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日記風に、誰かに話しかける感じで書きました。添削お願いします。

ここgooだけで勉強していますが、暫らく英文を書かなかったので、英語の文章が中々出てきません。再度、勉強をしなおさないとだめかと思っています。短い文章ですが、書いてみました。 Hi, my Crystal! The first, I must say to you “ I am so sorry! I haven't came here for a long time.” Did you worry about me? I have been well. How about you, Crystal? Sometimes I thought of you, but I couldn’t think and feel in English. I know I have to learn English day by day. Now my brain said to me “You can!" I should believe myself. I have you and you help me a lot for it. Crystal, I promise you that I will be learning with you. And someday I want to talk with you and my friends in English. Crystal, I have to make breakfast. So I say to you “Have a nice weekend!”

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  • 英語
  • 回答数3
  • 閲覧数67
  • ありがとう数5

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  • 回答No.3

Gです。 こんにちは!! 久しぶりですね。 お元気でしたか? (頑張っていませんでしたね。 短いものをじっくり自分のものにすることを今年やってみてはいかがでしょうか。) 文章を読ませてもらいました。 (ひとつ除いてですが)何を言いたいのかすらっと感じることが出来る文章になりましたね。 文法的な間違いもほとんどないし。 今までしなかった割には(いやみじゃないですよ)よく書かれていると思います。 また一行づつやってみましょう。 >Hi, my Crystal! The first, I must say to you “ I am so sorry! The firstの代わりに冠詞のないFirst,と言う表現を使ってください。 The thing I want to say is,,,,,,という表現の仕方であればtheが必要となります。 そして、must/have to say to you "xxx"と、このせりふを言わなくてはならない、と言う表現をいままでしてきたわけですが、そろそろ表現を方法を少ない単語で言う、つまり、say to you "I'm so sorry"の部分の行為を言う時にどんな一般的な表現を使うかと言うと、apologizeと言う単語使うようにすると文章自体の質が上がる、と言う事につながります。 (これは私の日本語での問題だと分かっていますので人には言うけど自分ではしない、と言う事ではありません。 それなりに日本語の表現を高めているつもりです <g>) よって、First, I must aplogize for not coming here more often.と言う表現に持っていって、もっと頻繁にこない事で謝らないと。と言う感じになるわけです。 >I haven't came here for a long time.” I haven'tの後はcameではなくcomeになりますね。 これは文法ですね。 学校文法として分けるものではなく、学校で教えてくれる必要な文法の一部ですからI haven't come, I haven't come, I haven't come, I haven't come, I haven't come, I haven't comeと口の中で何回も毎日、自然に言えるように、つまり、I haven't cameといったら違和感を感じるまで、繰り返し言ってください。 これを自分のものにする、ということです。 >Did you worry about me? I have been well. How about you, Crystal? Sometimes I thought of you, but I couldn’t think and feel in English. OKですね。 つまり、日記を書かなくちゃ、と言うフィーリングは日本語としてで来るけど、I have to push myself to write something in English.とはでてこない、と言うことですね。  >I know I have to learn English day by day. learnは「習う」ですね。 studyは勉強する、練習はpracticeですね。 どちらでもいいわけですが、 自分のフィーリングにあった単語をつかえるよう自分にチャレンジしてみることも大事ですよ。 >Now my brain said to me “You can!" I should believe myself. okですね。  >I have you and you help me a lot for it. これはYou have helped me a lot with English。というフィーリングですか? >Crystal, I promise you that I will be learning with you. And someday I want to talk with you and my friends in English. learning with you more oftenとすると冒頭の「謝罪<g>」とマッチしますね。 >Crystal, I have to make breakfast. So I say to you “Have a nice weekend!” breakfast now, so I say (to you) "Have a nice weekend!"とnowを入れるとバイバイしなくてはならない理由がはっきりしますね。 今年も頑張ってくださいね。 これでいかがでしょうか。 分かりにくい点がありましたら、補足質問してください。 

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質問者からのお礼

おはようございます。 日本は、今日”成人の日”で祝日です、私は土曜休日から3連休です。 いつも解りやすく回答していただき感謝しています。 ★apologize.....発音も確認しました。 ★apologizeと言う単語使うようにすると文章自体の質が上がる、と言う事につながります。.....このことは、私の遠い先の”目標”でもあります。 ★>I have you and you help me a lot for it. これはYou have helped me a lot with English。というフィーリングですか?......そうです、でも私も自分の文章を読み直すと、チョッと??でした。 やらなくては今よりよくなるはずは無いですよね。もっと良くなりたいという気持ちはいつでも自分で感じています。それならばやるしかないということですね。今年はGさんに言っていただいたように”短いものをじっくり自分のものにすることを今年やってみる”、これを頭に入れて頑張ります。ありがとうございます。

その他の回答 (2)

  • 回答No.2

はじめまして。 I must say to you → I've got to say to you もしくは I need to say to youくらいがいいかも。(mustは少々深刻さを感じさせます) I haven't came here → I haven't "come" here (come - came - come) I should believe myself. → Maybe I should ~ .にしてもいいかもしれません。 このあたりでしょうか。こちらもいい勉強になりました。ありがとうございます。

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質問者からのお礼

おはようございます。 gooだけで勉強をしていますが、前回添削をお願いしたのは10月25.6日だったでしょうか。長いこと”さぼってしまった”のです。英語の頭になるまでに(戻すまでに)本当に時間がかかってしまいました。 これから又頑張るツモリです、ありがとうございます。

  • 回答No.1
noname#24040
noname#24040

ほとんどperfectと思います。 better に あくまで参考です。 The first -->First of all Did you worry --> Are you worrying I hava you and you help me a lot for it --> does it make sense?

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質問者からのお礼

おはようございます。 ★ほとんどperfectと思います。 こんな書き出しの回答を読んだ時、思わず”笑顔”になりました。でも習う事に”満点”というのは無いとも解っています。より心のこもった良い文章がかけるように頑張ります、ありがとうございます。

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