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簡単な文章です。添削、至急お願いします!

スピーキングのテストで、外国人の先生に“What's new?”に対する答えを言わなくてはいけません。一応以下のように考えたのですが、添削お願いします。 Recently, I am very busy. Last week, I had a test of music theory on Wednesday, and on Friday, I had to submit two reports. And on the weekend I studied for this Speaking test, wrote three reports, practiced the piano, and I practice a handstand, because I have a test of it tomorrow. But, I can’t do it, so I’m very depressed, and I can’t understand why headstand is necessary to become nursery school’s teacher. And on the weekend I practiced my original dance a lot. (創作ダンスの練習をした。)This dance is for “Physical Expression class”, and I will have this test tomorrow.(このダンスは“身体表現”の授業のためのもので、明日試験(発表?)がある。) The dance’s music is ~ which is the music of Disneyland’s attraction ~. I like this song very much, but I have no experience of dance and I’m such a shy girl that I’m so nervous. However, I want to pass that class and became nursery school’s teacher, so I’ll try to do my best. And on the weekend, I cleaned my room, went shopping in the supermarket, and cooked lunch and dinner rather more and kept them freezer, because I’m busy this week too. Thus I’m very busy now, but I think I live life to the full. 以上です。長さの都合上、日本語はほぼ省略させていただきましたが、必要でしたら補足いたします。 大変長文ですが、宜しくお願いいたします。

noname#24989
noname#24989
  • 英語
  • 回答数3
  • ありがとう数4

質問者が選んだベストアンサー

  • ベストアンサー
  • taked4700
  • ベストアンサー率37% (777/2050)
回答No.1

本当に長文ですね。でも、頑張られているのが分かります。 1.Recently, I am very busy. I have been very busy. 最近ずっと と言う感覚なので。 2.Last week, I had a test of music theory on Wednesday, and on Friday, I had to submit two reports.  a test in music theory ある程度音楽理論というものの範囲が広いと考えられているから。 3.And on the weekend I studied for this Speaking test, wrote three reports, practiced the piano, and I practice a handstand, because I have a test of it tomorrow. 全体に言えることですが、「週末」とか、「金曜日に」などの副詞句が多いと感じます。これだとまるで、小学生の作文で「朝起きて、なになに、朝食を食べて何なに、、」と言った感覚になります。 The first thing I did on Saturday was practice for this speaking test. I also exercised playing the piano and handstanding that I sit for tomorrow. 4.But, I can’t do it, so I’m very depressed, and I can’t understand why headstand is necessary to become nursery school’s teacher. But to handstand is one thing that I can't perform, which depressed me so much. Let me say one thing that who can say the nessecity of headstand/handstand to become a nursery school teacher. 幼稚園の先生は一人二人と数えられるので、a が必要です。 5.And on the weekend I practiced my original dance a lot. (創作ダンスの練習をした。) ここも、副詞句で文を始めるのはやめて、 I practiced my original dance a lot on the weekend. 6.This dance is for “Physical Expression class”, and I will have this test tomorrow.(このダンスは“身体表現”の授業のためのもので、明日試験(発表?)がある。) これでいいと思います。 7.The dance’s music is ~ which is the music of Disneyland’s attraction ~. よく分かりませんが、多分、which is used in Disneyland's attraction ~. の方がいいかもしれませんね。 8.I like this song very much, but I have no experience of dance and I’m such a shy girl that I’m so nervous. これでいいと思います。しいて言えば、of dancing かな。 9.However, I want to pass that class and became nursery school’s teacher, so I’ll try to do my best. これでは、that class が何を意味するのか、間に歌のことなどが入っているので、聞いている人は疑問を持つことが多いでしょう。 I want to pass Physical Expression としましょう。また、became nursery school’s teacher では、すでに先生に「なった」ことになります。and to become a nursery school teacher, so ...としましょう。 10.And on the weekend, I cleaned my room, went shopping in the supermarket, and cooked lunch and dinner rather more and kept them freezer, because I’m busy this week too. ここも副詞句で始まっているので、それを変えましょう。 The other things I did on the weekend were cleaning my room, shopping in the/a supermarket and cooking some dishes for lunch and supper so that I could keep some of them in the freezer, because I thought I will be busy this week too. 11.Thus I’m very busy now, but I think I live life to the full. これでいいと思います。しいて言うなら I am living life... の方がいいかもしれませんね。

noname#24989
質問者

お礼

ご回答どうもありがとうございます。 そして、すぐにご回答拝見して、スピーチの参考にさせていただいたのですが、あまりの多忙のため、お返事が遅くなってしまって申し訳ありません; ご回答、あんなにすぐに、丁寧に説明も書いてくださって、とてもわかりやすく感激しました! おかげさまで、スピーキングのテストも無事終わり、本当に感謝しています。 本当にどうもありがとうございました。

その他の回答 (2)

  • drjyoung
  • ベストアンサー率43% (28/65)
回答No.3

私も大学でスピーチのクラスを取りましたが、No.2さんのおっしゃるように聞き手が聞いていて楽しく、飽きない文章にする必要があると思います。どこかにジョークを入れて聞き手を笑わすのも一つの手です。出来るだけあなたの文章を引用して書いてみますね。 I wish I had something exciting to report(またはtell you), but unfortunately, nothing much happened because I’ve been very busy lately. I had a test in music theory on Wednesday and turned in two papers on Friday. (私はアメリカに住んでいますが、こちらではレポートのことをpaperまたはterm/research paperと呼びます。) Weekend was busier as I had to prepare for this speech which took me a long time, wrote three more papers and practiced the piano. I also had to learn how to handstands. I tried hard, but I couldn’t do it. This is really depressing me. I don’t understand why we have to know how to handstands to be a nursery teacher. Do you? I also practiced my original dance for Physical Expression class a lot as I have a test tomorrow. I’m using the theme music/song (タイトル) which is my favorite from Disneyland’s attraction. But I am very nervous because I am shy and have no experience of dancing. However, I want to pass this class and become a nursery teacher. I’ll do my best, so please wish me luck. Let’s see, the other things I did on the weekend were cleaning my room, shopping at the supermarket, and cooking lunch and dinner. I cooked extra meal to save in the freezer because I wouldn’t have time to cook this week. As you can see, my life is rather busy, but I have no complaints because I am living my life to the fullest! ちょっと文章が長いので、短くしようと思ったのですが、結局かわりませんね。(笑) 本当に忙しそうですが、夢に向かって頑張って下さいね!

noname#24989
質問者

お礼

ご回答どうもありがとうございます。 そして、すぐにご回答拝見して、スピーチの参考にさせていただいたのですが、あまりの多忙のため、お返事が遅くなってしまって申し訳ありません; できるだけ私の文章を引用してくださったのも嬉しかったですし、構成等もとてもわかりやすくなっていて、本当に参考になりました! おかげさまで、スピーキングのテストも無事終わり、本当に感謝しています。 そして、本当なら100ポイントぐらい差し上げたいのですが、今回は先着順とさせていただきます。申し訳ありません; 本当にどうもありがとうございました。

  • Riccota
  • ベストアンサー率46% (116/248)
回答No.2

私なりに書いてみました。 とてもたくさん言いたいことがあるみたいなのですが、聞き手が聞きたいことかな?とか聞いて楽しいかな?とか、もう少し内容をまとめてみた方が良いような気がします。 例えば、テーマを「いろいろあるけど、すべては先生になるために頑張る!」として、リズム良く「これもやった、あれもやった」と読み上げていくと楽しく聞けるかもしれません。 "What's new?" Nothing particulary new because I've been very busy last week. I think I am living life to the full. Let me tell you about it. [最初に結論を持ってきた方が英語らしい構成に] Last week, there was a test of music theory and two reports to submit. I was busier on the weekend writing further three reports, practicing the piano, and ,of course, preparing for this speech. I practiced headstanding for tomorrow's class,too, but still I can’t do it. This depressed me a lot and made me think why this is necessary to become a nursery school teacher at all! More things followed on the weekend for another test of the“Physical Expression class”, to show my original dance. I am going to use my favourite song from Disneyland attraction. Being shy and no experience of dance I’m so nervous. I am doing them all for the sake of becoming a nursery school teacher, so I’ll try to do my best. My weekend came to the end when I cleaned up my room, went shopping, and cooked both lunch and dinner to be kept in the freezer for this week. What a life! [smile] どうでしょうか?

noname#24989
質問者

お礼

ご回答どうもありがとうございます。 そして、すぐにご回答拝見して、スピーチの参考にさせていただいたのですが、あまりの多忙のため、お返事が遅くなってしまって申し訳ありません; 確かに、このように構成したほうがはるかにわかりやすいですね! とても参考になりました。 また、あんなにすぐに丁寧にわかりやすく、書き直していただき、感激しました! おかげさまで、スピーキングのテストも無事終わり、本当に感謝しています。 本当にどうもありがとうございました

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