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英作文の添削をお願いします

I used to do YOGA every day a couple of years ago, so my body was pretty flexible and fit. I was healthy. However I was getting less interested doing YOGA. Instead I started going jogging three days a week. About the same time, I started to have too much appetite. I could not stop eating until I get full in every meal. In spite of I do jogging, I ended up getting so much weight and to have big tummy. I will DO brush up on YOGA for my body and I am going to eat less little by little.

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  • 回答No.2
  • Nakay702
  • ベストアンサー率81% (8999/11082)

以下のとおりお答えします。質問文・(説明)・⇒添削文の順に併記します。 I used to do YOGA every day a couple of years ago, so my body was pretty flexible and fit.(「2年ほど前」は最後までかかるし、強調の意味を込めることも兼ねて、文頭に出しましょう。fitをmy bodyの補語にするのは違和感があります。) ⇒A couple of years ago, I used to do YOGA exercise every day, so my body was pretty flexible and I was feeing quite fit. I was healthy.(前文と重なるところがあるので、「すなわち」や「極めて」などを追加しましょうか。"..."で囲んで、ややおどけた表現にしてもいいでしょうね。) ⇒That is to say, I was "so awfully/terribly" healthy. However I was getting less interested doing YOGA.(ここに劣等比較を用いるのは、あまり適切ではないと思います。) ⇒However, I was losing my interest in doing YOGA. Instead I started going jogging three days a week.(文脈上、この文は後回しにしましょう。)⇒* About the same time, I started to have too much appetite.(悪い条件が重なったという意味で、「その上さらに」を追加しましょう。) ⇒Moreover/Besides, almost at the same time, I started to have too much appetite. I could not stop eating until I get full in every meal.(時制の一致を忘れずに。) ⇒I could not stop eating until I got full in every meal. In spite of I do jogging, I ended up getting so much weight and to have big tummy.(*「週3日のジョギング」は非制限用法の関係詞で説明し、「~するほどに…」は"so...as to~"を利用しましょう。それから、「出っ腹」には"spare tire"を追加するなど、してちょっとおどけてみませんか?) ⇒In spite of my jogging, which I was taking three days a week, I ended up by getting so much weight as to have a big tummy or "a double spare tire"! I will DO brush up on YOGA for my body and I am going to eat less little by little.(「ここで一念発起して…」を加え、「再挑戦」の意味でredoを、「食事制限」にdietを使いましょう。) ⇒But here, making up my mind to get back my health, I will go back to that YOGA and REDO brush up my body; and, of course, I am going on a DIET little by little. 以上の添削文を続けて示せば、こうなります。(3つの段落に分けました。) A couple of years ago, I used to do YOGA exercise every day, so my body was pretty flexible and I was feeing quite fit. That is to say, I was "so awfully/terribly" healthy. However, I was losing my interest in doing YOGA. Moreover/Besides, almost at the same time, I started to have too much appetite. I could not stop eating until I got full in every meal. In spite of my jogging, which I was taking three days a week, I ended up by getting so much weight as to have a big tummy or "a double spare tire"! But here, making up my mind to get back my health, I will go back to that YOGA and REDO brush up my body; and, of course, I am going on a DIET little by little.

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質問者からのお礼

御丁寧な説明にアドバイスにどうもありがとうございます。とてもとても勉強になりました。

  • 回答No.1
  • SPS700
  • ベストアンサー率46% (15293/33009)

Until two years ago I did daily yoga exercise. So my body was supple and I was in good health.   But I lost my interest in yoga and switched to jogging three days a week. About this time I started to overeat and gained weight in spite of the jogging. I plan to go back to the yoga and eat less. とも。添削になっていなかったらごめんなさい。

共感・感謝の気持ちを伝えよう!

質問者からのお礼

とても勉強になりました。どうもありがとうございます!

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