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添削IIお願いします

次の4コマの内容を英語にしました。文法や英語の表現、文の流れなどおかしな点がありましたらご指摘よろしくお願いします。最初の1文は提示されたものです。 「(1)その若い男は昼は工事現場で働き、夜はバンドの練習をしている。(2)父親が彼に説教をしている。(きちんとした仕事をしろというようなことを言っている)(3)彼は無視をして練習を続けていた。父親はかんかんに怒っている。(4)6ヶ月後、彼はステージに立っている。コンサート上は聴衆でいっぱいである。」 There was a young man who played the guitar in a band. He was working at a construction site during the day, while he was practicing the guitar in his band at night. One day, his father said, “You get a decent job. You quit your band.” However, he didn’t accept his father’s thought. His attitude at last made his father angry, but he ignored it and continued his band. Six months later, his dream came true. He could stand on the big stage in his concert. The concert was full of the audience. The young man was happy that his band became famous. よろしくお願いします。

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noname#76457

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  • 回答No.2

そうでしたか。申し訳ございません。覚えておりませんでした。さて英検の二次試験ですが何級をお受けですか?準一級にしろ、二級にしろ、三コマや四コマのイラストを見て、即興でナレーションを話す問題が出ますが、絵をしっかりと見て、必ず含まれるストーリー性やメッセージをしっかり把握し、ひとこまひとこまの内容を、しっかりと二つか三つくらいの文章で述べることです。その文章は、難しい単語・熟語や構文・語法などを使う必要は無く、シンプルな短文で簡潔に述べれば良いです。これはナレーションに限らず、自分の意見を問われるときも同様です。二級なら、最初に短い英文を黙読し、音読して、さらに内容についての質問が二題出ますが、そのときの質問が、わざと主語の長い疑問文が尋ねられますのでご注意!  シンプルにかつ正確に!が極意です。裏技を一つ。I beg your pardon? は、減点対象です。また考慮時間も20秒がリミットです。  以上、がんばってください。

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質問者からのお礼

早々のご回答ありがとうございます。実は準1級なのです。今回は絶対受かりたいのですが心配です。考える時間をできる限り短くして、即答できる練習をした方がよさそうです。

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  • 回答No.1

文法や語法的には、すべて問題ないと思いますが、いくつか指摘をさせてください。 He was working at a construction site during the day, while he was practicing the guitar in his band at night. →While he worked at a construction site during the day, he practiced the guitar with his band at night. 練習したのが、自宅であれば、for his band でしょうね。while は、文頭のほうが良いかと。また、過去の日常の暮らし向きを述べる場合は、進行形である必要はないと思います。  However, he didn’t accept his father’s thought.  は基本的に問題ありませんが、 →But he didn't listen to his father. という日本語的では有りますが、あちらの方が良く使う表現もあります。 His attitude at last made his father angry, but he ignored it and continued his band. こちらも基本的に全く問題ありませんが、  Though his father became furious at that attitude of his, he kept playing the guitar.といった言い方もできます。  Six months later, his dream came true. は、全く問題ないと思います。  He could stand on the big stage in his concert. The concert was full of the audience. The young man was happy that his band became famous.  →He performed on the big stage in his own gig. The place was packed with people. The young man was really happy, for his band actually became popular. 質問者様の文章も文法的には全く問題ないのですが、やはり、英語を第二外国語とする人が書いた英文然としてるのです。ただ、接続詞 that の使い方はお上手ですね!

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質問者からのお礼

ご回答ありがとうございます。英作文の練習をしているのですが、文体や使う単語も、知識不足でワンパターンになっているのが自分でも分かります。来週英検の2次があるため必死で練習しているのですが、あまり上達しません。私はlukelivestrongさんに以前、ここで英検2時対策のアドバイスを頂きました。面接官をしていると書かれていましたが、何か合格のヒントとなるアドバイスを頂戴できればありがたいです。よろしくお願いします。

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