添削していただけませんか？

質問

この和文を英訳したのですが、学生でも使えるような文法や単語を使って添削していただけませんか？よろしくお願いいたします。

I went to Miyajima.There is a World Heritage site called "Itukushima Shrine."The vivid red color left an impression on me.When the tide is high, the Great Torii appears floating in the sea.You can walk to the torii at low tide.When I went near the torii, I was surprised at the size.I felt the greatness and mystery of nature.You can enjoy eating and walking in Miyajima."Especially, there were many kinds of mizu-buns, so I wondered which one to eat."There was also a rare rice bun called fried bun.Everything was delicious.

回答No.1

Nakay702

I went to Miyajima, where there is “Sasajima Shrine” which is registered as a World Heritage Site. The bright red color left an impression. At high tide, the Otorii (the gate to approach Shrine) can be seen floating in the sea. We can walk to Torii at low tide. I was surprised at the big size of the torii. I felt the greatness and mystery of nature. We can enjoy eating various tasty sweets in Miyajima. In particular, there were many types of maple buns (red bean buns and cakes in the form of maple leaves), and I was wondering which to eat. There was also an unusual maple one called a fried bun. Everything was delicious.
《私は宮島に行ったが、そこには世界遺産に登録されている「嚴島神社」がある。鮮やかな赤色が印象に残った。満潮の時は大鳥居（参道の門）が海に浮かんで見える。干潮の時は鳥居まで歩いていくことができる。鳥居の近くまで行くと、その大きさに驚いた。自然の偉大さや神秘さを感じた。宮島では菓子類の食べ歩きを楽しむことができる。特に、もみじ饅頭（もみじ葉の形の小豆菓子）の種類が豊富で、どれを食べるか迷った。揚げた饅頭という珍しいもみじ饅頭もあった。どれも美味しかった。》