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今年大学受験をするものですが、宅浪なので英作文の添削をしてくれる人がいません。なので添削をお願いします。 テーマ:自分の失敗とその失敗から学んだことを100字以内で書け When I was fourteen. I bought a cell phone. As soon as I use it, I liked to call my friends on it. One day, I called one of my friends loudly on my cell phone in the train. I did not realize that I was annoying other people on board. then the woman sitting by me said to me that you should hang up your phone and pay more attention to people around you. After she scolded me, Iwas ashamed of my attitude and learnedthe importance of cosidering other people from this experience.



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コンマの使い方がおかしいところがある。 時制が乱れている。 called ~ loudly は変。うるさかったのは(呼び出しではなく)電話での会話そのもの。 said to me that 以下の主語はyouではない。 scoldは動詞の選び方として不適切。 などという英語の校正よりも、やはり「失敗例としてあまりに幼稚」というのが気になります。単なるマナー違反のレベル。「学ぶ」というよりは瞬時にただすべきもの。 高校受験ではなく大学受験なのだから、せめて高校時代の体験をベースにして、もうちょっとその後考える(価値のある)ような失敗例にすべきでしょう。



単語とか文法よりも英作文の内容自体に問題がありましたね。 このことも気をつけて勉強し直します。 ありがとうございました。

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  • 回答No.1

英文の添削以前に、このような社会常識を逸脱した内容では 残念ですがとても合格は覚束ないでしょう。



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  • 英作文の添削おねがいします!

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    自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 テーマ:Many medical students become frustrated that the basic memory skills that allowed them to pass the entrance exam have not prepare them for the increased pace of university study. Indeed, doctors need to be highly motivated, self-directed learners to keep up with the ever-increasing changes in medical knowledge. Describe how you could be a good medical student and what your priorities will be. Detail three of your good points and three bad points clearly. 条件:3パラグラフ構成以上、150字以上、序論・本論・結論が明確であること。   It is often said that many medical students become frustrated because they have to memorize various kinds of things about human body to keep up with university study. In case with me, one of my bad points is that when cannot understand the things, I am unable to go next step until I understand them. In addition to this bad point, I also think almost all things so deep. For example, I always worry about that whether my opinions or actions hurt my friends or not. Moreover, my third bad point is that I often care about people around me too much. My sister usually told me not to take care of her so often. However, I think these bad points are also my good points. When I cannot understand something, I ask my friends or teachers how to solve the problem. This action makes our relationships better. Next, my worrying about everything and tending to take care of people around me mean I have abilities to imagine other people’s feelings and to try to help people who are in trouble. This will motivate me to become a good doctor. Although I have bad points, everyone also has them. The important thing is not that you do not have bad points, but that you have the ability to change your bad points to good points. This is needed to become a good medical student.(238words) 自分の良い点悪い点について具体例を3つずつ、ということなのですが、 どういうふうに羅列したらよいか悩みました。 いい点と悪い点を一対一対応にして書くべきなのかとも考えましたが、 3つの悪い点→全部良い点へと変換しました。 先日期待と不安の添削をしていただいたときに不安→期待の方がよいというアドバイスを頂いたことを参考にしてみました。 序論も結論も弱い気がしますがボキャブラリーや結び付け方がへただなぁと・・・ 本番まであと1週間なのでかなり焦っています(´;ω;`) よろしくお願いします

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

    英作文の添削です 誤字訂正箇所や採点を100点基準でお願いします。 ちなみに仮定法をつかっているのは指定条件下にあるので気にしないで下さい…m(__)m If I became a worker , I woul d live in my home by myself, because to live with only myself is a variety of merits. Of course, with my family I can save a lot of money : in fact It costs a lo t of money to live by myself . However,with by myself I would be free to use the time for myself such as shopping ,reading .,relaxing...and so on. I would also can independent of my family and grow as human . For example, I would try to make some food and manage to get earnings . On the other hand, I would freely can't use the time if I lived with my family, because my parents worry about me when I be in out till being late at night. Therefore, I suggest that I choose to live with only myself. この質問を補足する

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

    「Social statusとHealthを関連させて食について論じなさい」 字数指定はありませんが、過去の問題から推測すると少なくとも100字は必要だと思います。 点数を25点満点でつけて頂きたいです。 よろしくお願いします。  (1)It is important to consider both social status and Health. This is why there are many food problems such as unbalanced nutrition, eating without measure, and food shortage yet to be resolved.  (2)There are, for example, my friends who eat many instsnt foods almost everyday. One of my friends had had a serious stomachache for three monthes. This desease was due to overeating instant foods. It is true that the instant foods are low expense, but they lack in nutrition.  (3)Arother example is overeating and foodshortage. Former and later are related with each other. I have watched a very fat people and small, poor children who are not able to eat enough foods on TV. I often think the part of which people who eat to excess eat should be given to poor people.  (4)There are other many problems yet be resolved. We shoud take food problems like above exampleks into considering .

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  • □■英作文添削お願いします■□

    (1)私はその会議に出席していた人が余りに少ないのを知って驚きました。  I was surprised to know how small the number of people who had ben present at the meeting were (2)偉大な芸術というものは正しく豊かに感じることを、人々にいつも教えているものなのです。 Great art tells people what it is to feel right and wealthy. (3)その人口は50万をわずかに超えるだけです。 The population is as small as exceeding slightly 500 thousand. どの英文も自信がありません; どなたか添削をお願いします (>_<)

  • 英作文の添削をお願いします。

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  • 英作文です。見て頂けると幸いです、よろしくお願いします。

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