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英作文の添削をお願いします。

高2です。英作文の添削をお願いします。 *20代で必要なことは、プライバシーを守る技術を身につけることだ。(Whatを使って) What the important in your twenties is to develop the skill of protecting your privacy. *最近携帯電話を持っている人が多くなり、若い人はほとんど持っているようだ Recently, the number of people who have a mobile phone has increased and most of young people seem to have it. *しかし、授業中に携帯電話の鳴ること以上に教師の気に障ることはない But nothing is more offended thing for teachers than ringing a mobile phone in tha class. *情報集めに自分の全てのエネルギーを費やさないで、一日の内で静かに過ごすひとときを習慣として身につけて欲しい(instead of, habitを使って) →わかりませんでした。教えて下さい。

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*20代で必要なことは、プライバシーを守る技術を身につけることだ。(Whatを使って) What 【the→is】 important in your twenties is to develop the skill of protecting your privacy. <another translation> What is important in your twenties is to learn how to protect your privacy. *最近携帯電話を持っている人が多くなり、若い人はほとんど持っているようだ Recently, the number of people who have a mobile phone has increased and most 【of→不要】 young people seem to have 【it→one】. ☆ most of the young people, most young people の方がよいのでは? it は特定の携帯電話になると思います。 <another translation> More and more people have cell phones these days, and most young people seem to have one. *しかし、授業中に携帯電話の鳴ること以上に教師の気に障ることはない But nothing is more 【offended→offending】 【thing→不要】 for teachers than 【ringing a mobile phone→the ring of a mobile phone】 in 【tha→不要】 class. <another translation> However, nothing irritates teachers than the ring of a cell phone in class. ☆ in class http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+class the ringer of a phone http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=ringer+of+a+phone と言う言い方もあるようです。 *情報集めに自分の全てのエネルギーを費やさないで、一日の内で静かに過ごすひとときを習慣として身につけて欲しい(instead of, habitを使って) <訳例> Instead of using all your energy to [gather/collect] information, I would like you to [form the habit/get in the habit] of spending some time calmly in a day. ☆get [form, acquire, contract, pick up] the habit of http://ejje.weblio.jp/content/form+the+habit+of get [in/into] the habit of http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=get+in+the+habit+of ☆全体として作文力のある方で感心しました。オジサンが、高2の時は、とてもこんな和文英訳は出来ませんでした。今回の回答も単なる感想ぐらいに考えて下さい。

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質問者からのお礼

ご丁寧な解説をありがとうございましたm(_._)m 英語は、頑張りたいと思いつつも、英作文がどうしても苦手なので、頼らせて頂きました…。 これからもっと頑張ります! 早くに回答下さり、本当にありがとうございました。

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