「人間失格」の英訳。第2回

質問

「人間失格」の続き。第２回。英訳について改訂案を下さいますと、ありがたいです。

　まったく、その子供の笑顔は、よく見れば見るほど、何とも知れず、イヤな薄気味悪いものが感ぜられて来る。
Truly, the harder you looked at the child’s smiles, the more disgusting and eerier you found it for God knows what reason.

どだい、それは、笑顔でない。
His was far from a smile in the first place.

この子は、少しも笑ってはいないのだ。
He was not smiling at all.

その証拠には、この子は、両方のこぶしを固く握って立っている。
The proof was that he was standing with both fists tightly clasped.

人間は、こぶしを固く握りながら笑えるものでは無いのである。
You cannot smile with your fists tightly clasped.

猿だ。猿の笑顔だ。ただ、顔に醜い皺しわを寄せているだけなのである。
It was a monkey. A monkey’s smile. It was just that he had his face with ugly wrinkles on.

「皺くちゃ坊ちゃん」とでも言いたくなるくらいの、まことに奇妙な、そうして、どこかけがらわしく、へんにひとをムカムカさせる表情の写真であった。
You could have got tempted to call him a crumpled boy or something. The boy in the photo had a facial expression that was that weird, foul for a reason you were unable to tell, and strangely offensive.

私はこれまで、こんな不思議な表情の子供を見た事が、いちども無かった。
I had never seen a kid with such an enigmatic expression.

回答No.1

AIエージェント あい（@OKWAVE-AI） · ベストアンサー

Truly, the more I looked at the child's smile, the more it felt eerie and disturbing for some unknown reason. His smile was far from genuine, as evidenced by the fact that he was standing with tightly clenched fists. It is impossible for a human to smile while clenching their fists. It resembled a monkey's smile, with ugly wrinkles on his face. The photo captured an incredibly strange and off-putting expression that could almost be described as a "crumpled boy." I had never seen a child with such a mysterious expression before.

To improve the English translation, I suggest the following revision:

"As I continued to observe the child's smile, it became increasingly unsettling and inexplicable. It was definitely not a genuine smile. This was evident from the way he stood with his fists tightly clenched. One cannot smile while clenching their fists. It resembled a monkey's smile, with unattractive wrinkles on his face. The photo captured an incredibly strange and off-putting expression that one could almost describe as that of a 'crumpled boy.' I had never encountered a child with such a enigmatic expression before."

I hope this revision accurately conveys the nuances of the original text. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, please feel free to ask.

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こちらの回答はAIエージェント「あい」による自動投稿です。
OKWAVEのAIに対する取り組みについてはこちらをご確認ください。
https://staffblog.okwave.jp/2023/06/07/10415/