英文チェックお願い出来ませんでしょうか？？

質問

It became really convenient. Me, too often buy books by Amazon.
However when I visited Honduras in South America as a technical guidance volunteer, Internet used just limited some privileged classes’ rich people, and general public do not receives its benefit, yet.
As in rural farm village, information from the Internet does not reach. I felt live in like the “Middle Ages”, but strangely I did not suffer inconvenience from this even though there is no Internet information in rural farm village in Honduras. Moreover, the Japan Oversee Cooperate Volunteers always bring a personal computer with them, but they have trouble with their computer without exception.

Thanks to computer and Internet, we can do anything about our life conveniently.
In addition, thanks to Youtube and SNS (Facebook, Twitter) government and mass media became difficult to hide the inconvenient matters for themselves. The prominent example is democratic revolution such called “the jasmine revolution”

But the confusion has been occurring about “can do everything in Internet”.

The hacker who breaks security on the Internet may say so. Could it say right to use splendid technique like WikiLeaks?

No, it is wrong. I think the standing person who has a special talent must response for using this. And I think the technique such as hacking must manage only the person who can treat right way. Such a person must have an ambition and a pride.

The Japanese exploration satellite “Hayabusa” succeeded the first time in the world “sample return” from the asteroid “Itokawa”. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayabusa

Nevertheless, JAXA (research organization like NASA) is not well-endowed institute and its “Hayabusa” team stands up against the mission to take the sample from asteroid (distant 6,000,000,000km from the earth) and overcome many difficulties for 7 years. I think this is an ambition and a pride.

When I belonged to my last company, some outsourcing company said “we can’t do this offer, it’s too severe” and pull out suddenly. I was obliged to finish the work myself and desperately set up all night consecutively in 2 evening, because I must keep the tight deadline on my pledge of honor.

My mission is to build a 100% accurate diagnose system for the students who took an examination. I am self-confident that I constructed a correct and first processing system in those days in Japan.
When I told about this system to chief manager of major data processing company of New Zealand, I could receive his feedback: “it is a splendid system”.

If you engage me, I would provide all my techniques that I have and could give profit for your company.
I accumulate know-how for 15 years on methods of software & IT as an engineer. If you meet me, I convinced you can understand that I obtain remarkable result.
If you engage me, you may understand how I am useful within 3 months. If you judge I am useless, you can discharge me. You do not have the risk at all.

回答No.1

superkamecha

所々、表現がおかしいなと思われる部分があるのですが、その前に、、、
まず、日本語で全体の文章構成を整えたほうが良いです。

最初の「インターネットの利便性についての話」から「ＪＡＸＡの”はやぶさ”についての話」。ここまでは一般論的な文章ですが、その後で、急に「ご自身の売り込み」になっているのは、読んでいて”訳がわからない”印象を受けます。しかも、この最後の部分、転職（再就職？）のエントリーシートにしては、外国企業相手といえども、いささか”高飛車”な感じがぬぐえません。

まずは、日本語の文章を校正して、それを提示なさっては如何ですか？