英作文の添削をお願いします
自由英作文の添削をお願いします。
テーマ：Many medical students become frustrated that the basic memory skills that allowed them to pass the entrance exam have not prepare them for the increased pace of university study. Indeed, doctors need to be highly motivated, self-directed learners to keep up with the ever-increasing changes in medical knowledge. Describe how you could be a good medical student and what your priorities will be. Detail three of your good points and three bad points clearly.
条件：３パラグラフ構成以上、１５０字以上、序論・本論・結論が明確であること。
It is often said that many medical students become frustrated because they have to memorize various kinds of things about human body to keep up with university study.
In case with me, one of my bad points is that when cannot understand the things, I am unable to go next step until I understand them. In addition to this bad point, I also think almost all things so deep. For example, I always worry about that whether my opinions or actions hurt my friends or not. Moreover, my third bad point is that I often care about people around me too much. My sister usually told me not to take care of her so often.
However, I think these bad points are also my good points. When I cannot understand something, I ask my friends or teachers how to solve the problem. This action makes our relationships better. Next, my worrying about everything and tending to take care of people around me mean I have abilities to imagine other people’s feelings and to try to help people who are in trouble. This will motivate me to become a good doctor.
Although I have bad points, everyone also has them. The important thing is not that you do not have bad points, but that you have the ability to change your bad points to good points. This is needed to become a good medical student.（２３８words）
自分の良い点悪い点について具体例を３つずつ、ということなのですが、
どういうふうに羅列したらよいか悩みました。
いい点と悪い点を一対一対応にして書くべきなのかとも考えましたが、
３つの悪い点→全部良い点へと変換しました。
先日期待と不安の添削をしていただいたときに不安→期待の方がよいというアドバイスを頂いたことを参考にしてみました。
序論も結論も弱い気がしますがボキャブラリーや結び付け方がへただなぁと・・・
本番まであと１週間なのでかなり焦っています(´；ω；｀)
よろしくお願いします
