A Casual Disclosure: How to Respond When Learning About a Friend's Transition

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  • Dear Prudence, I recently learned that a friend's spouse is transgender, and I want to ensure I responded appropriately. The conversation was casual, and I took my cues from my friend on how to react. I want to support my friend and their spouse and make them feel comfortable in our home.
  • Your response to your friend's casual disclosure about her spouse's transition was appropriate. It's important to support and make them feel comfortable in your home. Taking cues from them is the right approach. Remember that not everyone wants to discuss the details of their transition, so following their lead is key.
  • You didn't need to have a serious, involved follow-up conversation when your friend mentioned her spouse's transition. Taking your cues from her was the right thing to do. Continue to make them feel comfortable and supported in your home by being friendly and welcoming. Let them guide the conversation about their transition.
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take one's cues

Dear Prudence, My husband and I made friends with another couple, “Katie” and “Steven,” last year. We have kids around the same age, and we get together a few times a month for backyard dinners and drinks. Recently, I remarked to Katie how much her children resemble her, and she replied that she hears that all the time. I jokingly asked how Steven feels about that, and she said: “Well, Steven’s trans. Didn’t you know?” I didn’t know. It hadn’t occurred to me. I was so surprised that my reaction was something along the lines of, “Oh. Cool!” And then the conversation naturally shifted course. I’m concerned that maybe I underreacted. Gender identity is important, and I can’t begin to imagine what Steven went through before and during his transition. My husband and I consider ourselves to be LGBTQ allies, and I want Steven to feel comfortable and supported in our home. We’ve seen them a few times since and nothing seems weird or awkward, so maybe I’m just overthinking this. But could or should I have responded differently? It didn’t feel like a coming-out conversation, more like a casual disclosure of information. Still, I’m worried that I said the wrong thing, and I’d love your perspective. —Underreactionary? You took your cue from Katie, who made it clear that this is information she (and presumably Steven) are comfortable with you knowing but that didn’t require a serious, involved follow-up conversation, and your response in that context was wholly appropriate. You’re likely right in assuming that Steven has gone through a great deal before and after transitioning, but that doesn’t mean he wants to go into detail about it with even the friendliest of neighbors. Steven and Katie already do feel comfortable and supported in your home, and there’s nothing you need to do here except continue to be friendly and welcoming and to take your neighbors’ cues on the subject of his transition. 2回take one's cuesという表現が出てきますが、それぞれどのような意味でしょうか?よろしくお願いします

  • corta
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  • koncha108
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回答No.2

cueは、ここでは何らかの反応をするためのきっかけ、合図ですが、最初のはmy cue となっていて、次のはyour neighbors' cues となっていて所有格の主が違います。ただ一つのパラグラフの中に二回出てくると言うのは読み手が関連性を感じることを前提に使っているので、このどちらも「(性転換者である事に関して話す)きっかけ」。 ちなみに、transはtranssexual、transgenderのどちらの略とも取れますが、その前に子供についての話をしているので文脈的にはtranssexual (性転換者)がより妥当なのかと思いました。 最初のは、Katie から渡され、「私」が何かを反応するためのcue。訳は難しいですが、 「あなたはKatieからあなたが反応するきっかけを受け取ったのです」 次のcueは「彼の(性的)転換に関する話題の上でのあなたの隣人の合図を受け取ること」。つまり、今後の隣人との会話の中で、Stevenの転換に関する話題のヒントが出てきても変に無視したり取り繕ったりしないで普通に受け止めろ、と言うことと思います。 cueそのものの言っていることは変わらず、文脈の中でcueを持っている人と訳し方が変わるだけと思います。

corta
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ご回答ありがとうございます。

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  • SPS700
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回答No.1

 2回take one's cuesという表現が出てきますが、それぞれどのような意味でしょうか?よろしくお願いします (1)You took your cue from Katie, who made it clear that this is information she (and presumably Steven) are comfortable with you knowing but that didn’t require a serious, involved follow-up conversation, and your response in that context was wholly appropriate.  (あなたが知っても、ケイティー(にもスティーブ)にとっても何でもないことをはっきりさせ)あなたはその態度に合わせたわけです。 (2) there’s nothing you need to do here except continue to be friendly and welcoming and to take your neighbors’ cues on the subject of his transition. (引き続き友達として付き合い、歓迎し、彼の性転換の話題について)隣人の調子に合わせる(ほか何もする必要はありません)  この場合「相手の態度や調子に合わせる」という意味だと思います。

corta
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ご回答ありがとうございます。

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