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英作文の添削をお願いします。

問い:What do you think of using mobile phones in the train? Do you agree or disagree? Put your opinion in English with 50-60words. I disagree with the opinion. it is because using mobile phones in the train may make other people feeling bad. For example, if a man calls someone in mobile phones, other people cannot help hearing the conversation even if they would not like to hear. Thus, I think we should not use sell phones in the train.(57words) 私はその意見に反対です。なぜなら電車内で携帯電話を使うことによって、他の人の気分を害してしまうかもしれないからです。例えば、もしある一人の人が誰かと電話で話していたら、他の人はたとえその話を聞きたくなかったとしても、聞かざるをえません。 よって私は車内で携帯電話を使うべきでないと思います。

  • 英語
  • 回答数3
  • ありがとう数1

みんなの回答

  • NooGarde
  • ベストアンサー率28% (75/260)
回答No.3

もしある一人の人が誰かと電話で話していたら 電話するというより、ここでもuses mobile phoneのことと考え、重複を避けるなら talks on the mobile phone with someoneなどの形がよろしいと思います。

回答No.2

I disagree with using mobile phones in the train, because this may make other people feel annoyed. For example, When a man calls someone on mobile phone, other people cannot help hearing his speaking even if they would not like to hear it. Thus, I think we should not use sell phones in the train.

  • Charis
  • ベストアンサー率61% (11/18)
回答No.1

すべてはとてもじゃないと直せませんが・・・ まず最初。I disagree with the opinionと書いてありますが、問いはwhat do you think of using mobile phones in the trainとなっているので、この一文自体はただの問いかけであってOpinionでも何もないですよね? なのでこの場合 I disagree with using mobile phones in the train.と書かなければおかしいです。 あと、It is because...となっていますが、直前の文をうける場合はThis is because...のほうが自然。Itは極力使うのは避けましょう(何を指しているか不明瞭になるため)。また、...may make other passengers feel bad(uncomfortable?)でfeelingは間違い。 また、最後のI think...ですが、日本人はthinkを多用しすぎています。Thusで始まっているのですから、締めの文章だ!って読み手は思うのに、thinkという弱い言葉じゃちょっと面食らいます。I believe that, I am convinced that, I would strongly argue that...というような強い言葉に代えましょう。 他にもおかしいところはありますが(電話で話すっていうの、辞書でひいてみてください。あと、これイギリス英語なので携帯電話=mobile phoneで統一しましょう)、とりあえずこのぐらいで。

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