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英語の添削お願いします

こんにちは。 来週のspeakingの授業でスピーチをすることになりました。 お題は「大切な友達について」です。 内容は書き終えたのですが、自分の文章が100%合ってるか自信がありません(むしろ、間違いの方が多いと思います。) 自分でも、一応見なおしたのですが、客観的な見地からの意見が欲しいです。 どうか添削お願いします。 I’ll introduce my friend,(name) We have known each other since elementary school days. When we were junior high school students, we joined same tennis club. That's why I know him a lot. He has two characteristics, Kindness and glutton. (Glutton means a person who eat food very much.) First, I’ll explain how kind he is. When I was a fifth grader, I played tag with my friends. (In order) to run away from it, I hid myself under the bridge. Then I made mistake and fell from three meters above, and I put my hands on the ground and had my wrists broken. Due to the accident, I thought that I spent terrible days for a month in elementary school. I couldn’t really take notes, go to the toilet, put on P,E uniform and so on. However, (my friend's name) always supported me. Without him, I couldn’t enjoy my school life for the month. I thanked his kindness and wanted support him, if he was in trouble. Second I’ll explain how gluttonous he is. He really eats very much. Whenever I hang out with him, he goes to McDonald's. Even when we should share cakes, potato chip and other snack, he eats them almost by himself. He is very kind, but I think he should stop the habit of eating so much. I hope that he don’t ruin himself for glutton. 「kind」の内容と「glutton」の内容のバランスの悪さは承知の上です。 二分間という制限なのでこの程度が適当ではないかと思いました。 (  )部分は友人の名前が入るのですが、友人の名前は非公開にさせていただきました。

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質問者が選んだベストアンサー

  • ベストアンサー
  • 回答No.3
  • SPS700
  • ベストアンサー率46% (15082/32271)

    #1です。陳謝です。     僕は「   僕は、「喰いシンボ」という具体的名詞を glutton の形で使うのは文法的に間違いな(意味をなさない)ので y をつけて「食べ過ぎ」という抽象名詞にしただけです。」と言っています。 1。I hope that he don’t ruin himself for glutton.(質問者さんの原文、2カ所文法の間違い) 2。I hope he doesn’t ruin himself for gluttony.(僕が書くつもりだったが書かなかった文) 3。I hope he doesn’t ruin himself for being a glutton.(僕が#1として書いた文) 上の ”僕は「  僕は、 ”で始まる文は2の説明(すなわち僕の頭の中にあってどこにも書かなかった文の説明)です。申し訳ありません。2でも3でもいいとおもいます。     少し間違いも残しておかないと、先生方の仕事が無くなっちゃうので、気楽にスピーチしてください。

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質問者からのお礼

追加解答ありがとうございます。 こちらの理解が届かず、申し訳ありません。 [don't]の部分はやってはいけない文法ミスでしたね(^^; 以後気をつけます。 glutton自体は、forと不釣り合いなのですね 本番では、「2」の文で話したいと思います。 明日は必ず緊張すると思うので、ゆっくり話したいと思います。

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  • 英語やくしてください

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    テーマ:印象に残っている贈り物 Most impressing present in my life is a watch that my father gave me when I passed the exam to enter the high school. My father used the watch before I was born, and he wouldn't put away it even though he was given a new watch by my mother and sister. I think the watch will have been very important for my father. So, I was very surprised when he gave it to me. At first, I hesitated to receive it, but I received it in the end because my father said with smiling that "I use this new watch". The watch was what my mother and sister gave him. My watch and my father's watch is very different because mine is very old and father's is new. However both of them are filled with love of my family. 文法や構成について指摘してください。

  • 英語長文の添削お願いします。

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その他の回答 (2)

  • 回答No.2
  • SPS700
  • ベストアンサー率46% (15082/32271)

    #1です。補足です。 1。 and 以下を削る案。    いいと思います。 2。2のEven when we should share cake, potato chips,~は、簡単に言うと「みんなの用のおかしなのに、ほとんど彼一人で食べてしまいます」ということを 表したかったのですが、こちらの語彙不足で表現方法が見つかりませんでした。 皆用のおかしを、「the cake to be shared」などで、表すとよりわかりやすくなるのでしょうか? Even when cake, potato chips, and other things are for everybody, he tends to hog them とも言えます。 hog は下記の、他動詞の1のように「独り占めする」と言う意味です。 http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=hog 3のI hope he doesn't ruin himself for gluttonは、「食べ過ぎで自身の破滅を招かないことを祈っていますと表したかったのですが、この表現は不適切でしょうか?     僕は、「喰いシンボ」という具体的名詞を glutton の形で使うのは文法的に間違いな(意味をなさない)ので y をつけて「食べ過ぎ」という抽象名詞にしただけです。

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質問者からのお礼

ご回答ありがとうございます。 1に関しては、補足で申し上げたやり方で書こうと思います。 2に関して、お菓子自体を主語に持って来ればよかったのですね! 皆用と表す際に、everybodyなどを使うと、ややこしくなるかと思っていましたが、実際は使っても大丈夫なのですね! 3に関して、あ「for glutton」を、SPS700さんが書いた「for being a glutton」に書き換えればそれで、よろしかったのですね(^^;) 二度に渡り、適切なご回答をありがとうございます。 これで、speechにも望めます。

  • 回答No.1
  • SPS700
  • ベストアンサー率46% (15082/32271)

なかなかいいじゃないですか。     1。I thanked his kindness and wanted to support him, if he was in trouble. 2. Even when we should share cake, potato chips and other snack, he eats them almost by himself. 3. I hope he doesn’t ruin himself for being a glutton.   僕で分かるのはこの3文ぐらいです。

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質問者からの補足

ご回答ありがとうございます、そしてご指摘ありがとうございます。 ご指摘頂いた、文について説明したいと思います。 1の[I thanked his kindness and wanted to support him, ig he was in trouble.]なのですが、「私は彼の優しさに感謝しています。そして、彼が困ったときには、助けていきたいと思います。」と表したかったのですが、ややこしくなるようなので、and以降を消して、最後の文章に書きたいと思います。 2のEven when we should share cake, potato chips,~は、簡単に言うと「みんなの用のおかしなのに、ほとんど彼一人で食べてしまいます」ということを 表したかったのですが、こちらの語彙不足で表現方法が見つかりませんでした。 皆用のおかしを、「the cake to be shared」などで、表すとよりわかりやすくなるのでしょうか? 3のI hope he doesn't ruin himself for gluttonは、「食べ過ぎで自身の破滅を招かないことを祈っていますと表したかったのですが、この表現は不適切でしょうか?

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