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至急お願い致します。日本語に沿う英文になっているでしょうか?

Shimo-pyの回答

  • Shimo-py
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回答No.3

補足、読みました。 そのとおりでOKです。 もしも「好きだ」という言葉が続く点が気になるようでしたら、※の一文(After all ~ love you.)を削除し、2つめの●印の文の一部に手を加えればいいでしょう。 念のため、前後を含めて引用しつつ修正すると、 Looking death in the eye, you could not choose an ideal death. ●But I am still now waiting for a bone-marrow donor's offer. It does not matter to me whether my doctor tells me of my coming death. ●I don't want to die, because I still love you. I love you more than anybody else. I tried to forget about you, but I couldn't. (以下略) のようになります。 ◆あとひとつだけ、修正というか、補修というか、させてください。 I promise you not to say, "I'm sorry, Shoko, ... という箇所がありますね。 これ、別にこのままでも問題ないのですが、 より理想的な形に仕上げるには、 I promise you not to say any more, "I'm sorry, Shoko, ... のように、say と , (コンマ)の間に「 any more 」を入れたほうが自然です。日本語で「もうこれからは言わないと約束するね」とか「もうこれ以上「ごめんね」と言わないことにするね」と言うように、「これからは」とか「これ以上は」というニュアンスが出るからです。

noname#8538
質問者

お礼

すみません、最後の最後にお願いです。 Of course it would be an ideal if I could die without leaving any message after me. ※I didn't want to be a burden to you. But it is far from possible for me to accept my death in such a way. Looking death in the eye, you could not choose an ideal death. (But) I am still now waiting for a bone-marrow donor's offer. It does not matter to me whether my doctor tells me of my coming death. ※を削除して、(But)を削除してもよろしいでしょうか。(文面的におかしくならないでしょうか?) 「あなたに負担をかけたくなかった。」という文章と、「生きている限り、あなたに対して重荷となりたい。」という文章両方があることに違和感を感じます。 いかが思われますか? 間に合えば、ということでご回答いただけると幸いです。 よろしくお願い致します。

noname#8538
質問者

補足

以下、直しました。 こうですね? Happy birthday! First of all, I thank God for granting me I can live until your birthday in spite of troubles and difficulties. The book you've given me tells me how important gratitude is. Yes, it is the gratitude which you advised me to show instead of apology. And・・・ I feel something mysterious, for your birthday is the same as my late sister Shoko's. I have learned many things from you: your strong passion, profound emotion, great affection, warm heart and respectful attitude...these are all what you have shown me in my distress over my sister's death and my other experiences. I promise you not to say any more, "I'm sorry, Shoko, mom and dad, who are in deep sorrow even after death and cannot rest in peace". It is because you taught me that I should say to them "Thank you" instead. I have realized from the book "Kami tono taiwa" that God always gives me a hand wherever I go, whatever I do. I will never forget that you, too, have been with me like Him. Of course it would be an ideal if I could die without leaving any message after me. I didn't want to be a burden to you. But it is far from possible for me to accept my death in such a way. Looking death in the eye, you could not choose an ideal death. But I am still now waiting for a bone-marrow donor's offer. It does not matter to me whether my doctor tells me of my coming death. I don't want to die, because I still love you. I love you more than anybody else. I tried to forget about you, but I couldn't. Not a single day passes without my thinking of you. My desire will be fulfilled if you wonder why I leave with you a letter like this. I want to be a burden to you as long as I am alive. I want to act as I wish. I want to rely on you more. Even if you are disgusted with me, I want to behave as I like. It is because I will be nothing if I die. It is the privilege of the living to love. I leave this with you because I want to impress myself on you as a clumsy, inept person. This letter is designed as such. (smile) I am happy that you read through my message. Thank you again, ○○さん. Best wishes, and with my sincere gratitude, A子. 幾度となくご回答いただき、本当にありがとうございました。 私も何とか彼の誕生日まで生きていられそうです。 明日、自分が生きていて送信し終えたら、お礼を書き込み締め切らせていただきます。 本当に本当にありがとうございました。 P.S.「○○さん」のところ、男性の場合、「Mr.苗字」で良かったでしょうか? またA子のところは私の下の名前だけでも良かったでしょうか?

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