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英作文の添削お願いします。
ちょっと練習してきたので以前よりはよくなってると思います。また環境についての自由英作文です。 「今日の環境問題について１００語程度の英語で書きなさい」 The disadvantage of technological advances is that they have caused various environmental problems. One of the greatest inventions is automobile, but now automobile exhaust provides one of the major causes of pollution. For example, it contributes to acid rain and this kills many trees in many areas of the world. And the burning fossil fuels such as oil, coal and natural gas gives off too much carbon dioxide. This leads to the global warming. In reality, it seems to be the most serious problems we face. It is high time all countries in the world worked together to save our earth by reducing the greenhouse effect. 細かい部分も見ていただけると大変助かりますが、何せ長いのでまずは文章の論理展開がつながっているかを見ていただけたらと思います。あとは冠詞が自信ないのでそこも見ていただけると幸いです。 よろしくお願いします！
- takeshi6101
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質問者が選んだベストアンサー
- ベストアンサー
この前のよりも、随分よくなりましたね。まだ、改善できるところはありますね。 The disadvantage of technological advances is that they have caused various environmental problems. テーマは「環境問題について」なのですが、これでは一見「テクノロジーの進歩による損失」がテーマのように見えます。主語を変えた方がいいですね。一つの案としては、various environmental problemsの方を主語にすることですね。 One of the greatest inventions is automobile, この文章では、テクノロジーの進歩が主要なテーマではないし、偉大な発明が何だったかについて述べる必要はありません。よって、この部分はいらないように思います。 but now automobile exhaust provides one of the major causes of pollution. →provideという単語の選択はよくないです。provideという動詞の後には、何か有益なものが来るはずですが、この場合は違いますね。 For example, it contributes to acid rain and this kills many trees in many areas of the world. →contributeという単語の選択はおかしいですよ。さっきと同様の理由です。 And the burning fossil fuels such as oil, coal and natural gas gives off too much carbon dioxide. →andは文の先頭に持ってこない方がよいと言われています。（やっている人もいるけれど、望ましくありません。） → the burning fossil fuelsのtheは不要。 This leads to the global warming. →○ In reality, it seems to be the most serious problems we face. →In realityというのは、「想像したのと違って、現実にはどうだ」ということを言いたい場合です。ここではちょっと違いますよね？ →itが何を指しているのか不明です。itという代名詞と複数形のproblemsが不一致です。 It is high time all countries in the world worked together to save our earth by reducing the greenhouse effect. →high timeというのは？It is time that ...でいいと思いますが。 →workedはworkです。 基本的にいいのだけれど、全体として、文の流れがよくないというか、まとまりに欠けるかな。まだ工夫できるところはありますね。
その他の回答 (1)
- onLineHonyaku
- ベストアンサー率24% (42/175)
The disadvantage of technological advances is that they have caused various environmental problems. ------------ これはOKです。 One of the greatest inventions is the automobile, but now automobile exhaust provides one of the major causes of pollution. ------------ この文書が前の文書とスムーズにつながっていない気がします。 For example, it contributes to acid rain and this kills many trees in many areas of the world. And the burning fossil fuels such as oil, coal and natural gas gives off too much carbon dioxide. ------------ この文の中には文法間違えがあります。 This leads to the global warming. In reality, it seems to be the most serious problems we face. It is high time all countries in the world worked together to save our earth by reducing the greenhouse effect. ------------- この文は意味が通じないです。 こんな感じで簡単に添削しましたが、英文を書く時のコツは要点（THESIS）を決めそれをサポートする証拠を提出し、最後にまとめるという書き方が求められます。難しいですが頑張ってください。
お礼
文ごとに見ていただき復習しやすくてとても助かります！ありがとうございます！ まだスムーズにつながってない部分があるようですね。ここはもっと気をつけたいと思います！あと文の意味が通じてないのはマズイですよね...ここは大いに反省したいと思います。 簡単な添削とおっしゃられましたが、これだけ見ていただければ私にとっては十分価値のあるものです！！またテーマ変えたりなどして書いてみると思いますので、よろしければまた添削お願いいたします。 どうもありがとうございました！
関連するQ&A
- 英作文の添削をお願いします。
「Ｓｏｃｉａｌ ｓｔａｔｕｓとＨｅａｌｔｈを関連させて食について論じなさい」 字数指定はありませんが、過去の問題から推測すると少なくとも１００字は必要だと思います。 点数を２５点満点でつけて頂きたいです。 よろしくお願いします。 (1)It is important to consider both social status and Health. This is why there are many food problems such as unbalanced nutrition, eating without measure, and food shortage yet to be resolved. (2)There are, for example, my friends who eat many instsnt foods almost everyday. One of my friends had had a serious stomachache for three monthes. This desease was due to overeating instant foods. It is true that the instant foods are low expense, but they lack in nutrition. (3)Arother example is overeating and foodshortage. Former and later are related with each other. I have watched a very fat people and small, poor children who are not able to eat enough foods on TV. I often think the part of which people who eat to excess eat should be given to poor people. (4)There are other many problems yet be resolved. We shoud take food problems like above exampleks into considering .
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- 英作文の添削、お願いします…
TOPIC:Japan should open its doors to foreign workers. I don't agree with this opinion.Many countries,say the US and Germany, are relatively open to foreign workers.Such countries insist that Japan should loosen limitation of influx of foreign workers.Certainly,they contribute to lower labor cost.However,there are many problems,such as conflicts of cultures and employment of foreigners. For example in Germany,many people came from other countries,mainly from turkey,to compensate Germany's lack of labor after the world war 2.However,there found conflicts of cultures.Many crimes happend.Besides,in early 1990s,it became difficult for Germans to get job.Foreign workers were regarded as nuisanses. In fact,there is no country that does not have any problems with foreign workers. Therefore,I don't think Japan should open its doors freely to foreign workers. 突っ込みどころ満載ですが…（若者がやりたがらない福祉の仕事なら雇用の点で衝突せずにすみますし）限界です。英語力、英作文力のなさに驚きました(〒_〒)
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 英作文の添削をお願いします！
英語でスピーチをする予定があり、原稿を作ったのですが、文法や自然な表現に自信がないので、長文ですが添削をお願いします！^^ Are you happy? Of course there are many happy, enjoyable things. Sports, movies, shopping, and so forth. However, there are also many unhappy, depressive things. Do you surely think you are really happy? Today, the world is facing many serious problems. Discrimination, poverty, war, and so forth. However, we Japanese don’t have such serious problems. We were born in blessed, rich land, Japan. We can eat, buy what we want, and …..live. Then, what are the problems? Big one of the problems Japan facing is a problem of stress. I also suffer from the stress. “One pair of half pants is called pajamas”. “I’m called a Yankee because my hair is gold.” I’ll move on my topic. There are many stress. Human relationships, anxiety, a sense of inferiority, the number of stress is limitless. Because of these stress, many people cannot imagine bright future, only suffer from stress. If we suffer from stress, we cannot concentrate enjoyable things, and enjoy our lives. Stress has influence on not only our mind, but also our body. You can imagine depression as mental disease, difficult breathing, circulatory system and digestive system. To know these effects, perhaps you know how serious stress is. By the way, have you think of any solutions for stress? As I said before, there are many kind of stress, and those causes are also different. But I declare one cause of stress is broadcasting. This linkage is seemed unrealistic. However, media make us imagine there are full of sad accidents, crimes, disease and so on. We live in dark world. Why do we believe that? This is because we watch a number of news, broadcasting sad and dark things. Our brains believe the world we live is dark, not bright unconsciously. Of course there are not only dark ones, but also bright ones, but media focus on dark ones more easily, than bright ones. As I take one example, news about bullying. This news is broadcasted many times, and gathers much attention. That’s why our brains believe the world is full of sadness, hopeless. And we easily feel depression and suffer from stress. Then, how can we save ourselves? How can we release stress? Which way is the best way to solve the problem? Excluding the cause of stress? Or Changing society itself creating stress? Banning broadcasting dark news? All of them are not seemed effective way to solve it. Do we have to endure stress or deceive ourselves? We don’t suffer from stress. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m happy No way. I refuse to do that. All we have to do is to deceive our brains. We have two simple choices to do. 1st is to look into just bright future. If we do that, our brains recognize only bright future without thinking and we think in a positive way. However, this way is not a perfect way. Some really suffer from stress and cannot look into bright future. Then, I will introduce 2nd way. 2nd is to appreciate 3 things every day and write down them. For example, I live with my aunt and she takes care of me. Now, I write down three things. 1st, “my aunt cooks a meal for me.” Thank to that, I keep my health and eat delicious food. 2nd, “every morning, my aunt sends me to the station.” That’s why I can save my time in the morning and sleep more. 3rd, “on my birthday, my aunt give me 1000 yen.” 1000 yen is not a little money!! To continue this, your brains will believe there are full of many happy, bright, fine things. We live in a happy world. Some of you think why this is beneficial for you? Yes. I’ll explain it. By getting this thought, positive way to look into your future, you suffer from less and less stress, and are released from stress. This is totally enough. And, the effect is not only reducing stress. Please don’t be surprised. By released from stress, your brains work well as 30%. You will not have trouble to studying. You will be able to get degree more easily. Good! If you got this thought, your future would be bright. I hope you will get bright future.
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- 英語
- 英作文の添削お願いします。
ふと、今後の世界がどう変わっていくのかを考えてみた。今日の世界において、重要な問題の１つとして、人口増加による食糧不足がある。自分は関係ないと思う人もいるだろう。そのように考える人の気持ちもわかる。私もそのような問題に対して何をすればよいか分からないのである。 I suddenly think about how the state of the affairs in the world will change. Today, there are a lot of problems ,especially the lack of food is serious problem. Maybe many Japanese people think that it does not affect them. I can understand their feeling. I don't know what to do about this problem. あと、どのようにという表現を使う時、howとwhatをどう使うかも教えて頂きたいです。宜しくお願いいたします。
- ベストアンサー
- 英語
- 英作文の添削をお願いします。
英作文が苦手なので、上達のため英文を書いてみました。 文法上の間違い、文章の構造などについて、アドバイスをください。 テーマは「大学の秋入学について」です Recently,many universities are considering whether change the admission season from spring to autumn or not. This attempt arouse wide public concern, and, of course the public divided into supporｔer and opponent. In my opinion, it is beneficial to universities. Under the existing system, because of the different program between Japanese university and foreign university, each students are hard to study in abroad.So, If the attempt carry out, many Japanese students are easier to go abroad and Universities can receive more international students. Moreover the increasing of international students in Japan can improve Japanese students' sense of competition and cooperation. However, opponent says this attempt can destroy Japanese traditional culture. They think globalization is equal to imitating USA, and Japan should have own position in the world. As far as I concerned,the opponent's opinion is too much exaggerated. Foreign country is not only USA , but also including non-English country. And we can't neglect Japanese culture. If the globalization will be success, Japan's economy turn to good condition gradualｙ. From the above thing, I support the autumn admission.
- 締切済み
- 英語
- 英作文の添削をお願いします。
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- ベストアンサー
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- 英作文を添削してもらえませんか？
今、アカデミックライティングというものを学んでいる大学生です。以下の和文を英訳してみたので、よかったら、添削と講評をしていただけないでしょうか。具体的な講評をお願いします。 心理カウンセラーを４０年やってきて、「人間の心ほど移ろいやすいものはない」との思いと、「人間ほど一度思い込むとこれほど頑固なものはない」との想いの両方がある。心を柔らかく持ち、いい加減な自分を肯定したいものである。 In my experience of being a psychotherapist for 40 years, I have held opposite feelings: Nothing is more inconstant than the mind of men, and more persistent in what one once believes than the nature of them. Then, condition of our flexible mind and recognition of our susceptible one, we really need. My forty year career of a psychotherapist have given me the realization that our mind is the most influenced by the inner or the outer, whereas our spirit is the most likely to assume one thing endlessly. Therefore it is really necessary for us to smelt our iron mind, which sometimes is like clay, and to accept it.
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- 英語
- 一橋英作文の添削よろしくおねがいします。
一橋 2009 Write 120 to 150 words of English about the topic below. A sense of humour is one of the most important things in life. I'm in favor of the idea that a sense of humour is one of the most important things in life. Surely, some people say that even if a person who has it, no difficult problems will be solved, so there is no point having it. In my opinion, however, it is very important for all people and in a lot of situations ,especially in difficult situations,to have it. People tend to be nervous when they face difficult situations, and no good ideas will be come up with unless they are nervous. However, what if there is a person who has a sense of humour? He would be likely to make nervous people relax by using it. By doing so, people could make the best of their power. That is why I agree with the idea. 自分の意見と反対の意見をつくるときに「自分の意見→反対の意見」としたため、若干の理由説明の弱さを自分で感じるのですがどうでしょうか。 また、a sense of humour を途中まで代名詞 it を用いてたのですが、少し a sense of humour の意の it を使わなくなったので 再びa sense of humour と書きました。 この場合は少し距離（？）があいていても it と表現しても問題ないのでしょうか？ 回答よろしくお願いします。
- ベストアンサー
- 大学受験
- 英作文添削してもらえませんか？
いつもお世話になっています。英作文を添削、講評してもらえませんか？よろしくお願いします。 ２０世紀最大の特色は、それが科学時代であるということです。科学は日に日に進歩を続け、止まるところを知りません。一昔前の夢物語もどんどん現実化しており、今やわれわれの生活のすべてが、科学によって揺り動かされているといっても過言ではないでしょう。 The most obvious feature of the 20th century is an epoch of science, which advances day by day and seems to never stop. In this sense, it is not too much to state that the knowledge of the physical world has realized our bygone dreams increasingly, and now influences the whole of our lives.
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- 英語
- 英作文添削お願いします。
テーマはここ数年のニュースで話題になったものというものです。 I was interested in the news which the age of adult should be lowered to eighteen years old. I agree with this idea. Young people these days are overprotected. They can't know anything about the world. It is true that people in their teens still aren't mentally and physically mature. Manｙ teenageｒ don't have a full time job, live with their parents and depend on their parents, However, this is the reason why the age of adult should be lowered. Someday, they will have to live by their own. If they have to be responsible to everything they do, they will become aware that they should be independent. They would also appreciate their parents. よろしくおねがいします。
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- 英語
お礼
こんなに丁寧に見ていただきありがとうございます！ここまで見ていただけると自分のミスが本当によく分かります。 それにしても文の主語からしてテーマがずれていますよね...これに関しては大いに反省したいと思います。 その他文法面の指摘もして頂きとても助かりました。 また復習して新たに書いてみたいと思いますので、よろしければまた添削お願いいたします。 どうもありがとうございました！