10年前のドア・ツー・ドアセールスマンから大学留学応募エッセイへの変化
- 私は10年前にドア・ツー・ドアセールスマンとして働いていました。
- その経験から学んだ根気、努力、奇跡の大切さを伝えたいです。
- これまでの経験が私の強さに変わっていることを示したいです。
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大学留学応募のエッセイ
お願いします。下記のお題でエッセイを提出します。文字数は丁度200wordsです。文法、文章の流れなど添削頂けると涙が出るほど助かります。 なお、文章中の（）は英語に自信がない場合に日本語入れています 大学側のお題：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私のエッセイ：I used to work as door to door sales man about 10 years ago. To sale $3,000 water cleaner, I would often visit more than 100 houses everyday. At that time, not only Japanese are not so interested that device but also people usually drinks tap water. In previous times, people used to think that purchase natural water are ridiculous and said “drink tap water as much as you like, do not waste your money!” Great majority of Japanese did not interested water at all. Therefore, I was always turned down and was jeered and yelled at me. I had an experience with scattered salt by a man（男性から塩をかけられた経験があります）. It means purify evil sprit. I believed that I could find a customer as long as I do not give in. I became discouraged several times. Nevertheless, I had kept knock a door hundred of times and then I had encountered the customers（冠詞に迷いました、the としたのは思い描いたそのお客さんに出会えたとし定冠詞にしました）. At sales convention, I obtained a first prize among over 1,000 company members. Through this precious experiment, I learned patient, efforts must be pay off and I understood that If people efforts desperately, God presents us a miracle. My weakness was changed strength（by ○○はあえて書きませんでした、キリスト教系の大学なのでここは神様と読み手は考えると思うからです）. This life experience is my treasure. よろしくお願いします＜（＿ ＿）＞
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とりあえず目についた単語だけ.. (*...) -> 置換 (%...) -> 削除 (&...) -> 挿入 ??? -> 別表現のほうが良いか？ 私のエッセイ：I used to work as door to door sales man about 10 years ago. To sale(*sell a) $3,000 water cleaner, I would often visit more than 100 houses everyday. At that time, (%not only) Japanese are(*were) not (&only) so interested (&in) that device but also people(*they) usually drinks(*drank) tap water. In previous times(*In those days), people used to think that purchase(*buying/purchasing) (%natural) water are(*was) ridiculous and said(used toから続くなら *say) “drink tap water as much as you like, do not waste your money!” Great majority of Japanese did(*was) not interested (&in) water at all. Therefore, I was always turned down and was jeered and yelled at (%me)(&by them). I had an experience with scattered salt by a man(???)（男性から塩をかけられた経験があります.）. It means purify(driving away) evil sprit. I believed that I could find a customer as long as I do not give in. I became discouraged several times. Nevertheless, I had kept knock(*knocking) a door hundred of times and then I had encountered the customers（冠詞に迷いました、the としたのは思い描いたそのお客さんに出会えたとし定冠詞にしました）. At sales convention, I obtained(*was awarded) a first prize among over 1,000 company members. Through this precious experiment(*experience), I learned patient(*patience and) efforts must be pay off(*must have been paid off?) and I understood that If people (&make) efforts desperately, God presents us a miracle. My weakness was changed(* turned to) strength（by ○○はあえて書きませんでした、キリスト教系の大学なのでここは神様と読み手は考えると思うからです）. This life experience is my treasure.
関連するQ&A
- 大学留学応募の際のエッセイについて
お願いします。下記のお題でエッセイを提出します。文法、文章の流れなど添削頂けると涙が出るほど助かります。 大学側の題：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私のエッセイ：I filled with spirit than anyone else. I used to work as door to door sales man about 10 years ago. To sale a $3,000 water cleaner, I would often visit more than 100 houses everyday. At that time, Japanese were not only so interested in that device but also they usually drank tap water. In those days, people used to think that purchasing water was ridiculous and say “drink tap water!” Great majority of Japanese was not interested in water. Therefore, I was always turned down and was jeered and yelled by them. Some people scattered salt at me. It means driving away evil sprit. I believed that I could find a customer as long as I do not give in. I became discouraged several times. Nevertheless, I had kept knocking a door hundred of times and then I had encountered a customer. At sales convention, I was awarded a first prize among over 1,000 company members. Through this precious experience, I learned patience and must have been paid off and I understood that if people make efforts desperately, God presents us a miracle. My weakness was turned to strength. This life experience is my treasure. (197 words) よろしくお願いします＜（＿ ＿）＞
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- 英語
- 大学入学の際のエッセイ添削希望
お願いします。以下私のエッセイの文法の誤り、文章の構成などアドバイスを是非よろしくお願いします＜（＿ ＿）＞ 大学側：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私のエッセイ：I have a special sales experience than other applicants. I had sold water cleaners as a door to door sales man about 10 years ago. I would have often visit more than 100 houses everyday in order to sell$3,000 water cleaners. I learned how to develop good communication with customers from my own experience. Decade ago, Japanese were not interested in the device since they usually drank tap water. In those days, people had thought that purchasing water was ridiculous. Therefore, I was always turned down. People would have yelled at me and some even scattered salt at me to drive away evil spirits. Since I want to be a success, I had kept knocking on hundred of doors. I realized that it is more important to become a customer’s friend than just a salesman. If friend who would suggest using the device for their friend health. Therefore, I tried becoming their best friend. The Result of patience, effort and ingenuity, I was awarded a first prize among over 1,000 company members at a sales convention. Through this experience, I learned that if people exert maximum effort, God will present miracles. I believe that I put my experience to study. (200 words)
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 大学留学の際のエッセイ
お願いします。200文字以内でエッセイを書けとの設問で以下のように書きましたがどうしても203文字になってしまいます。同じような内容で200文字以内で収めることは出来ませんでしょうか。また文法の誤りがあれば教えて頂けると助かります 大学側：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私が考えた内容：I used to work as door-knocker. I was rejected by people and was yelled me. however, At sales convention, I obtained a first prize. Through this experiment, I learned patient and my efforts must pay off.
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 留学の際のエッセイ
下記内容でエッセイを書きました、内容などご指摘いただくと助かります。 Describe why you want to attend an institution within the LDS Church Educational System and what value you will add to that institution. (200 words or less) I want to be a spiritually-advanced person and contribute people to be happier. There are several reasons that I choose the institution of church, BYUH. I want to learn from those who have the same sense of value. Additionally, I am fascinated by your motto “ENTER TO LEARN GO FORTH TO SERVE.” I want to serve people as an ultimate work after my graduation. I believe that BYUH is the only school that may teach me how to serve for people. I have only a child. Being able to stay near the temple and have church’s friends would give a good chance to nurture him. But also, strengthen our testimony to God. Nothing is more valuable than it for us. Finally, after graduation I will put my all into environmental job. My wife’s father has own his company and has some products to make an improvement on the green issue. I want to disseminate his products widely across to the world. I will contribute to the world as BYUH alumnus and I am spontaneous therefore, I outspoken to brighten up in class. I would be a crucial person. For these reasons, I want to be matriculated at BYUH.（198）
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 留学のエッセイ
お願いします。以下の内容でエッセイを書きました。文法の誤りを教えていただけると非常に助かります、よろしくお願いします 尚、「200文字以内で」とありますが今222文字あります、最終的に調整したいと考えています Describe why you want to attend an institution within the LDS Church Educational System and what value you will add to that institution. (200 words or less) There are several reasons why I choose BYUH. That's because church’s institution. First of all, I want to learn from those who same sense of value. Second, I made an impression on BYUH’s school characteristic “ENTER TO LEARN GO FORTH TO SERVE.” I want to serve people through after graduate’s work, hope to be of service to someone, and I have received kindness by many people, therefore, I want to return the favor. I believe that BYUH is the only school where teach me how to serve for people. Third, I have an only child. He is my pleasure and my treasure. Being able to stay near the temple and have church’s friend would give him chance to nurture. Nothing is more valuable than this for us. Finally, I am a temporary worker and very unstable work. I would like to snap out from my vicious circle. After graduation I will put my all into environmental job. My wife’s father have own company and he has some idea and products to make an improvement green issue. After I learn business marketing I will take over his company and disseminate his products widely across to the world and help to make change to better place. I want to contribute to the world as BYUH alumnus. For these reasons, I want to matriculate BYUH.
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 留学の際のエッセイ
お願いします。下記の文章はentrance essayです。 I want to be a spiritually advanced person and contribute to people’s happiness. My motivation to apply BYUH is to learn from those who have the same values as I have. I am fascinated by your motto “ENTER TO LEARN, GO FORTH TO SERVE,” I want to serve people. I believe that BYUH is the best school for me to learn how to serve others. I have a child who is one year old and whose name is ○○. It means God’s messenger. He likes people; with his arms spread, he always begs someone to hold him up, his smile makes people comfortable. He is already offering love to people as God’s messenger. Being able to stay near temples and have church friends gives me a good chance to nurture him. Nothing is more valuable than this for him. Additionally, I am temporary a worker, and my job is unstable. Therefore, I want to remove myself from this situation. Fortunately, my wife’s father owns a company and has some products to improve environmental issues. I want to disseminate his ideas worldwide and contribute to the world as a BYUH alumnus. For these reasons, I want to enroll at BYUH.(199) 知り合いのTESOL関係の方に見てもらったところ1点指摘されました 指摘箇所：3段落目のcomfortable 指摘内容：Word choice. This is strange to say. 「彼の笑顔が人々を慰める（癒す）」と言いたいのですが his smile nurses people's soulと言えますでしょうか？ ※以前からエッセイを助けていただいている皆様へ このBYUHのTESOLの方から次のようなアドバイスをもらったため上記のようなエッセイに変えました you may want to add some details to your personal story about your son and wife. Using their names and a few personal details may make this paper more personal because you will sound more like an individual with a real life. This personal touch will attract the readers of your entrance essays.
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- 英語
- 和訳お願いします
和訳お願いします。 部分、部分はわかるんですが文になるとうまく日本語に直せなくて… As I traveled from one country to another, I got accustomed to communicating primarily through gestures. I imagined that I could read minds and send telepathic messages. I focused on facial expressions and eye contact. There were many times when I wanted to know what people were actually saying; however, I also often sensed that I was at a distinct advantage, not knowing. Ambiguity felt liberating. I didn't have to conform as much to expectations or behavior that I might consider restrictive. I could move in and out of culturally imposed roles more freely.
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- 英語
- エッセイのわからない部分を教えてください
ある作家のエッセイで、以下の部分がよくわかりませんでした。ご教授ください。 １．以下の文章の"for that matter have known since, "の部分がわかりませんでした。どういう意味でしょうか。 My attention veered inexorably back to the specific, to the tangible, to what was generally considered, by everyone I knew then and for that matter have known since, the peripheral. 2.以下は文の構造も訳もよくわかりません。訳を教えてください。（areの主語はどれですか？) By which I mean not a "good" writer or a "bad" writer but simply a writer, a person whose most absorbed and passionate hourse are spent arranging words on pieces of paper. 3.上の文章のすぐあとに以下が続いています。Hadから始まっているこの文章はどう訳せばいいんでしょうか？ Had my credentials been in order I would never have become a writer. Had I been blessed with even limited access to my own mind there would have been no reason to write. 全文は http://www.idiom.com/~rick/html/why_i_write.htm です。 よろしくお願いします！
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- 英語
- 英語堪能な方、英文を日本語に翻訳お願いします
英語堪能な方にお願いします。m(_ _)m 大変長文で申し訳ありませんが、 以下の英語を日本語に翻訳を、 どうぞ宜しくお願いします。m(_ _)m ↓ Then I see beautiful marie I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know any Japanese so Gohlam said to me I will invite her over to our table to have a drink with us ans she accepted and he translated for me and that how I met my first Japanese girlfriend. No we were not alone there was many many people there as well it was just a place where people met and had drinks and food. Well I want say it was love at first sight. I was attached to her , she had long beautiful hair a slender body a kind face and eyes, it was like a dream come true to met such a beautiful Japanese lady and I didn't know much Japanese
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- 英語
- 英文の日本語訳お願いします！
Basic survival demanded that the hands were almost never still, and so it was only during sleep (and sometimes not even then) that people were not saying something or other. No distinction was made between the gestures of language and the gestures of life. The labor of building a house, say, or preparing a meal was no less an expression than making the sign for I love you or I feel serious. When a hand was used to shield one’s face when frightened by a loud noise something was being said, and when fingers were used to pick up what someone else had dropped something was being said; and even when the hands were at rest, that, too, was saying something. おねがいします。
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お礼
回答ありがとうございました 各箇所修正します。また機会がありましたら是非よろしくお願いします ＜（＿ ＿）＞