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自分作の歌詞です。意見お願いします。

(1)今日は快晴のHoliday！ 心も体も解放しちゃって パアッと外へとびだそうぜ！ 何もしないでRelax？ 俺にはどうも合わないらしい！だから走るよ このhighway 気の向くままに がむしゃらに Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life 気の向く方向 進むだけ Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life (2)愛車と2人のHoliday！ 赤いポルシェを走らしちゃってデカイ太陽を浴びてるぜ！ 海の波と この香り 悩みなんか消えちまうぜ！ だから走るよ このMY WAY 気の向くままに がむしゃらに Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life 気の向く方向 進むだけ Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life 気の向くままに がむしゃらに Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life 気の向く方向 進むだけ Don't STOP！ Don't TURN！ Going！ Going！ Go My life

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  • higrik
  • ベストアンサー率58% (114/196)
回答No.1

専門家ではないので参考にならないかもしれません。 この歌詞はメロディをつける前でしょうか、 それともメロディからつけたものでしょうか? ここではメロディがないものとして発言します。 歌詞一番と二番のAメロディ(二行のところ)とBメロディ(三行のところ)が 入れ替わっている気がしますが、 これは何か効果を狙っているのでしょうか? 最後のさび二回繰り返しは割と重い気がします。 別のメロディと歌詞を挟んだほうがよいかもしれません。 それとこの曲の場合さび(Don't STOP！)を曲の頭に持ってきても よいかもしれないかと思います。

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