英作文の添削をお願いします

質問

I used to do YOGA every day a couple of years ago, so my body was pretty flexible and fit. I was healthy. However I was getting less interested doing YOGA. Instead I started going jogging three days a week. About the same time, I started to have too much appetite. I could not stop eating until I get full in every meal. In spite of I do jogging, I ended up getting so much weight and to have big tummy. I will DO brush up on YOGA for my body and I am going to eat less little by little.

回答No.2

Nakay702

以下のとおりお答えします。質問文・（説明）・⇒添削文の順に併記します。

I used to do YOGA every day a couple of years ago, so my body was pretty flexible and fit.（「２年ほど前」は最後までかかるし、強調の意味を込めることも兼ねて、文頭に出しましょう。fitをmy bodyの補語にするのは違和感があります。）
⇒A couple of years ago, I used to do YOGA exercise every day, so my body was pretty flexible and I was feeing quite fit.

I was healthy.（前文と重なるところがあるので、「すなわち」や「極めて」などを追加しましょうか。"..."で囲んで、ややおどけた表現にしてもいいでしょうね。）
⇒That is to say, I was "so awfully/terribly" healthy.

However I was getting less interested doing YOGA.（ここに劣等比較を用いるのは、あまり適切ではないと思います。）
⇒However, I was losing my interest in doing YOGA.

Instead I started going jogging three days a week.（文脈上、この文は後回しにしましょう。）⇒＊

About the same time, I started to have too much appetite.（悪い条件が重なったという意味で、「その上さらに」を追加しましょう。）
⇒Moreover/Besides, almost at the same time, I started to have too much appetite.

I could not stop eating until I get full in every meal.（時制の一致を忘れずに。）
⇒I could not stop eating until I got full in every meal.

In spite of I do jogging, I ended up getting so much weight and to have big tummy.（＊「週３日のジョギング」は非制限用法の関係詞で説明し、「～するほどに…」は"so...as to～"を利用しましょう。それから、「出っ腹」には"spare tire"を追加するなど、してちょっとおどけてみませんか？）
⇒In spite of my jogging, which I was taking three days a week, I ended up by getting so much weight as to have a big tummy or "a double spare tire"!

I will DO brush up on YOGA for my body and I am going to eat less little by little.（「ここで一念発起して…」を加え、「再挑戦」の意味でredoを、「食事制限」にdietを使いましょう。）
⇒But here, making up my mind to get back my health, I will go back to that YOGA and REDO brush up my body; and, of course, I am going on a DIET little by little.

以上の添削文を続けて示せば、こうなります。（３つの段落に分けました。）
A couple of years ago, I used to do YOGA exercise every day, so my body was pretty flexible and I was feeing quite fit. That is to say, I was "so awfully/terribly" healthy.
However, I was losing my interest in doing YOGA. Moreover/Besides, almost at the same time, I started to have too much appetite. I could not stop eating until I got full in every meal. In spite of my jogging, which I was taking three days a week, I ended up by getting so much weight as to have a big tummy or "a double spare tire"!
But here, making up my mind to get back my health, I will go back to that YOGA and REDO brush up my body; and, of course, I am going on a DIET little by little.

お礼

御丁寧な説明にアドバイスにどうもありがとうございます。とてもとても勉強になりました。

回答No.1

SPS700

Until two years ago I did daily yoga exercise. So my body was supple and I was in good health.

　 But I lost my interest in yoga and switched to jogging three days a week. About this time I started to overeat and gained weight in spite of the jogging.

I plan to go back to the yoga and eat less.

とも。添削になっていなかったらごめんなさい。

お礼

とても勉強になりました。どうもありがとうございます！