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息子へのメッセージ・・・ 英作文の添削お願いします。

Shimo-pyの回答

  • Shimo-py
  • ベストアンサー率61% (170/275)
回答No.3

No.002の続きです。 ◆(※3) But,you are being influenced by any and all of events and people that exist throughout the world. だけどあなたは世界中に存在するありとあらゆる出来事と人々に影響されているんだよ。 (※3) But,you are being influenced by any and all of them.      だけどあなたはそれら全てに影響されているんだよ。 Because,one thing leads to another ,and all those are linked together like beads. 一つのことが別のきっかけとなり、それらはすべてお互い数珠つなぎにリンクし合っているんだから・・・。 →どちらかいうと※3は二番目のほうがいいのですが、them を使うことでやや弱いかな。  But を文頭に置くのは、英文としてはよくありません。  ~なんだよ、というのは、よく覚えておいてね、の意ですから、Remember の命令文が妥当。 → Because の英文は厳密には文法的に好ましくなく、It is because ... にしたほうがいいです。私なら、Because も It is because もつけません。 → all those は all things のほうがきれい。 こんなまとめかたもあります。 Remember that you are under the influence of everything in the universe. One thing leads to another, and all things are strung together like beads. ◆In days of adversity, let's widen the scope to see your situation in a new light ! 逆境のときには視野を広げて新しい面を見てみよう! → 「~しよう」を let's とするのはおかしい。なぜなら let's は、「一緒に」~しようの意だからです。ここは、「~するようにつとめなさい」の意ですから、try ~ing を使います。  widen より broaden が普通かな。そして the scope は your scope じゃないかな。  horizen なんかも使えます。 → to see ~ は so that you can see ~ がいい。  目的をあらわすto 不定詞というのは、ちょっとこういうメッセージの中では弱いからです。  so that を使うことで、「~できるように」という意味と、「そうすれば~できるよ」という意味が込められます。your situation は、yourself のほうが英文は引き締まります。  代案 (後者のほうが、単刀直入で力強いです。)   In days of adversity, try broaden your scope so that you can see yourself in a new light !  あるいは   In days of adversity, try seeing yourself in a new light. ◆When you're happy, let's thank even someone who is on the other side of the world! うれしいときには地球の裏側で暮らす人にまで感謝しちゃおう! → さっきと同じ理由で let's は不可。 → 個人的な好みにもよりますが、文体論として、you're という省略形がここで突然出るのは、急に英文の格が落ちたように映ります。(ここまで there's とか there're がなかったのに) → someone は不可。これは誰かひとり、という意味になります。 代案 When you are happy, thank everyone, even those who live on the other side of the world. (world の代わりに globe も可) 幸せなときは、みんなに感謝しなさい、地球の裏側に住んでいる人たちに対してさえも。 ◆Well,but first of all, can you tell us. でもまあその前に・・・、まず私達に話してよ。 ◆We've always been there for you. 私達はいつだってあなたのそばにいるから! → 不可。完了形にすると、「今までずっとそばにいた」の意で、今後もずっとの意にはなりません。 We are always with you. がちょうどいい。 ◆Above all things , there is nothing more wonderful than being able to interact directly. なんといっても直接交流できることほど素敵なものはないよ。 → Above all things はこの流れでは意味不明。後ろに最上級相当表現があるので、不要です。 (日本語の言い回しが、英語でも同じように必要とされるわけではないので注意) ◆So fortunately for us, you came into the world as our son. そして幸運なことに、あなたが私達の息子として生まれてきてくれた。 → So の用法が不明。この英文は It is really fortunate that SV. としてはいかが。 ◆We'll cherish our miraculous encounter. 出会えた奇跡を大切にするよ。 → our より this のほうがいい。encounter の後ろには with you をつけて! ◆Nobody could ever take your place.   From your father and mother, with love. あなたはかけがえのない存在です…  パパとママより →きれいな英文ですね。With love, from your father and mother. が普通です。 ちなみに father and mother は「パパとママ」という感じではありません。 パパとママ、という感じは mom and dad (語順注意) または Daddy and Mommy のほうが、よく出ますよ。

cureyume
質問者

お礼

続きも とってもわかりやすい回答、ありがとうございます! ご説明のひとつひとつに感嘆しながら、読ませていただきました。 例文や単語をたくさん検索し文章を組み立てたつもりでしたが、そんなに単純なものではないのですね・・・。  このような場で質問するのは初めてでドキドキしていましたが、思い切って質問してみて本当に良かったと思っています。 とても勉強になりましたし、とっても助かりました!! どうも有難うございました。

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