Is Too Much Emphasis Put on Work in Modern Society?
- Family relations of workers are in precarious situations due to the emphasis on work, leading to a lack of time and rest with one's family.
- The health of workers is being compromised, as evidenced by the increase in suicides and illnesses.
- The rise in temporary employment has the potential to force workers to work longer hours and exacerbate the aforementioned issues.
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英検１級のエッセイを書きました。
英検１級のエッセイを書きました。できはあまりよくないと思いますが、推敲お願いいたします。 ちなみに２８点満点ですが、何点くらいとれていると思いますか...？ TOPIC Is too much emphasis put on work in modern society? POINTS ・Business culture ・Family relations ・Global competition ・Health ・Materialism ・Temporary employment （ここからです） Work has been one of the most important issue in people's life throughout the history. Nevertheless, I believe that too much emphasis is put on work in our modern society. First of all, family relations of the workers are in precarious situations. A large proportion of the workers in Japan in other terms widely known as "salary man" tend to become workaholic and therefore not being able to spend time with their family. Although this might not sound serious, a lack of time and rest with one's family in private life could result in mangling the job. In addition, take the health of the workers. The statistics show us the number of people who commit suicide or become sick is growing precipitously in the last few decades. This obviously implies that too much emphasis that too much emphasis is put on work. Finally, the increase in temporary employment is boosting the the temporary employed workers motivation toward work. This is not entirely a negative trend, however,there is a concern that it could force them to work unduly longer hours, which could possibly result in the two aforesaid points. Too much emphasis is put on work in modern society. An immediate action must be taken in order to alleviate this impending issue.
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質問者が選んだベストアンサー
いきなり添削をします Work has been one of the most important issue in people's life throughout the history. Nevertheless, I[, however,] believe that too much emphasis is put on work in our modern society. (ここは、neverthlessではなくて、簡単に"however"でいいと思います あと"issue[s]") First of all, family relations of the workers are in precarious situations. ("a precarious situation"でいいような気がします) A large proportion of the workers in Japan[,] in other terms[,] widely known as "salary man"[,] tend to become workaholic[,] and therefore not being able to spend time with their family. Although this might (もしくは"may") not sound serious, a lack of time and rest with one's family in private life could (もしくは"can")result in mangling the job. (might & couldはちょっと弱いような気がしました あと[,]は追加した方がいいです) In addition, (take) the health of the workers (takeはいらないかも もしくは"has worsened"or"has become worse"). The statistics show us the number of people who commit suicide or become sick is growing [has grownのほうがいいかも] precipitously in the last few decades. This ["trend"とか何か名詞を入れたほうがいいです] obviously implies (implyをobviouslyで修飾するのはおかしい 何も入れないくてもいいのでは) that too much emphasis that too much emphasis is put on work [ここは同じ意味でparaphraseするとか]. Finally, the increase in [the] temporary employment [rate?] is boosting the (the) temporary (employed)(これいらないかな…) workers['] motivation toward work. This is not entirely a negative trend, however,there is a concern that it could (もしくはwould) force them to work unduly longer hours, (which could possibly result)(簡単に"resulting"でどうでしょう) in the two aforesaid points[, less contacts with family & the deteriorated helth condition of workers でいいですか?]. (ただこのパラは第1文と第2文各々の理由がよくわからない そして第1と第2文との関連がわからないです) Too much emphasis is put on work in modern society. (ここは"Too much emphasis causes (or "brings about") many problems"とかはどうですか) An immediate action must be taken in order to alleviate this impending issue. 文、そして全体の構成は大丈夫なんですが、各パラグラフにおける文同士の関連(理由)が不明なところがあるので、各パラグラフの第1文をサポートする第2文意向の内容、構成をもう少し考えたほうがいいかもです 最後のconclusionも少し弱いです
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- 英語のエッセイで困っています。
このようなエッセイを大学の課題で作成しました。内容はともかく、文法の間違い、意味が通じない等ございましたら、訂正、指摘お願いいたします。 The fragrance of the trees evokes hometown. I come back hometown once a year. There are some differences between hometown I used to live in and the city I live in now, for example, population, air, scene, and so on. There is something the most different between the two. It is the fragrance. Fragrance is closely connected with memory. This fact was discovered in the past. It is called "Involuntary memory". It is a conception of human memory in which cues encountered in life evoke recollections of the past without conscious effort. Involuntary memory is a concept made famous by the writer Marcel Proust in his novel "In Serch of Lost Time", although the idea was also developed in his earlier writings. In this connection, It is called " Proust effect", too. For example, when you feel the fragrance of a detergent, you probably remember that you had a good time with your mother. Even if I live separated from my hometown, when I feel the fragrance of the trees from my desk or my pencil around me, the fragrance calls up the memory of hometown. I enjoy my reminiscences of childhood. There are many memories. The impression I got from that occasion remains vivid. Tears come to my eyes when I think of those days. I neglected my studies and spends my time having fun. The scent of the trees wafted itself around the playground every day. By the way, in the city, is there no scent which recalls past life? Of course, I can feel much fragrance there. However, the fragrance in the city, for instance, exhaust gas or concrete, don't make a vivid impression on me. The fragrance in the country seems to be more deeply impressed on me rather than that in the city. Furthermore, in my opinion, The fragrance in hometown is the scent which I sniffed in childhood. In short,that is the first experience. So this scense seemes to be deeply engraved on my mind for a long time. Thus, the fragrance of the trees evokes my life in childhood. It is very happy to remember the memories in hometown. Recently,however, the trees are leveled to make way for the land development in hometown. So when I came back to hometown before, the scent of the trees is almost disappeared. And playground changed into a residential area five years ago. Mountains which I would often climb in summer vacation are likely to be destroyed to build a golf course. "What fragrance evoke your hometown ?" Maybe you don't know how to reply when asked something like that out of the blue. I think it is natural. But someone who is alive 100 years later may answer like this. "The fragrance of the concrete and plastic"
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- 英語
- エッセイの添削をお願いします！
高校で資料を参考にして、エッセイを書く課題が出ました。 一度書いてみたので添削をお願いします！ ※文章構成(firstly, secondly In conclusion と 最初のパラグラフと最後のパラグラフとの内容が被ること)に関しては学校からの指示なので、そのままでお願いします。 以下 People had better be concerned about climatic change for ecosystem. It is global warming that one of the things that are in question most and most influential. These days, the affect the impact of global warming has been serious in Arctic. If we took preventive measures against it thoroughly, the animals on the ice in Arctic, such as, polar bear and earless seal, would be threatened with extinction. Firstly, according to the report from Nasa in 2005, the amount of sea ice that floats in the chilly arctic is much less than what it used to be. In other words, this report says that the environment which they can live on is not what it used to be. Secondly, the report says that each year, during the month of September, the amount of sea ice floating in the Arctic Ocean is typically at its lowest amount for the entire year. That year, and all the way back to 2002, the amount of sea ice has been 20% less than the average amount seen normally between 1979 and 2005. That is to say, it shows that the place which it is possible for them to live on has gradually decreasing. In the future, it and they may perfectly disappear. In conclusion, we had better think of what global warming affect them and need to immediately start working out solutions for this problem. Otherwise, they will really have died out by mankind. 以上 ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ ※念のために言いたいことを大まかに日本語で書いておきます※ ^－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ 人々はもっと生態系のためにも気候変動について気にかけるべきである。もっとも影響があり問題となっているのが地球温暖化だ。近年、北極での地球温暖化は深刻化してきている。もし私たちが徹底的に地球温暖化を防がなければ、ホッキョクグマやアザラシなどの北極で生活する動物たちが絶滅の危機に瀕することになるかもしれない。 第一に、NASAの2005年に調査によると、「資料抜粋：the amount of sea ice that floats in the chilly arctic is much less than what it used to be. This report says that it is probably because of warmer arctic temperature.」言いかえれば、このレポートは彼ら(北極に住む動物)の住む環境が昔と変わってきていることを示している。 次に、この調査は「資料抜粋each year, during the month of September, the amount of sea ice floating in the Arctic Ocean is typically at its lowest amount for the entire year. That year, and all the way back to 2002, the amount of sea ice has been 20% less than the average amount seen normally between 1979 and 2005.」ということを示しています。つまり、彼らが住むことができる場所が徐々に減ってきているということを示します。将来、その場所と彼らは完全に姿を消すかもしれません。 要するに、私たちはもっと地球温暖化とそれが与える動物への影響を考え、この問題について対策を練る必要があります。そうでなければ、彼らは人類によって本当に絶滅してしまうかもしれないのです。 ※※※ 学校からの指示としては、自分の意見を Scentists using satellites date have confirmed that the amount of sea ice that flats in the chilly arctic is much less than it used to be , and that's probably because of warmer Arctic temperatures. Earch year, during the month of September, the amount of sea ice floating in the Arctic Ocean is typically at its lowest amount for the entire year. That year, and all the way back to 2002, the amount of sea ice has been 20% less than the average amount seen normally between 1979 and 2005. という資料から二つ根拠をあげて述べろ という指示です。 長いですが添削をお願いします
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SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY In 1975, Dowd proposed a different way of explaining this question. Dowd proposed that retirement is actually a sort of social contract that the person makes with society.They obtain increased leisure time, and an 'honourable discharge' from the idea that all responsible members of society ought to work as hard as possible - the Protestant Work Ethic-and in return, they give up their involvement in how society's affairs are run. This social exchange is seen, according to Dowd, as a fair trade, both by society and by old people. More recently, however, people are showing sings of being less prepared to accept this type of social contract. After all, we live much longer now than we did when retirement was first introdused, and we keep our health for longer, too; so it is much more practical for people to continue to take an active part in society. Among business and professional people, it is not at all uncommon for retirement to signal the beginning of a second career, and a much more independent one that allows them to use their experience, such as working as a consultant. In other groups of society, too, people are beginning to see retirement as an opportunity to do new things. Organizations like the University of the Third Age encourage retired people to develop new hobbies and pursue new interests, and are becoming more popular and successful all the time. Many psychologists now take the view that successful retirement is all about making sure that you acquire new social roles, to replace the ones that you have lost through work, and activities of this sort are exactly the way that people do that. Insight Having responsibilities and being needed seem to be the core of successful retirement. That can take many forms: some people feel needed by their gardens, and devote much of their time to taking care of them; while others take on more social responsibilities.
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The mid-life crisis One of the more popular ideas in recent years is that of the mid-life crisis. In many societies, adults simply work from the time that they are grown (or in some cases before) until they become too old. But in modern Western societies, it is no longer the case that we stay doing the same job throughout our woking lives. Temporary work, redundancies, adult re-training schemes and a greater emphasis on job satisfaction mean that many people hit a period in their 40s or 50s when they being to re-evaluate their lives, and decide that they want to do something which is more personally meaningful for them. Sometimes, this crisis simply takes the form of the person looking for different job. But in the modern world, such decisions usually mean re-training, and some people go back into full-time education to achieve this. Universities have growing numbers of numbers of adult students, as do colleges and training schemes, and even people who left school feeling that they were too 'thick' to gain qualifications find that this is not so, and that they can learn as effectively as anyone else.
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- わからない英文があります
これらの英文をどなたか日本語に訳していただけないでしょうか? できれば解説もお願いします 1. Too many e-mail messages interfere with real work. We should become aware of the effect e-mail has on us and decide if we really want to spend so many hours on e-mail, instead of on more valuable activities. 2. Perhaps one of the reasons why so many are attracted to this statue after nearly 1300 years is that it gives people a sense of healing which is much needed in an age of uncertainty.
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- 英語
- 英文エッセイ
こんにちわ。アメリカの語学学校に通う１７歳です。 金曜日にエッセイ提出で、一応自分で書いてみたのですが、 中卒なのでライティングにあまり自信がありません。 英語に詳しい方、ご指摘ください。 以下が私が書いた文章です。よろしくお願いします。 In some countries, most notably in Asia, there is a high degree of loyalty to one company. However, in most European countries and the United States, loyalty to one’s employer is not highly valued; instead it is considered more rational and reasonable for an employee to change jobs whenever it is warranted to achieve the optimal overall career. Both of these positions have advantages and disadvantages. In cultures that value loyalty to the employer, a kind of family relationship seems to develop between employer and employee. It is a reciprocal arrangement which the employer is concerned with assisting the employee to develop to his/her full potential and the employee is concerned about optimizing the welfare of the company. The negative aspect to absolute loyalty to one company is that an employee may stay in one job that he/she has outgrows and may miss out on opportunities to develop in new directions. From the employer’s point of view, the employee may be burdened with employees whose skills no longer match the needs of the company. In cultures in which it is quite acceptable to change jobs every few years, employees can build the career they choose for themselves. They can stay with one company as long as it is mutually beneficial to company and employee. As long as good relationship exists and the employee’s career is advancing at an acceptable pace, the employee can remain with a company. But at any time the employee is free to move to another company, perhaps to achieve a higher position, to move into a new area, or to find a work situation that is more suitable to his/her personality. The disadvantage of this situation is employees tend to move around a lot. Although both these systems have advantages and disadvantages, it is much better for employees have the opportunity to move from job to one another if it is necessary to have a better career.
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お礼
お礼大変おそくなりました。わかりやすい添削ありがとうございます。 大変勉強になりました。