【大至急】ビジネス英文メールのご添削

質問

取引先(派遣先)へ返信したく英文で作成しましたが、ビジネス的に自信がありません(;_;)
ご添削の程、宜しくお願い申し上げます。

背景：派遣先スタッフの担当者が変わることになり、そのお知らせとスタッフの今後について打ち合わせの時間がほしいというメールがきまして。その返信をするところです。

取引先からのメール
As you have probably already heard, I will be leaving my position in Japan and coming back to USA. From September 1, there will be a new director of the office of my company in Japan, Mr. John.

As Mr. John will be visiting Japan in the next week, I was wondering if you could have a moment for a meeting so that I can introduce you and that we can discuss the most important parts of the contract for the upcoming period.
If you do not mind, we would be happy to have you here at my office any time from Tuesday, July 24 to Thursday, July 26.
I will be looking forward to hearing from you.

返信文
Thank you for your email.
Thank you for introducing John who you succeeded.
Thank you so much for taking care of us so far.
Also, I would like to ask your office about the meeting, will it be possible to receive your time at 11 o'clock on the 26th from the date you proposed?
Thank you very much.

日本文：ご連絡をありがとうございます。またあなたの後任のジョンさんをご紹介くださりありがとうございます。これまでお世話になり大変ありがとうございました。
またミーティングについて、ぜひあなたのオフィスへ伺わせて頂きたく、頂いた日時より26日の11時にお時間頂くことは可能でしょうか。
どうぞ宜しくお願い致します。

回答No.1

koncha108 · ベストアンサー

Thank you for your email.
Thank you for introducing John who you succeeded.
=> ここは一文にした方が良いでしょう。
Thank you for informing us of your departure and introducing John (who are succeeding you).
カッコ内は冗長です。

Thank you so much for taking care of us so far.
=> We are missing you as your continuous support has been helping us a lot.
感謝と挨拶は最後にまとめた方が良いのでここでは「あなたの継続的なサポートに助けられてきたので寂しいです」くらいでどうでしょう。

Also, I would like to ask your office about the meeting, will it be possible to receive your time at 11 o'clock on the 26th from the date you proposed?
=> I'd like to visit your office at 11am on 26th.
Does it work for you?
先方が候補を挙げてきているので最初の行で十分ですが、念のため「ご都合大丈夫ですか？」と聞いています。Does it work for you? はこういう時ほぼ定型です。

Thank you very much.
=> Thank you very much again for your great support to us. I wish you the best in your new role and the life back in the states.

お礼

ありがとうございます！！大変勉強になり助かりましたm(__)m