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英語から日本語訳した文章の添削をお願いします!

間違っているところだけでいいので、解説と正しい訳をお願いします!! 1(1)A professor of a famous university carried out a study on employees of a major telecommunications company. アメリカのある有名大学の教授が、大手通信会社の社員を調べた。  (2)He discovered that in terms of their basic abilities there no significant differences between high level or “star” performers and average performers. 彼は優れた業績をあげる社員(high performers=stars)と、そうでない社員(average performers)の基礎的な能力に関して、大きな違いはないということを発見した。 (3)What, then, makes the difference between these two types? では、これら2つのタイプの何が違うのか? 2(4)First, it is important to have a long-term vision, to set up targets based on this vision, and to carry out a plan to achieve these targets. まず大切なのは、長期的ビジョンを持ち、このビジョンに基づいて目標を掲げ、それらの目標を達成するためにプランを実行する。 (5)Then it is necessary to review the plan from time to time, and make any adjustments as the need arises. そのときに、時々そのプランを見直し、必要に応じていくつか調整する必要がある。 (6)Next, you must keep the creativity flowing; time should be set aside for coming up with new ideas and approaches in an unstructured way, an activity known as brainstorming. 次に、湧き出る創造性を保たないといけない、つまり型にはまらない方法である新しいアイデアやアプローチのための時間をとっておかなければならない。ブレインストーミングとして (7)When a business idea comes to you, or a potential problem which may have an effect on your work, it should be noted down while fresh in your memory and then acted upon. あなたがビジネスのアイデア、あるいはあなたの仕事において影響されるであろう潜在的な問題を思いついたとき、ノートに記して、いつでも使えるようにする。 3(8)Another effective technique is lateral thinking; that is, the habitat of looking at something from new or unusual angles. もうひとつの効果的な技術は水平思考(違う角度から物事を見ること)であり、それはつまり新しい、またはまれな天使たちから物事を探る習慣をつけるということだ。 (9)When faced with a difficulty, the normal straightforward approach is to deal with the problem in a logical manner. なにか困難にぶち当たった時、ノーマルで単純なアプローチが論理的な方法でその問題を処理してしまうことがある。 (10)However, solutions can often be found if you tackle the problem from a different direction. しかしながら、もしあなたが違う方向からその問題に取りくむならば解決策をよく見つけることができる。 (11)For those workers aiming for star performance, thinking laterally is most important. この仕事人たちにとって優れた仕事を目指し、側面から考えることが最も大切なのだ。 (12)These factors illustrate the point that stars are not born as geniuses, but reach that level as a result of constant effect and common sense. これらの要素はスターたちは天才として生まれたのではないということを指し示しているが、結果的に一定の影響と普通の感覚としてのレベルを追い求めていた。 (13)There is, however , one additional point that is essential for the creation of a star performer; that is, a company which encourages its workers to aspire to a higher level of performance. しかしながら優秀な仕事の創造性のための必要不可欠な追加ポイントがひとつある。つまりその仕事人らを励ましてより高度な仕事を目指させる会社のことだ。 (14)In each country there are jealous people, and Japan is no exception. 様々な国々に嫉妬深い人々が存在し、日本もその例外ではない。 (15)As the saying goes, “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down” and there is a tendency for companies not to welcome out standing performers with open arms. 諺で「出る杭はうたれる」とあるように、会社は手を広げて際立った仕事をする者を歓迎しない傾向がある。 (16)If people are working independently there may be less pressure; but when it comes to working in a company, people may try to improve their own position by making things difficult for their co-workers, which often results in a lot of talent being wasted. もし、少ないプレッシャーしか受けてないであろう人々が独立したが会社のなかで働くとなったとき、自分らのポジションを向上させるときに同僚らでお互いに足を引っ張り合い、たくさんの才能をつぶしてしまうことがよくある。 (17)It is a great pity when a company loses its competitive edge in this way. 会社がこのような方法でそれらの競争力を失ってしまうことはとても残念なことだ。 4(18)If all employees in companies could outgrow their desire to save face, move away from working in isolation and towards helping and stimulating one another, and start making judgements from a broader perspective, the chance for starts to be born would expand. もし会社のすべての従業員がメンツを保つためにそれらの理想から脱却することができたのなら、仕事における分離状態から離れて互いに助け合い刺激しあえるようになり、幅広い観点から判断を始められる、“スター”が生まれるためのチャンスは拡大するだろう。

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 (1)on と前置詞が入っていますから、社員「を」(直接調べたのではなく)、社員「について」と間接さを入れてはどうかと思います。  (2)このままでも良いのですが「基礎的な知識」に関しては、を独立させて前に出すと両者にかかる事が、はっきりするかも知れません。  (3)これも小さな事ですが make という動詞があるので「何」が違うかという結果的状態ではなくて、何が両者の違いを「作る」のか、あるいはちがいの「原因」か、に言及なさると良いかも知れません。  (4)大切な「の」は、に呼応する、、、を実行する「ことだ」がほしいですね。  (5)いいと思います。  (6)keep -ing で「~し続ける」ですから、ですから創造が続くようにしなければ、という意味だと思います。、、、として「知られている」が抜けていますね。  (7)ちょっと生硬ですね。直訳をもう一度推敲なさるといいと思います。  (8)天使は「角度」でしょう。  (9)文の要点を抑えて訳するのが大切です。困難に直面した際、普通の直截的な方法は、問題を論理的に扱う事だ、みたいなことでしょう。  (お後がよろしいようで)  

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(10)いいとおもいます。 (11)スター並みのパフォーマンスを目指す人たちには、側面から考える事が最も大切だ、 これは上記2への言及ですからそこで使ったと同じ言葉で訳するといいと思います。 (12)この事は、スター並みの人は天才として生まれたのではなく、絶えない努力と不断の常識で、その高い水準に達した事を示している。とも。effect は effort でしょう。 (13)間違いではありませんが「~には~の会社があった事を見落としてはならない」のように原文に近く訳出するのも一考です。 (14)どの国にも (15)「会社は手を広げて際立った仕事をする者を歓迎しない傾向がある」の順序を「際立った仕事をする者を、会社は(手を広げて)歓迎しない傾向がある」とすると、「手を広げて」の係り具合がはっきり出ると思います。 (16)もし社員が独立して仕事をするようなら圧力は少ないと思われる、しかし共同作業となると、、、 (17)いいと思います。 (18)「もし全ての従業員が、個人の面子を重んじる立場から抜け出し、孤立して仕事する事を止め、おたがいに助け合い刺激し合い、もっと広い視野で判断が出来るようになれば」とも。あとは、とてもいいとおもいます。

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