しすぎという印象を受ける。英語では、仮に同じもの・ことを指し示す場合でも、なるべく違う語や概念で表すべき。 また、ご質問の文章は、やや堅く、ご自分の意見を述べる形式で書かれているようだが、その場合はできるだけI thinkは避けるようにしたほうがいいだろう。 そして、最後のこの文は、非常に日本語的だと思う。 That’s all I want to say how the way to keep good shape is. 以上を踏まえ、添削いたします。分かりやすいように、変更箇所は全て大文字にて示します。 There are several ways to keep good shape. FIRST, you need to quit smoking. IT IS NO DOUBT THAT cigaretteS haVE many toxic substances which WILL CAUSE YOU TO LOSE YOUR SHAPE. THE SECOND WAY IS TO eat[HAVE] healthy FOOD FOR every meal. It will help you in good condition because of many vitamins [WHICH] IT CONTAINS. For example, vitamin C is an important one to keep YOUR skin beautIFUL. If YOU GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL SKIN, it may TURN your mind BEAUTIFUL AS WELL! MOREOVER, it is NECESSARY for you to SLEEP MUCH ENOUGH. IF YOU DON'T, THEN IT MEANS THAT YOU WILL BE BAD IN health, skin, and so on. FOURTH AND finally, DAILY EXERCISE IS NEEDED. It helps you [to] alleviate YOUR stress[ES], keep your metabolism good and burn your fat. YOU CAN EXERCISE EVERY DAY FULL OF JOY. THAT'S WHY I RECOMMEND YOU TO TRY IT. YOUR EFFORT WILL SURELY MAKE YOURSELF IN GOOD SHAPE!

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質問者からのお礼

細かく行き届いたご指導、ありがとうございました。文章を書くことにはいつまでたっても慣れてこないです。。同じ言葉を何度も使ってしまうのは、自分の能力不足だと痛感いたしました。。ありがとうございました☆

その他の回答 (1)

  • 回答No.2

長いので私も気がつくとこだけ。 GoodShapeって日本語でどういう状態のことを言おうとしてますか?Healthy(Good)Lookingの事ならいいと思いますけど、文面からちょっとちがうような。。。 あと、KeepYourselfInGoodShapeになります。KeepGoodShapeはへんです。

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質問者からのお礼

good looking のことを言おうとしています。が、文脈から行っておかしいですか???では、keep ypurself in good shape 変えさせていただきます。ありがとうございました☆

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