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至急です！英検2級の作文添削お願いします！
英検2級の英作文添削お願いします！！(；；) TOPIC It is sometimes said that all people should be able to enter museums for free. Do you agree with this opinion? I disagree that all people should be able to enter museums for free. Firstly, museum's employee can run museum efficientry. In many cases, if they do allow entering museum for free, the cost is likely to get worse and worse. However, by collecting money from visitor, the will get enough money. Secondly, visitor can't see exhibit enough. This is because, if they do not collect money, many people visit museum. As a result,museum is flooded with visitor. In conclusion, I strongly agree with this opinion.
- えむ（@maryu0805）
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以下のとおり、説明と添削文をお答えします。全体にとてもよく書けていると思いますが、「⇒」の後のように変えると、さらに改善できるかも知れません。 ＞I disagree that all people should be able to enter museums for free. ＊素晴らしいので、このままでOKですが、次のように言うとちょっと柔らかい感じになりますね。 ⇒I do not believe that all people should be able to enter museums for free. ＞Firstly, museum's employee can run museum efficientry. ＊「有料だと、館員が～できる」のように言うともっと良い。なお、efficientry.は誤植。 ⇒First of all, a fee would allow museum employees to run the museum more efficiently. ＞In many cases, if they do allow entering museum for free, the cost is likely to get worse and worse. ＊「無料で入館できるようにすると」はallowing visitors to enter the museum for freeのように、動名詞を主語にできる。「コストが悪化する」（？）→「運営状況が悪化する（可能性が高い）」(would likely) worsen the operating situationとしましょうか。 ⇒In many cases, allowing visitors to enter the museum for free would likely worsen the operating situation. ＞However, by collecting money from visitor, the will get enough money. ＊the will getとは、the museum will getのこと？「お金が稼げる」では情報量が希薄なので、「運営資金」とでもしますか。なお、visitorは複数形がいいです。 ⇒However, by collecting money from visitors, the museum can obtain sufficient operating funds. ＞Secondly, visitor can't see exhibit enough. ＊「無料だと」という条件節を入れた方がよい。 ⇒Second, if the exhibits are free, visitors will not be able to fully see the exhibits. ＞This is because, if they do not collect money, many people visit museum. ＊theyの意味があいまい（と見る向きもあるやも知れません）ので、moneyを主語にしましょう。many people visit museumのくだりにwouldを入れるとよい。 ⇒This is because if money were not collected, many people would visit the museum. ＞As a result,museum is flooded with visitor. ＊floodedの原義は「洪水」ですので、(will be) overflowingを使うとよりよくなります。なお、その後に、もう一度「展示を鑑賞しにくくなる恐れがある」と加えましょう。 ⇒As a result, museums will be overflowing with visitors, and there is a risk that they will not be able to fully appreciate the exhibits. ＞In conclusion, I strongly agree with this opinion. ＊this opinionだけだと、中身がよく分からないので具体的な説明（有料のまま）を入れましょう。 ⇒In conclusion, I strongly agree with the opinion that fees should remain.
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- all_is_well
- ベストアンサー率45% (5/11)
I don't think museums should be free for everyone. One reason why I think so is that charging a fee helps museums run more efficiently. If entry was free, costs for the museums could get out of control. By collecting money from visitors, they can cover their expenses. Another reason for thinking so is that when there's an entry fee, visitors can enjoy the exhibits more. If museums were free, they would be crowded with people, making it hard to see everything. So, charging a fee helps control crowds. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that museums should charge an entrance fee.
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