英語添削お願いします。（TOEFL-IBT）

質問

文法など至らない点が多く申し訳ありませんが、よろしくお願いします。
問：What do you think is the best parents?
解答：
Children can’t choose their parents. In my case, I’m proud of my parents and I think I’m happy to be their child. What makes parents the best one depends on some reasons.
I’ll explain them one by one.
First, the best parents must have the ability to wait and see. To think of myself, it is natural that children can’t deal with the problem well at first. And in many cases, if they have enough time to try it again and again, they will surely make it. However, if their parents make them stop tackling the problem and help them, children will fail to accomplish their goals and lose their confidence. For example, when I was in my elementary school, my teacher gave me a lot of homework. I tried so hard to do it, but sometimes it was too difficult for me. I begged my mother for some help, but she refused it and said that she believed me that I could do it by myself. I didn’t understand what she said, and I felt she was not the best mother. Anyway, finally I did it and I was so proud of myself and felt I could do everything from now on. However, if my mother helped me at that time, I just finished my homework without getting confidence.
Second, the best parents will give many experience to their children, for example, sports, traveling, and working. This is because what children have learned in their childhood will give them many choices of the future plans. If a father plays baseball with his boy, it can happen that the boy wishes he will be a baseball player. For example, my parents gave me the great experience with dogs and now I became a veterinary student. So, it is very important that the parents make their children experience many things to make their future shine.
To sum up, the best parents should know children don’t belong to them. By thinking this way, they can wait and see how their children are doing, and do the best things in order to make their future soundful.

回答No.1

noname#202629 · ベストアンサー

＞What makes parents the best one depends on some reasons.
I’ll explain them one by one.

What makes parents the best or What makes parents the best ones =　it
It depends on some reasons の意味が解らない。
It depends on the way of dealing children　ならば少しはましかも知れぬ。たぶん

What makes the best parents?
I will explain it one by one.
の自問自答が良いかも。

>To think of myself, it is natural that children can’t deal with the problem well at first.　To think of myselfは省略したほうがよいと思う。logicalでない。

＞it is natural that children can’t deal with the problem well at first. And in many cases, if they have enough time to try it again and again,
たぶん　deal with a problem well at first.　And in many cases, if they have enough time to try to sort out the problem again and again.

try the problemでなく
it=that children can't ~ well at first としても
to try ”that children can't ~ well at first” again and again はおかしい。
前文が "that children can't deal with a problem very well" again and again
で終われば良いかも・・

>By thinking this way, they can wait and see how their children are doing,
By thinking this way、は続く文に合わないような気がする。
Knowing this, they can wait

お礼

自分でも気持ち悪い表現だな、と感じていた部分についての解説で、
大変ためになりました。ありがとうございます。
まだまだlogicalな文章には程遠く、幼稚な文章ではありますが、
またご指導の程どうぞよろしくお願いします。